Since running into the ow in the supermarket a few weeks ago, I've been overcome with the desire to tell her H about her A with my H. I had never met her H before but I do know her. I've tried to really look into the "real" reasons I want to tell him. I just think I would want to know. And I feel really bad for him. She slept with my H in their bed while their children were asleep. Her H worked the night shift and my H did too so he could go by on his way home from work (he got off earlier). I just want him to know. I want her to see the pain in his eyes and feel the full impact an A can have on a family. She doesn't have a clue because her H is clueless. It's like she got off scott free and I'm keeping her dirty little secret. I would be very mad if I was the kept in the dark. I keep putting myself in his place and the ow in my H's place. My H has to deal with the pain he has caused me. I have to deal with the pain this has caused me too. She doesn't have to deal with nothing from her H because he doesn't know. Deep down I want to tell him. My H says no. That she'll get whats coming to her without my help. He says I'll feel terrible for telling him and causing him pain. By being silent I think I am causing him pain... he just don't know it. Plus I think my H wants all this behind us and is afraid of the fall out now that he has come to terms with how truly he has hurt me. Plus he's terribly ashamed of the whole mess and regrets it all. He has been so good and open so I really don't want to hurt him by letting the cat out of the bag... what do yall think?? Please give me some advice on letting it out or letting it go.
I am certainly in no position to give advice, but my "gut" feeling about this is, "what would you accomplish?" Revenge....and then what? You are not in charge of her marriage or her relationship with her husband. It is my guess that enough people have suffered from this...why do you want to cause more pain? How would their children be affected by this? It could be that their entire lives would be turned upside down...again, I would certainly step back and think a bit more about this before you do it. How would you tell him? Would he believe you? Does he want to know? Maybe he doesn't need to know this. Perhaps they have an agreement in their marriage that A's are okay. I would simply advise you to "Proceed with caution"The adage reads, "One GOOD turn deserves another"
My wife confided in my best friend's wife before the affair turned physical. From my perspective, I wasn't given a chance to salvage a very important part of my wife's betrayal. I resent that my best friend's wife knew for 2 months before I did and I doubt that I will ever feel good about her again. My friend didn't know either and we remain good friends.
I said all of that to let you know my perspective on telling these kinds of things. I wish I had been told. You started off in this thread with good intentions then you started talking about how OW is getting off scott free etc. That sounds like revenge.
I guess I have a couple of questions for you.
Do you think telling will even the score with OW?
Do you really want to be the one that hurts their kids?
Do you really want to be the one that hurts OW's husband because you know how this crap feels and you know it will devastate him; especially if he finds out they did it in his bed. Guys have a strong sense of castle ownership. People could get physically hurt.
Then again her H could be really pissed at you for knowing a long time and not letting him know that he is living with a cheater. This is a tough one. I think the answer is within your strongest internal motive. Are you telling because OW deserves pain or are you telling because her H deserves to know?
Hey! I'm new to this, so bear with me. If it were me in your situation, I'd keep it to myself and focus my energy on making my marriage work. These things ar SOOOOO destructive...and affairs are like a pebble tossed into a pond; the ripples keep on moving outward. You, your spouse and the other couple are lucky to be working it out. I wasn't so lucky. All concerned have such a tough road ahead, why cause more pain? If you all make it, great! If not, there's always time to commiserate with him later. Best of luck to you.
>>I just think I would want to know. And I feel really bad for him<<
One piece of advice that I've read about this kind of thing: if you feel that you MUST tell the betrayed spouse then it might be worth considering letting the wayward spouse know about your plans before you take action. I don't know if that's good advice or bad.
It seems to me that it very difficult to be the person who is in the position of "knowing". Some will resent you for telling the truth. Some will resent you for remaining silent. I guess your motives might have something to do with that.
Some would argue that a person has an obligation to tell a betrayed spouse everything that they know because the behavior of a wayward spouse poses a very real health risk.
If she's even half a human, she will eventually be tortured by guilt, which will slowly eat away at her like a cancer, and she'll take it to the grave as a lesser being...a shell of what she could have been...what she SHOULD have been had she been a truly good person, or at least a person who took responsibility for her actions. Imagine the horror in dying with secrets and regrets like that.
If she is truly amoral and feels no guilt, then she will never feel her husband's pain when the truth comes out anyway, so all you will accomplish is making him hurt the way you and I are hurting now, and potentially damaging his children for the rest of their lives, and possibly for their future generations.
