As the days have been passing I'm noticing that I'm feeling more and more angry. My husband says he will go into counceling with me if I want, but it's me who has been a little resistant to the idea. I'm just not ready to sit in front of a total stranger and spill my guts. I really can't take the added stress right now. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this increasing anger I'm feeling? I don't want to shut my husband out and make things worse. Inspite of what he's done, He's been very supportive and really trying hard to put things back together.

DMD

Anger.

In the case of adultery, I view it as an entity all on it's own, and it's real.

My opinion is that it can not be boxed up and locked away.

I guess it's possible to ease some anger by talking to; counselors, therapists, doctors, friends & family perhaps. However, the entire experience is cause for huge anger, and so it can be a living part of the recovery process. Time. It generally takes a long long time for the emotions to fade.

Sometimes the best we can do is to try and manage anger a bit until it eases. It tends to peak from time to time. Recognizing patterns, tendencies, triggers etc might be the best defense. Eventually, I found some coping tools, but sometimes they didn't work. My anger was like trying to put a cork on a volcano.

D-day will be 7 years ago this coming Feb. The anger now is infrequent and relatively small.

The anger after an A is HUGE and you need to feel it and let it out in ways that are least destructive. I knew I needed counseling and found it right away. My first statement to the IC was that I needed help dealing with the mountain of anger and hurt I was sitting on to keep it from overwhelming me. Now it's down to a large hill. Some days I hardly notice it (very busy days).
IC, lots of exercise (the punching bag was really good), and talking (or ranting) to lots of friends helped me tremendously. For some people, asking for help isn't easy. Try hard, you need some support. You've suffered a trauma. It is not small thing.

-Rob

"Focus on what you have, not what you have lost"

Dear Rob and Red Wolf,
Thank you for your responses. You've given me some very good advice and I appreciate it. Counceling will eventually be the best option for me because I really don't have any friends or family that I'd want to share this with. That would definetly only make matters worse. In the meantime, excercise has been helping some. I've been taking a brisk walk with the dog every day. My house is immaculate right now because cleaning is a great outlet for me.
I find the hardest times for me right now are during the day when my H is at work. Since the affair was with someone he works with you can imagine what goes through my head when he's gone.
Again thank you!
DMD