Autosuggestions are basically just instructions that you give to yourself. In other words, they are statements made to your unconscious mind.
Internal Dialogue
We all give ourselves suggestions all of the time, often of a limiting or negative nature. Sometimes people who are very sceptical about autosuggestion complain: “I don’t see how just saying stuff to yourself can make any difference!” On reflection, it should be common sense that both what we say to ourselves and how we say it, make an absolutely huge difference! We are all familiar with the effect that our words can have upon the thoughts and feelings of others. Our internal dialogue works upon our own mind in the same way, only its influence is more pervasive, more insidious, and more continuous. If you have the chance to observe people who suffer from severe anxiety or depression you will soon notice the repetitive patterns of self-talk which feed their negative feelings. Things like “Nobody likes me, I’m useless at everything, I don’t have the strength to change things.” Cognitive therapists refer to this as ‘negative self-talk’ or ‘Automatic Negative Thoughts’ (ANTs).
EXERCISE: Raising Self-Awareness of ANTs
When we become more aware of our negative thoughts and we recognise their harmful effects we can begin to stop them. An extremely useful exercise in raising awareness is simply to externalise the internal dialogue and talk out loud. Imagine that you are talking to someone else using the same words and tone of voice that you use in your internal dialogue. (Change any use of “I” into the word “You.”) Imagine talking to someone you honestly care about, perhaps a small child -we often find that the unconscious responds like a child. Imagine how the words and tonality would affect them. Would you really choose to speak to another person in that way? Go one stage further: How would you expect them to respond?
Take the exercise one stage further again by stepping back and looking at yourself talking in that way to the other person. Ask yourself honestly: “What can you learn about your internal dialogue by doing this?” Focus on the “what” and “how” of things rather than the “why.” How are you expressing yourself and what is the effect? Surprisingly, this exercise very often leads to the recognition of hostility is in our self-talk. Think for a moment how paradoxical this is: many times I have heard people snap at themselves angrily “For God’s sake, why can’t you get things right!” , or words to that effect. This internal dialogue is trying to make them stronger, but creating the opposite effect: it’s counter-productive!
Be aware that negative autosuggestions are often disguised as questions. For example, “Why do I always screw things up?” This questions merely conceals the statement and negative suggestion “I always screw things up!” Questions like “Why me?” often imply answers like “Because I am a bad person and deserve to be punished!” That’s the suggestion!
Also be aware that self-talk which, if taken literally, would be positive often becomes negative because of the tone of voice used inside the mind. “I am supremely confident!” looks OK on paper, but becomes a negative suggestion if it is said in an incongruent tone of voice, e.g., with a dreary, despondent voice, or in a sarcastic tone.
EXERCISE: Exterminating those Pesky ANTs
Raising self-awareness is the most important first step and often leads to a sense of letting go powerful enough to undermine the ANTs, either partially or completely removing their negative effects. However, there are several other practical measures which can be used to fight back powerfully against negative thoughts or transform them into something positive.
Humour
It is helpful to realise that much of the power of communication lies in the way things are said. Behavioural researchers tell us that as much as 97% of communication is non-verbal. A positive remark said with a sarcastic voice can be more damaging than a fundamental criticism made with tact and sensitivity –it’s not what you say it’s the way that you say it!
Knowing this, it makes sense to disempower negative internal dialogue by giving it a ludicrous, squeaky ‘Mickey Mouse’ voice and/or imagining it being said by a man with a clown’s nose on his face! Do whatever you find makes the whole thing seem ridiculous. In the cold light of day, these kind of negative criticisms are crazy and irrational, and stem from a part of the mind which is blinkered and presumptuous of a moral authority which it simply does not possess. The internal critic is an idiot posing as a king.
The basic principle is as follows, by making negative thoughts sound ridiculous you are making them appear as they truly are. If you neglect to do this you are allowing them to claim a position of authority to which they have no right.
Disputing
Most negative thoughts are unquestioningly assumed to be valid, and repeated automatically without reflection. They are used to hammer home an idea without any rational justification, and as such they depend on an assumption of complete authority. When we pause to really analyse them we usually find that they are partially false, or at least uncertain.
The most common trend of irrational thinking is generalisation, which can take many subtle shapes and forms. For example, “I never get things right,” is an absurd generalisation. It is usually said with an air of complete conviction even though a moment’s reflection tells us it cannot be literally true –in the real world there’s no such thing as “never.” Imagine snapping: “You never get anything right!” to a small child. Would that help them to improve? No, it would probably do the opposite; shattering their self-esteem so that they struggle even more. Even saying “You have made a lot of mistakes,” would be a better and more truthful way of putting things, although focusing on the positive by saying something like “I think you could improve next time by…” is usually more helpful.