I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. Don't do it!
If it were me...no I wouldn't tell as long as the A was over and NC was being maintained.
I wouldn't be surprised if the burden gets too great and she tells him herself somewhere down the line. Not to mention the fear of you spilling the beans might take its toll too, that's gotta be a hard way to live.
Perhaps that would be a better discussion with your H...what to do if she does eventually tell him.
Regards,
Tex
This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Nov 7, 2005 4:56 PM
>>making him hurt the way you and I are hurting now, and potentially damaging his children for the rest of their lives, and possibly for their future generations<<
Bob, I agree. Those are probably the best reasons I can think of for saying nothing. However, it might not be such a good idea that he and his children can be protected from harm by saying nothing. "Telling" will definitely hurt him and his children but saying nothing also has its risks. What he and his children (and future generations) DON'T know could hurt them more deeply in the long run. There's no way of knowing. There is no easy answer, IMHO. But I do agree that if he is told, he will definitely be hurt very badly and that might be the clincher.
Thank you so much H2C you always give such good advise without judging. And to answer your questions... I do not think for one minute by telling her H I would come close to evening the score. She and my H choose this.... it was forced upon me and her H for that matter. And as far as her kids go... she wasn't thinking of them and had I wanted to hurt her kids I'd have let it rip in the supermarket which I did not. And I would be lying if I told you my feeling were pure and I did not want revenge also... because I AM SO DEEPLY HURT!!!! And I know my H is hurting and I feel she should too. She wanted to steal my marriage, my husband and crush my life. Yeah, I'm a bit pissed. But in the scheme of things, I would want to know that my H was having an A. I doubt I'll say anything to him though, I haven't thus far but was just hit with the desire to do so after seeing them and thinking "You poor fool to her H and you low life witch to her" and wanted some feedback. So you helped clear up some things for me. Thanks.
Sage,
I know I am not "in charge of her marriage or relationship with her husband"... never said I was and by telling would I be taking charge? Hell, I'm not even in charge of MINE. No one was concerned for me or my children when they decided to hurt, cheat and lie. Her children have not been hurt by anything to do with their A as far as I know. They looked like the happy little family in the market. My life has been turned upside down, my children knew something was wrong just not what and they have settled back down because Mom has. And if they had an agreement about A's then what would it hurt to tell?? Your response was a bit scolding with a tsk tsk attitude to it... I was looking for some help yeah but a few kind words go a long way.... and I hope one BAD turn deserves another too.
by the time I responed to H2C and sage there was 4-5 more responses. Thanks you all. I doubt I will tell. Just feeling the need to. But it was more for me then for her H so thats why I haven't did anything. I've learned so much from all of you and kinda wanted to reaffirm by decision to remain quite even though I wanted to tell so much. Good advice from you two as always Quinn and Tex thank you... Bob, I've read your posts and keep you in my thoughts and Welcome dude... sorry you're here but glad for your input. I feel so much better now... I won't tell... today. I'll fight the good fight tomorrow.
"He says I'll feel terrible for telling him and causing him pain."
Well O, I immediately told OW's H and I'm not sorry about it. But, it was right when I first caught H cheating and in my view he deserved to know and most of all, I thought it would keep her a bit more controlled by her H and would get her to leave my H alone. I admit, I was mad enough to hurt her back too b/c it was when it first happened. I was also lucky that my H didn't get hurt back then b/c I've heard of the thoughts that lots of people think after finding out and sometimes they are plain old scary - my thoughts were as well back then. With time my hate for the OW seriously faded b/c I did realize it was my H that had done it to me. I know you know this
That said, I agree with the others. After all this time, I'm not sure what it would accomplish unless, of course, you ever feel they are still messing around. At this point you probably have a feel for whether or not your H is being honest or not and things have gone "no contact" with OW. Everyone is right about it hurting their children and badly as you know. The only thing that bugs me about the whole thing is that I wonder if she is likely to do it again if she never came clean about it. In time, she'll get caught if she is. It could be that she realizes how lucky she is to not have gotten caught and may never do it again. Hopefully anyway.
