I posted this in another section, maybe this is a better place...
I found out my boyfriend slept with a prostitiute about a week ago. We've been together seven years, since my freshman year in college. He had been having problems with marijuana and has been lying to me about his using for about a year, he claimed to have quit. He found out that his father had an affair and that night he went out and propositiond a hooker. We've since been tested for STDs (everything was negative) been to two priests and he enrolled in a rehab program. His family all knows and have been very supportive and nice to me. No one in my family knows and I feel very alone. I have nightmares about him with the hooker and even though he's sorry and saying he'll do anything to make it up to me, even if it takes him the rest of his life, I feel so betrayed. I don't know how to go on with him, but I don't know how to live without him either. He was the answer to all my prayers and now I feel like I'm living in hell. How do I go on with my life, I feel like he has thrown away seven years of my life, but do I base my whole relationship on one moment? It doesn't seem fair that I leave him and then he'll be better for someone else.. We were happy...I don't know what to do anymore, please help.
Hi Alynna, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. My H also had sex with a prostitute and a few other 'choice' women. I found this out 3 years ago. I can't tell you it is an easy thing to get over, but I can assure you with time it gets easier.
It sounds like he is getting help which is the most important thing. My H has done just about everything I asked him to do, but the most beneficial thing was counseling for him. He had to deal with a lot of demons which drove him to make some really bad decisions. I think he now has the tools to prevent that from ever happenning again, and that is a good thing.
I also found counseling for myself very helpful in the beginning. I don't go anymore, but it was wonderful to have someone to tell everything to. If you are able, I highly recommend it.
I will never forget my H telling me about the prostitute. I would have never imagined it in a billion years that my H could stoop so low. But he did. I know you must be hurting so much and I want you to know I am thinking of you. Carly
You don't have to decide what to do right now. All you need to do it take care of you. Rest, eat and exercise. All hard to do but you must try.
If you need to see a doc for meds(anxiety...depression, etc) then do it. Your emotions will be all over the place...we call it the rollercoaster ride from hell. Everything you are feeling is the norm for someone who has been through a tramatic life changing experience.
There's a ton of good books out there. Learn all you can.
There's a thread on here I'll bump up for you.
I was relieved to see you have been tested for STD's(very smart .
I'm sorry you had to find us but you found a great bunch of people.
I saw your response to my posting, but thought I'd also respond in your thread to let you know how sorry I am this is happening to you. I know what you are going through. In my case, I found out app. 6 weeks ago that my husband has been visiting prostitutes for 2 1/2 years (has gone 10-15 times, by his count). I have been devastated. I wonder how I could have married a man with so little character and so little moral fiber -- a man who could make such bad decisions. I think if we didn't have our son, I would have left him already, though I'm not sure about that.
Basically, discovering this has made me doubt our entire relationship and I don't know that I can ever ever trust him again. Right now, he is away for another week and a half for work and I have no trust that he won't have an "escort" come to his hotel! He swears that he won't see prostitutes anymore. This was a prerequisite for me even beginning to consider staying in the marriage, but I have no faith in him. We are in marriage counseling and, perhaps, it will help, but I don't know if I even want to stay in a relationship with such a weak, selfish person.
I wish I could help you more. Maybe I'll have more perspective in the months to come. At the moment, though, I'm hurting a lot and know you are too.
Hang in there! Thoughts and prayers are coming your way.
"How long after a possible exposure should I be tested for HIV??
The time it takes for a person who has been infected with HIV to seroconvert (test positive) for HIV antibodies is commonly called the "Window Period."
The California Office of AIDS, published in 1998, says about the window period: "When a person is infected with the HIV virus, statistics show that 95-97% (perhaps higher) of all infected individuals develop antibodies within 12 weeks (3-months)."
The National CDC has said that in some rare cases, it may take up to six months for one to seroconvert (test positive). At this point the results would be 99.9% accurate.
* What does this mean for you?
The three-month window period is normal for approximately 95% of the population. If you feel any anxiety about relying on the 3-month result, by all means you should have another test at 6 months."
I wanted to thank you all for the welcome and kind words. My BF is starting counseling next week as well as a drug rehabilitation program. I am also looking into going to see someone, my insurance kicks in in November. All of you have made me feel so much better, the act of posting felt therapeutic and I think its as if that feeeling of being alone was suddenly lifted. It's a comfort to know others are out there and even though we all find ourselves in these terrible situations, we can learn and understand from them. I didn't have anyone to talk to except my BF and his family and while they are great, they don't really understand what this feels like. I'm glad to know that time helps heal, it's been two weeks since he told me and I have definetley been on that roller coaster from hell. We've also been going to speak to a priest and that has helped also. Thanks for the AIDS info, I will be scheduling an appointment for three months,we tested negative, but it has only been about two months now. That's also one of the hardest things, because I keep asking myself how he could be so selfish to put not only his own health at risk, but mine too. I guess there are a lot of questions I won't get answered, but I keep going one day at a time. Again, thank you all for your prayers. Alynna
Oh and thank you for the list of books, I'll be stopping by to check some out after class tonight!!
This message has been edited by alynna on Oct 27, 2005 5:55 PM
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