Ok I had a bad day yesterday. I was just so mad at H for what he has done. Did anybody ever take out revenge on WS or MOW? I think of all kinds of things to do too hurt these people because I am hurting so much that I want them to feel the same pain as me. Is this normal thinking? Somedays I want too work things out and then other days I don't. My H is being really good about it and very careing. How long does it take before you know enough is enough and it is time to go our seperate ways? If H is being remorsefull and being accountable for his actions can I ever feel the same way about him again? I am so confused!!
I think many of us have done things along those lines. Of course you don't want to wind up in legal trouble. Also, you don't want to flip the switch so that they are the victim and you are the villain.
The OP will never feel the pain that you are feeling. It's an entirely different experience. It is not uncommon for someone in that role to dig their heels in and remain amazingly bold, cocky, and arrogant. That was my experience with the OW. In hindsight, I think complete silence with all my information would have been more empowering for me and much more disturbing for 'them'. That's my tactic now.
How long does it take to know enough is enough before separation?
Every one of our situations differ. Two years? Four years? Some of us tried reconciliation for four years, and were unable to mend the damage. We divorced after all that work. Some of our members are still married after several years of great effort. I don't see that the pain is ever completely gone or that people wind up feeling the same about their spouses again as they did before the affair.
Annette, you are so completely normal in your thoughts and feelings. We've all had them to one degree or another.
What you are feeling is totally normal. And only you will know when enough is enough. And no, I dont think anyone ever feels the exact same way about their WS ever....at least I know I wont. Can I live with what I feel for him now, maybe. Only time will tell. And it takes a lot of time to heal from this. Give yourself time before making a decision. It is very difficult, I know. I am 16 months past d-day and still the rollercoaster hasnt stopped...but the ups and downs are not nearly as bad as they were.
Take Care,
Carol~
ADDED: Yes, I wanted revenge. I wanted both of them to feel my pain...but that is not possible. But oh how I wish it was.
This message has been edited by pizzalady on Nov 30, 2005 10:50 AM
A LOT of things have gone through my mind since my H told me about his A. It is most certainly normal to have thoughts of revenge when you are in so much pain,after all misery loves company. In my situation the OW's H had just left her because he was having an A. How's that for ironic? The times that I had talked to her she kept talking about how much it hurt her when her husband left her for another woman,she went on and on about her marriage and how her husband destroyed her faith in everything blah blah blah,all this while she was sleeping with my H. I don't believe that my marriage will ever be the same nor will I ever look at my H the same way again,I have certainly lost a lot of respect for him and not a day goes by that I don't wonder if I am making the right decision by staying. This A has really tested my limits and I'm postive it will continue to do so. Everyone is different and when it is time to make a decision one way or the other you will know as I feel I will also. Good Luck.
Get to where you aren't in misery anymore and you find different company. It just always seems the Big Man works in his own mysterious ways for you and you can just leave it in His hands while you go about your own life and make your own way. No, I don't need revenge, I have more important things on my mind right now. Anyone know where I can get a cool "Pulp Fiction" print?
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells, dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning and mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The soon-to-be-ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely. She said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth - but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed.
Within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
You know that has got to be my absolute favorite joke. I also like the one of the boat sitting in the front yard piled with all the guys shit in it and in red spray paint across the front there is some nasty comment like "cheater".
Oh wouldn't this world be a fine place if we all took revenge though
I must admit that I found it difficult to control myself when I frequently drove past ex's brand spanking new truck parked in a deserted parking lot.........usually after dark. But I refuse to stoop to his level.