I think my motive for telling is I would want to know no matter the reason the person had for telling me. But the reason I have for telling is to see her hurt.... screwy huh? What I'm trying to say is I'd want to know for any reason, even if the reason was selfish for the someone who told me. I'd hate to be the last to know or go on living a lie and not know it. If someone had told me instead of my finding out on my own I don't know that I would have handled it different. How you find out is not whats important... that you know is. And I do get a little miffed with people when they mention their children's feelings... My H and she did not care and I feel my obligation is to my kids. I took the A hard but I went on and my kids never knew and things are better now. I sheltered my kids and I feel if her and her H are good parents they will do the same. She should have thought about all that before she stepped into my life. The fall out of the decisions she made with my H are not for me to worry about.
<<With time my hate for the OW seriously faded b/c I did realize it was my H that had done it to me. I know you know this>>
God, I hope that is true. I want to let it go. I know it would be easier if she hadn't call me like she did and act like my friend when she was screwing my H and professing to love him.... behind my back. I'll trust you Charlie that the hate will begin to fade... it has for my H... I guess because I've had my say to him and seen his pain. Thanks Charlie!
I won't tell... today cause it's too late and the phone ringing might wake their children..... O is such a smartass ... hehehe
This message has been edited by obeobeo on Nov 7, 2005 10:55 PM This message has been edited by obeobeo on Nov 7, 2005 10:52 PM
O, I should let you know about one other component about our situation. I gave OM an ultimatum, a 12 hour window to tell his wife. I called his wife when I said that I would and his wife knew. That was the day after d-day though.
O
I faced the same choice and as much as I wanted to find a way to hurt the OM, I could not bring myself to be any part of bringing such pain to another innocent person. Yes, I can say I would have wanted to know, but I don't know how this woman feels. She may already know at some level and chooses to ignore it.
My situation is different. The affair is continuing and eventually will become open. My understanding is that OM is not telling his wife because she is undergoing treatment for recently discovered cancer and he wants to be a good guy and not disturb her until she finishes the treatments. STBXW and OM are planning to be together after that.
Actually, if I find out when she actually does find out, I plan to offer my support to her if she will accept it. I know what pain it is and we share the same cause of betrayal. I have no desire to see her suffer. I couldn't care less about him.
It is not easy and I'm sure this issue will surface again for you. No easy answer, but do consider your reasons. If the primary one is revenge, and I do understand that feeling all too well, you might find yourself not feeling as good as you expect after.
You need to consider if telling him will cause YOU more pain.
Someone commented:
<<Do you really want to be the one that hurts their kids?>>
Excuse me, maybe I am too close to my d-day to see straight (less than 90 days) but your husband and the OW are the ones that have hurt their kids as well as your children if you have any.
You are in a very difficult situation. Telling will cause pain, but how much pain will not telling cause? Are you sure your H has broken it off and there is absolutely no contact? Have you discussed what he feels he would do if she approached him in the future?
My H and the OW both claimed it had been over for years (10 years) when I found out. I found out they have 2 children together and my H has always visited them. It is unbelievable the number of people, who have know for years and have participated in the deception. Each circumstance is different, but in mine, I believe I could have been spared a lot of pain as well as my daughter if someone had been willing to tell me sooner. Now my daughter has too deal with her entire life her dad has lied to her. Both the OW and my H lied for years and said there was nothing. She claimed she didn't know him. He admitted to a one-night stand, begged for forgiveness and then swore he would have no contact. He conviently left out the part about her being pregnant. My stupidity for blindly trusting without verifying.
Once I saw a husband of a friend out with another woman. Since it was a close friend, I walked up to him and said you have 24 hours to tell your wife. In 24 hours, I will be calling her and relaying only the facts that I have seen, not adding to it or covering anything up. He went home and told his wife a lie and started slandering me. I didn't have to wait 24 hours because within 4 hours the wife was calling me. She felt he was lying and I told her only what I saw. It did not harm our friendship because we were close enough that she knew I would not do anything to intentionally harm her family. She was glad I had told her. She had thought something was going on but like me couldn't verify it so she had to take her H's word. In this situation, because she was a good friend, I felt I could not live with myself if I did not tell her. I would have felt like I had choosen to wink at their sin and I would have became a part of their deception. I have not been in the same circumstances with someone that was not a friend. I think I would be more cautious about telling someone I did not know very well.
Regardless of how you think it may turn out, it will be like walking into a mine field.
