Well, after my husband's various affairs, still I hoped we could reconsile. In fact I believed we were really working things out. I got a new place, feeling like a new start was just what we needed.
After I moved in, he said he would stay with the other house until we surrendered it, and would make the best of the two households until we could be together again.
Then, he started to become distant again. He started talking to one of the women again, but stated that she was born again, and he was helping her do bible studies, and that they no longer had feelings toward each other in the lustful way. The studies started over the phone, then I found out that he was going to her home for the studies.
I came home from work yesrterday, and he called to tell me he was at her home working on her computer and he was getting ready to leave and come to the house. An hour passed, so I called but no answer on his cell. I went to have dinner with my mother, then called him again. I explained that it was my understanding that he was coming home two hours ago. He was like "oh"...well she came home and we started watching TV and doing a bible study." I was like, and you couldn't call to tell me you changed plans.....I sat and have been waiting two hours for you.
He finally gets to the house another hour later, and keeps his distance. I asked him to sit and spend some time with me, but he said he really had to get home. I asked why he could spend 4 hours or more with her, and not want to spend a few minutes with me, his wife. THEN he went into this big spill about how I left home and got this place, and my place is with him at the other house, and he has no intention of moving in with me, etc....that I never should have left the house.
I explained to him the reason I left was because he had emotionally abandoned me, and I was tired of him spending all his time on the phone with other people and watching TV, and pretending I didn't exist in the home. And when I didn't do dishes a night or two, I got verbally bashed for it, because I'm tired at the end of the day. Yet he and my stepson were home all day, and could have done them. He said I was the wife, and I should stick with him no matter what because of our vows, and we had a covenant, not a social contract.
I told him to leave....and I cried myself to sleep...yet, again. Then I got up at 2AM this morning, cried to the Lord again, then found peace. I packed up his things that he had there and placed them at the door, and called him and told him his stuff was ready, and to leave the house key on his way out today from picking up his stuff.
I told him that I was not divorcing him, but would not be living with him either. I told him if he couldn't control his urges, and felt he was to sleep with this woman again, then to let me know so I could file for a divorce then.
Anyway, that's where it was left. I told him that I wanted peace between us, just so we could be civil to one another. There was no reason to be ugly toward each other regarless of our situation. I asked him if he wanted to have breakfast with me and the baby somewhere, and he agreed. It was a very quiet breakfast, very awkward. I expressed my gratitude for breakfast, and left.
<<< He said I was the wife, and I should stick with him no matter what because of our vows>>>
I'd be interested to know what vows he took that makes it alright for him to betray you and disregard those same vows over and over?
<<<I packed up his things that he had there and placed them at the door, and called him and told him his stuff was ready, and to leave the house key on his way out today from picking up his stuff.>>>
That took alot of guts and faith to remove yourself and your child from a desructive situation especially considering he doesn't sound remorseful for his continuous acts of betrayal.
Carmen wrote >>He started talking to one of the women again, but stated that she was born again, and he was helping her do bible studies ... he went into this big spill about how I left home and got this place, and my place is with him at the other house, and he has no intention of moving in with me ... He said I was the wife, and I should stick with him no matter what because of our vows, and we had a covenant, not a social contract<<
Surely, there is a special place in hell for people who get into the habit of using this particular brand of manipulation.
>>I packed up his things that he had there and placed them at the door, and called him and told him his stuff was ready, and to leave the house key on his way out today from picking up his stuff ... I told him if he couldn't control his urges, and felt he was to sleep with this woman again, then to let me know so I could file for a divorce then<<
Wow! Good for you, Carmen! Good for you for not falling for this nonsense and for taking a strong stand for your family and for yourself. You may have given your family the best chance that it has of remaining a real family.
I admire your strength and conviction and I believe that I probably should have done that same thing at one point but could not do it,and I imagine I would have do dig deep inside myself to find that kind of strength. You did the right thing for yourself and your baby. I also believe that you are also right in not making a hasty decision about divorce as it is something that needs a lot of thought. You have a good head on your shoulders and I think you can rely on your own good judgement. Good luck.
Your H committed ADULTERY; therefore, you have every right to leave him and to divorce him. God will not hold it against you. See Matthew 5:32. (It is also true for women. So don’t let him sabotage your mind with guilty feelings. Keep the faith Sister and continue praying. God Bless you.