Welcome to the land nobody wants to live in. Sorry you're here xxx
I don't think there ever is any true justification. They come up with a variety of reasons, but, for me, none of them really answer the 'why' question.
How long before the pain fades? A long time, we're all different.
What does your husband say he wants now? Is he sorry? What are your gut instincts about him now?
It's a dreadful thing to happen, and all I can say is that you have come to a place where, if it is possible to be helped through it, this is it.
With love to you,
Sandy xx
He says that he is here for the long haul. He is in couselling to find some answers and to help make himself a better person and husband. He says he wants our marriage to work. I honestly feel he is sorry but can't get over the feeling that it was always in his back pocket just waiting incase he wanted to start up with her again.
I remember when we got engaged, one of the things I told my mother was I felt that he would never hurt me by having an affair. Guess I was wrong.
My gut tells me that he can be a good man/husband but I don't know if I have it in me to live with the betrayal.
Thanks for the welcome and support
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the reason that you are here....but this is a GREAT place to be for support & true understanding of how you feel and what you're going thru. We all understand...the hurt, betrayal, and even shame that you feel. It's hard to hold your head up, I know. I, too, had to beg my husband to "come clean"....I begged and pleaded with him for weeks to lay his cards on the table & tell me what was bothering him. He couldn't sleep, couldn't/wouldn't talk with me, and drank himself into one stupor after another to help "cope" with his guilt. But he denied anything was wrong. When you're with someone for a long time, you just "know"....a horrible, sickening "gut feeling". After it all came out, he said he just wasn't "man enough" to level with me. I wouldn't have hurt any less I know, but I would've had more respect for him had he told me own his own rather than me have to coax it out of him when he knew he was busted. I wondered (and still wonder) how long his A would've continued had he not been found out. That's what really still hurts me and haunts me....he had no choice but to admit. Had he come to me & told me, I THINK I could possibly feel differently toward him and the whole situation. But I don't know for sure. My H also said the reason for his A is because "she pushed all the right buttons" and "stroked his ego". I know it's not because she was physically attractive...not that I'm a real beauty, but physically speaking, he definitely "traded down". I truly think for a lot of WS, it's all about their weaknesses & how they really want/need to feel important because of self-esteem & other personal issues. I don't think it's that their partners aren't making them feel important, but rather that the OP with whom they are cheating is making them feel "more important"....a new, exciting feeling that someone else besides their spouse is finding them attractive, interesting, and desirable. But that don't make it hurt any less, does it??
Mona
I just wanted to welcome you here also. This is a great place to get support and hear how others are handling their situations. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it sounds like you have a H who wants to work things out with you. My WS wants to continue the A and will NOT committ to trying to rebuild our marriage. Six weeks after d-day, we separated and she gets to pursue her affair.
I tell you this because, while this may not make you feel any better, there are small things that you can feel are hopeful compared to others situation.
