Heartbroken 77 wrote on the "Member's Forum" >>Someone please tell me this will get easier<<

The good news is that it will get easier. Definitely. I can almost guarantee that 3 months from now, when you look back at where you've come from, you will know that overall things are getting better. The bad news is that for most people it doesn't get easier quickly.

You've got alot going for you, heartbroken. You have a partner who is genuinely remorseful and who is, in the end, honest. That may not seem like much right now - it won't make the pain go away, but in the long run it could help alot. You have some very good reasons not to trust your h but you also have a good foundation for rebuilding trust. Of course, trust is like Rome - it can't be rebuilt in a day. It has to be rebuilt slowly, over time by behavior that says "I am trustworthy". But his behavior so far seems encouraging.

Sorry that you have found a need to find us but welcome.

Thank you for you're encouraging words. It's nice to know I'm not alone and I have somewhere to vent my feelings.

DMD

I truly feel your pain. Anytime I read a post from the newly betrayed it takes me right back. While I'm no expert, I'm coming up on 6 months since Dday. And like you, my H is truly remorseful. Since April this year he has worked, read, talked and listened to help me heal. It does get better. The intensity of the pain is still the same at this point but the frequency of the pain is less. I can and do have good days in a row now. I can now return my H's affection and feel his pain. I've gotten past (for the most part) blaming. And most recently, I've gotten my hope back. We're still working on trust and he is thankful for any I can give at this point. For the longest time I have been struggling with the longing for the relationship I thought we had. Could I forgive him?? Did I want to? How could it ever be better now that he had betrayed me? Was I settling for less than I had always gave?? Over the last few weeks I've come to realize several things: 1) I love him 2) He loves me 3) If I gave up I'd still have these same questions and by working it together we have gotten stronger and closer. Also, my H reads these posts and now understands how deeply he has hurt me...(I don't think he ever really thought about me during the A) And when I feel myself sliding down hill... I think about how far we have come and remind myself, like Quinn said, it can't be rebuilt in a day or month or year but by on going work for both of us. I wish the best for you and know you are not alone in your pain and it does get better and hopfully better and better. O

Thank you for giving me hope that things can get better. This past weekend my husband and I had a really good couple of days and things felt much better. I know he still loves me and that he's sorry for what happened. I just wish I knew why he didn't love me enough to just say no. That little question is what's really eating me up inside and he can't seem to answer it. He just says that he wasn't feeling good about himself and it's nothing I did. Do I just chalk it up to mid-life crisis? I don't know. We still have a really long way to go and alot of healing. Thank you again for your response. It truly means alot to me to know that there's someone to talk to out there. DMD

edited typo