I am coming up on 7 months since d-day. My story is on the members forum. The ow was someone I know. My H and she worked together. Its been on and off since 1999. I found out in april and since my H has had NC. We have worked hard and he is truly sorry and is willing to do most anything to get us on track again. He checks in... I have access to his email accounts and the cell bill comes to the house. He works a second job and is always available to get in touch with. I know his schedule and he calls on the way home every night. I can call in through the switch board to get to him if I want to. I know how much he makes an hour and how many hours he works. He is doing all he can to make me feel ok. I beleive him because he has CHANGED. He is a different man. He is happier. He said that was the worst years of his life and said it felt like a weight had been removed. We have as much time together as we can and to put it simply... he eats me up and seems really gratful I've given him this chance. And this has been going on since d-day. We're rebuilding and I know I am blessed to have a H who is recommitted because when I have no faith in us he has enough for both of us.
You see it's not my H I'm struggling with. It's the ow. She lives about 4 miles away and I see her quite a bit... riding down the road, at a red light, at the market etc and usually I just want to ram her car but at the market I seen her H for the first time and she had her kids with her and they looked like the happy little family and I was thinking if I was in his place I would want to know. I had never really considered him until I saw them together. Like I said before.... my reasons for telling him are to hurt her but I think I may be doing him a favor also. I know I would want to know.
and Robbed, like you, I get kinda sick of getting her kid's well being shoved down my throat... like if I say something and they get hurt it's my fault but my H and she are the ones who did it! It's like I'm helping her keep their dirty little secret. I don't like it.
Hi! Guess I'm not a very nice person because I would tell. When I found out about my H affair with his ex-secretary, I let her ex know what a slut she was. She had also had an affair with another guy at work. I knew who the secretary was & I was out for revenge. I'll admit that I hate her. If that makes me a bad person, than too bad. Besides, if you want to look at it from a nice point of view,in your situation, I would think the OW's H would want to know so that he could get tested for STD's. Maybe this wasn't her first affair. I got tested as soon as I found out about my H's affair. You know the old saying"When you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone they've ever slept with". YUK!
Hey O...I apologize for coming on too strong to you in my recent post. I was not in any way implying that you were in charge of their marriage...I guess I meant to say that their relationship is out of your control...why would you want control? I am merely trying to point out that you don't really have anything to gain by telling the OW's H. I think, at some point in your life, you would regret it. You and your H are in a place now where you need to move beyong what effect this A had on anyone else but you and your children. Again, it was your husband who violated the relationship, not the other woman. I would simply say that you need to put your energy back into you own relationship rather than worrrying about the OW;s. Please don't interpret this as not being supportive. I think you are luck to have been able to choose to work it out...I hope my comments don't come across as "sour grapes"....I would personally not ever divulge the information to the OW's husband...but that is me personally, and you certainly are entitled to following through with you instincts...pay attention to what your instincts are telling you...if there is a shadow of a doubt, then you might need to reconsider.
Again, sorry if I offended you in any way. I am in no position to offend anyone or even try to do so....I am in the middle of muddling through my trauma...as is anyone else in this forum. Please forgive me.
Most of the time I feel the same as you. I guess I'm mean too but that don't make us bad people. We're just deeply hurt. I try to take the high road most of the time but when I seen the ow and her family in the market I knew he didn't know. I want to tell her H because I would want to know myself no matter what the reason the person had that told me. I felt extremely sorry for him and I still think he needs to know, but my reason for telling are mostly revenge... so thats what I was struggling with. My H will support whatever I decide to do but he is not in favor of doing it. He's afraid of the fall-out to our family if the ow's H decides to show-out. We just don't want any harm to "our" kids. You can never tell what a person will do when they are hit with something like this.
Sage,
No harm, no apology needed but thanks.. all is forgiven.
<<I guess I meant to say that their relationship is out of your control...why would you want control?>>
I don't want control of anything. This is not about control, it's about knowledge. If it was me I WOULD WANT TO KNOW. If someone with-held the information from me, I would feel like a fool all over again.
<<Again, it was your husband who violated the relationship, not the other woman.>>
She violated our friendship. She lied to my face while she tried to take my H. She complained about her H and wanted me to do the same. She wanted to use that information against me. I thought we were friends so yes she did violate our relationship (hers and mine) and she also hurt me and shook me to my soul that someone could be that evil and it had touched my life. I'm not saying it's easier if you don't know the ow just that it's double hard when you do.