Generalisations are depressing. If I believe that “nobody likes me” or “I never get anything right” then… well, I’m just stuffed! I haven’t even got a foothold to start fixing things. If I pretend that everything is bleak then I trap myself and cut myself off from the possibility of constructive action. That leads to feelings of helplessness, and consequently depression.
Test out the validity of negative thoughts by asking if another statement would be more truthful or accurate. Search out any exaggeration or generalisations, look for any possible counter-examples and exceptions. Negative internal dialogue is often frighteningly aggressive or depressingly despondent. Tact and sensitivity are essential elements in any communication whether external or internal: be fair to yourself and criticise constructively!
Thought Stopping
Often the simplest approach is the best. An old behaviour therapy technique is to imagine a big red sign saying “STOP!” and a voice yelling “STOP!” if you so much as notice the negative patterns beginning. This sounds too easy but it works well for many people and can even make you laugh. The key to making it work is that it has to be done as powerfully and dramatically as possible… WHAM!
Core Counter-Suggestion
The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle first proposed, in the Ethica Nicomachea his masterpiece on training ‘character excellence’, that all behaviour can be analysed in terms of the pursuit of a single underlying purpose: the ‘final goal.’ Aristotle attempted to show that for any action we can ask “What would you get from doing that?”, “What is it done for the sake of?” He believed these questions can be asked over and over, in a chain, allowing us to trace back our specific actions to core underlying values. His famous conclusion was that all human action was fundamentally the pursuit of Eudaimonia, which roughly translates as “the kind of happiness that comes from being fulfilled.”
Aristotle did not believe that people could be fundamentally wicked, only misguided. People sometimes err and miss their target of eudaimonia, nevertheless happiness is our constant underlying purpose. Some people try to achieve happiness by grasping after money or fighting for popularity, even by attacking or denigrating other people. Aristotle (unlike Freud) was empathic enough to realise that these are basically errors of judgement, and a matter of ignorance rather than wickedness. What has this to do with you? Well, even when you think negative thoughts, you are often trying to achieve something positive, just going about it the wrong way. Look for the real underlying intention behind your internal dialogue. Often it is as if deep down we are trying to tell ourselves something positive but getting the message across in a rather negative and counter-productive way.
For example, one female client told me that she kept asking herself “Why me?” I asked her “When you ask that question what are you trying to achieve?” “To punish myself!” She broke into tears and I sensed this was as far as her own analysis of the question had gone. I asked “What are you trying to achieve by punishing yourself?” “I don’t know… to make myself learn a lesson or something I suppose.” “And when you learn that lesson what will that give you?” “I’ll be more mature and less stupid.” “And when you are more mature, what will that give you?” “I’ll be more confident.” By this point she had come out of her tears and was starting to look more interested in what she was saying.
I proceeded to ask her “Hmm… confident you say… and that means?” She gave me various examples of what she meant by being more confident in her life. I asked her to write them down on a piece of paper. Without this definition, “confidence” is an empty word, an abstraction. I said “Now that’s your definition of confidence, that’s what you mean by that word.” Hold that paper in your hand when you do self-hypnosis and your suggestion is “I am now becoming more confident.” I call that a “core counter-suggestion.” Why not just “cut to the chase” and say so, her “Why me?” was trying to make her grow up and be confident but was way off the mark -it was having the opposite effect!
Turn the negative into a positive. All this negative stuff is really trying to help you, but just going about it the wrong way. When you think about suggestion this way you will realise that you are not fighting against a horde of pesky ANTs but simply helping your unconscious to achieve its real, fundamental goals –which are always positive!
Thanks. I will try to study and digest this. Has it worked for you? Or did you not have a problem with obsessive negative thoughts? Is this common or am I in need of some serious attention to my mental health? Thanks again.
Teresa
Kat...what a fantastic post. Where did you get that? It looks so familiar to me but i can't put my finger/mind on the reference...I have read so many books. If you can supply us with the reference, I would be interested in going back to "revisit" the information or purchase the book....in the event that I don't have it. It sounds a bit like some of the stuff in the book Catastrophic Living???? something like that. I can't recall the author. Thanks for sharing
Thanks Kat! I am doing the Mastermind program thru my church. My church(Unity) believes in positive affirmations. They also believe that what you put out into the world(positive or negative thoughts) is what you get back. They also believe that your every thought is a prayer. I am learning to watch my every thought & be more positive.Takes alot of self-control & being aware.
When my relationship initially dissolved, I had the 'why am I such a foul up?' thinking... inspite of having what I thought was a high self strength and esteem. This article has reminded me of the good I saw in myself and that I am increasingly seeing again.
