Well, I haven't cried in 2 days. That's good. I think one of the things that is driving me crazy is that I hardly ever see my H. How are we supposed to fix this mess, have a relationship, & be a family if we never see each other? Tomorrow he heads back to the coast for his normal Thurs.-Sunday temp. job. Even when he's home the kids & I hardly ever see him. He's up & gone in the morning & doesn't get home until between midnight & 3 a.m. I give him credit for finding enough work to pay most of the bills but this lifestyle is driving me crazy & I know it's not good for the kids either. He keeps saying that"things will get better" but I am so tired of hearing that! He's been out of work(a real job) for 12 months now. I want, and need, my H & the kids need their dad. This A business is bad enough to deal with & then the fact that we never have much time together makes it so much worse. We haven't even had a nite out in 2 weeks.I feel like I don't have a H. He says it's hard on him too.I feel like I can't really figure out my life until he gets a real job with regular hours so that we can actually have time to be together & talk; see if there's enough of a marriage left to save. So, I feel like my life is in limbo.I have no control over things right now.

I know exactly what you are going thru. My H also works many hours and most of them at nightime, so during the daytime he sleeps and by the time he gets up there is only time for him to get ready to go back to work and for me to yell at him. I have also spent many hours crying and being angry. I want to get it all out, but he is not around to do so. His A’s have made me very bitter and sad and my self-esteem is shut down. The bad thing about is that I still love him like you probably love your H. I just started to share my feelings in this forum and I am very lost myself and probably don’t have the best advise for you. But one thing I know is true and that is that most people do recover from a divorce, if you go that route, and that there are many successful stories about couples that have found happiness at the end. The question is how much more are you going to wait for him? And can you handle it? Good Luck to you.

Hi Irene! Yes, I know there can be happiness after divorce. this is my 2nd marriage & it has been wonderful up until the A & the lies.Well, I'm not willing to put up with his jobs & long hrs. forever but right now we don't have much choice. House is in foreclosure, his car was repoed this fall. Our credit is ruined. He's not working all these hrs. to stay away from us. He's trying to save the house, etc. He does understand that I am only willing to do this a few more months though.It's just hard to pack up a family & move when you don't have money.

I was also married before and got divorce because of my X’s A. I was 33 years old and had a 7 yr old D and no work. But I was very unhappy after the A, so made a decision that was very hard and walked out. I only had $30 and I was going from Florida to Puerto Rico. How I did it? I sold everything I had of value. Maxed out all my credit cards and borrowed money from friends. It is funny, but I borrowed money from people that when I told them my story, they were very supportive. I started from scratch with nothing. Three years later I had it all back. My D says that it was the best thing I did because she was very sad about us the arguments. Later I got married again to a man worst than the one I left before, but because I made once I know I can do it again and so can you. Continue working your marriage, but don’t believe that you can’t make it without him because you can.

Hi Irene. I don't think I was clear about what I meant to say at the end of my last post. I meant it was hard for a family(including my H) to move & start over. That is why we have toughed it out here hoping another good job would turn up.Yes, I do know that if I left H & moved that I would be o.k. too. I am not too worried about starting over if I have to. I do believe that H & I can work things out though. He was wonderful to me for all these yrs. until he had the A. I don't know why he did such a stupid thing but he is trying to figure that out. I am lucky because he has never treated me badly except for the A. Yes, I hurt like hell but I am hoping to eventually get over this & put our marriage back together.I will never feel the same way about him but hopefully we can still have a good marriage.I hope that you can find peace & happiness too. I know what you mean about being lonely. I don't really have any friends here.

THANK YOU!!!! That is what I say. He can tailor it any way he wants. But he was wrong and wrong is wrong. I am getting stronger every minute and this club is helping more that any other therapy I ever imagined. Thanks again.

Talked to H on the phone last nite & asked him if he was going to be proactive if a job didn't turn up within the next few months. He said "yes" that he knew he'd have to finally do something if a job didn't turn up soon. Wow! It was good to hear him finally realize that! I know it would be hard for us to move but I am willing to do so if necessary.Also, I asked him if he remembered what I want for x-mas & he said "yes". I asked him if he was going to do it & he said "yes". See, He's never written me a letter or love note the whole 16 1/2 yrs. that we've been together but, he got online & copied a love poem for the OW when he was seeing her. He never gave her the poem but it's always bothered me that he went to the trouble to do that for her but has never even written me a love note or card. So, that's all I want for x-mas.It will mean alot to me if he does it.Change of subject- 6 days & no tears!Thanks everyone for all your help!!