<<I would simply say that you need to put your energy back into you own relationship rather than worrrying about the OW;s>>
My H and I are making great progress. We are putting our energy into us. But she was a part of the picture and I have to deal with my feeling over that. My H hurts when he sees me in pain. It hurts me to hear him say how sorry he is but the guilt on his face and the pain in his eyes are more than I can stand. I hurt for him. I think she should have to feel the same pain. Selfish of me? Maybe. She deserves what she gets. But today she is safe... I'll not tell today. I wish you well and I'm sorry for all your pain too. O
This message has been edited by obeobeo on Nov 9, 2005 2:46 PM
>>It is unbelievable the number of people, who have know for years and have participated in the deception.<<
And that is precisely what makes my blood boil - that somehow this behaviour is acceptable, or none of anyone else's business, or it's no one's problem but the betrayers/betrayed, etc. For SEVEN years, my exH ran around with one woman after another in the same circle of friends. These women as well as the friends (with each other, SURELY NOT my friends) came to my house, socialized freely with me, looked me in the eye and didn't breathe a word to me about my ex's behaviour. He told me that he told them that we had an open marriage and I knew about the affairs and didn't care. Oh, is that why no one mentioned them to my face?
On my very darkest bad days, I reflect on how different my life would be now if one of those spineless lowlifes (and that's diplomatic, folks)had told me. Maybe even if it was seven months after an affair had ended. I would have had information to make appropriate choices for me, rather than had the choices made for me or, more aptly, TO me.
Amen Sister... that is exactly what I'm talking about... I would want to know. But the ow's H is not my friend... I just thought she was. Do I really have the right to tell this man just because my H just happened to be the man she was f*@king?? I feel bad for him... but revenge is my reason for telling. Does that make any difference??? O
Well, I was more or less told by the OW's H. Actually, her H had caught my exH and his "lovely" wife in BED together and told my ex he had 2 weeks to tell me. Two weeks to the day, the phone call came - my husband got it - but it all came out that night. All... HA! That is a laugh. What I meant is that bits and pieces, a little piece of the disgusting puzzle, came out that night.
O, are you sure the H doesn't know already? That is the part that would make me feel odd...
And yes, my ex's work "buddies" knew and they all kept his secret. I have NO use for any of them - and even some of his friends that knew - they're all gutless turds to me.
Monica
This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot
I'm not positive that he don't know but from the way she used to talk about him all macho and stuff, it seemed like I would have heard from him if so. He may already know... but she about had a cow when she seen me. I just felt he didn't know. Could be wrong though...
H2C you always get right to the point!! And to answer... I'm scared to hurt someone else like I've been hurt. But being scared doesn't stop my desire to tell him... does that make sense? It is not on my mind all the time, just hits me. And I'm torn... The bad reasons to tell way out weigh the good ones but the bottom line is... I would want to know but He's not me and may not feel the same.
Well, O, I appreciate your ability to be honest and to the point as well. Honestly, O, I would have told by now. But, I think you are better than me conscience-wise.
There is the chance that if you spill the beans and her husband finds out he might boot her out the door and she may come looking for your husband as a shoulder to cry on.
There is the potential for others to be hurt in the process (ie kids)
I agree with the posts above. Think about what you would really gain since the only reason I can see for you wanting to do it is to hurt her.
I agree with Q - if you think about this long and hard and you feel he should know then your best bet would be to contact the OW and tell her that if she doesn't tell her H that you will. NOT because you want to hurt her, but because cheating and lies are wrong and your morales don't allow you to hold in such information that you know he has a righ to know.
If it comes from you there will likely be back and forth revenge and you will never feel safe and comfortable. However if you give her the option of telling before you do, then you have laid your cards on the table and showed her you can be the mature one. It puts the onus on her.
just my 2 cents or is that .50 of a cent in Canada
Edited to add: I never told the H because I never wanted to hurt another person the way I was hurting. I figured eventually, like they always do, she would slip up and he would find out. OR maybe he knew and just pretended not to in order to keep peace in the marriage. I figured it was not my business, my marriage was my business, nothing more, nothing less.
This message has been edited by Canuck_Kid on Nov 9, 2005 9:31 PM
I have been thinking alot about this post since I wrote the above and I had a thought that crossed my mind. If I really wanted to tell the OM I think I would sleep on it a bit and see if I still felt the same way a month from now, two months from now or how ever long you decide. Then I would truly know I was doing it because it was the right thing to do rather than for revenge.
I do feel that he should find out, I am just not sure the woman scorned is the right person to break the news.
What a difficult topic......has me thinking alot since I never did tell the OM. Makes me wonder if I should have.
<<O, I would have told by now. But, I think you are better than me conscience-wise.>>
you have the conscience of a saint.... and I appreciate your input and respect your knowledge. I guess I'm just scared of the unknown.... will he cause my family trouble?? Will MY kids get hurt? Maybe in the long run they will find out anyway but I'm afraid of being the catalyst. I guess maybe I got my answer huh?.... silence.. I'd rather be silent than have some half cocked hurt man looking for revenge.
kid,
My H wants nothing to do with this mess. He has changed his cell number and she can't get his work number.. it's private cause he works for the government. My H is more concerned with her H causing trouble... but if I decide to tell it I WILL take your advise by giving her the option to tell first. VERY good advise... thanks. O
Thanks so much... it's only been 3 weeks since I seen them in the market..... I'll give it till Jan 24 and rethink my options.... until then.... I'll take one day at a time and pray I get the wisdom or courage to do whats right. I'm the only on who has to live with me. O
I like the fact that I can look in the mirror every day and know that I never intentionally hurt people and I try to treat everybody how I expect to be treated. I think, I hope, it is one of my virtues. I like the person that stares back at me and that is a good feeling.
Sounds like your alot like me O. Just wandering around trying to figure out what's right. Whatever you decide O, just know you didn't cause this mess and you are doing the right thing by putting thought and effort into this decision. Nobody can ever say you haven't considered either side and you will be able to look in the mirror.
O - It is clear that you do have a great deal of consideration for others or you would not be giving this whole issue so much thought. You want to feel good about yourself and your choices, but also acknowledge that you are having feelings of revenge - that is certainly normal. You are trying to look at all sides of this. I don't think there is any clear answer that is right.
I think your decision to wait is a good one. Perhaps at some time, you will have more clarity about what is right for you. Right now you are still feeling unsure, so not acting still keeps your options open until you are clear.
-Rob
I dealt with the same issue you are dealing with--do I tell?
Before I give my 2 cents worth I want to say to Sage that yes, her husband did this to her, but so did the other woman! She knew what she was doing and that O would be hurt and she did it anyway. The OW didn't make any vows to O but she intentionally hurt another human being. Period. The A couldn't have happened without her participation so she is just as much to blame. Hence, the feeling for revenge is totally understandable IMO.
Now, to get back to the issue. I wish I had been told about my husband's A's. That's me. I have a strong need to know things, whether it's good for me or not. Having said that, I did NOT tell the 2 husbands. Not because I didn't want to but because of the possible fall-out. Yes, I felt the husbands should know but I also had a great need for revenge, for the OW to experience even a little of the hurt I was experiencing, and to know I caused it just as they had caused it for me. (Not very nice, I know. A's definately do not bring out the best in us.) I felt too that the OW were getting off "scott-free". I thought in telling it might give me a little closure on that front. But then I thought about my family. Actually, my MC helped me think about my family. Our kids (20 and 25) do not know and I don't want them to. By telling the husbands it could very well come out if they decided to call the house or come over or whatever. Also, I realized how crazed the A made me. Who's to say what these men might be driven to if they found out. My husband could be physically harmed or killed (it happens, listen to the news)and my kids could be physically harmed. I would never do anything to put my kids in harms way. Knowing that you have children I would beg you for their sake to keep it to yourself.
I was not beyond threatening to tell however. Early on I called them both and told them that I knew everything and that if they ever again had ANY kind of contact with my H again I would tell their husbands. I would share everything I know with them including pictures and e-mails. (My husband was so sure I wouldn't find out that he kept everything and I printed it all out when I found it.) I think that scared them as there has not been any contact since.
Weigh everything and good luck with your decision.
Angela
Its been a while (almost a month) and I feel so proud of myself for not saying anything. After several weeks of obsessing, dreaming of revenge and feeling sorry for the ow's H I've come to the conclusion that I need to focus on my relationship with my H and protecting my family (MY KIDS). My H failed terribly in the protection of the family department so I must do my part to ensure my family does not get hurt. My kids are so much more important than my need to tell. Giving myself a deadline helped to keep me in check. I promised myself to give it to jan 24... I believe and I now feel stronger with resolve that it will come out but not from me and I need to focus on how my H and I will deal with it then.
Angela,
your post was great. It helps so much just to have someone in your corner and help fight your battles... not really give advice or even listen... just jump right in with passion and conviction for justice.... as we the BS sees it anyway. Thanks sister......O
