I just discoverd two days ago that my wife has had an affair with someone at work. I am devistated! and have no one to help me deal with this. I am to ashamed to talk to my friends or family. We have been together since high school 15 years and married for five years. About 6 years ago we were living toghether and she had an affair with someone she was seeing while I was in the service trying to become a better man for her.
I blamed myself because a month earlier she asked if we were ever going to get married and I told her that I wasn't sure because my parents marrage was so horrible and abusive I was afraid I would repeat thier mistakes. It wasnt until I busted her, that I found out she had a past with this person. She promised that it would never happen again so not wanting to lose her we got married. when I discover emails to a cowrker discribing sexual acts I confronted her and threatend to leave she swore to her death that it was not physical but the next day I discoverd am email to the contray. How can I ever trust her when she can lie in the face of bieng caught.I am a child of an divorced faimly and never want to put my three year old daughter through that. she promises that this will never happen again, and ahe will get counciling,to make sure it doesnt but how will I ever know if I can trust her. This is why it took me so long to get married in the first place now my worst nightmare has come true. and I dont know what to do. She says that I am a great husband and doesnt understand why she did this to us, and its not my fault but is still feel worthless and like she couldnt of loved me that much if she would do this. I feel like I have to make a decision and am so confused someone help.
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you had to find us however you have found a safe place.
You found out 2 days ago? Damn you must be in a whirlwind of emotions right now. Have you been able to sleep...eat?
I take it the affair is over? Does she still work with the OM? She has to go no contact with him.
Obviously she is going to have to get to the bottom of why she strayed from the marriage. She needs to become an open book to you and answer any questions you have now and in the future.
<<<I feel like I have to make a decision >>>
No you don't, not yet anyways. Take all the time you need to digest this, let it sink in and then decide what you want to do.
There is a list of resources in the polices and announcements forum you might want to check out.
Read and learn all you can.
Hi Sorry that you had a need to find us. This is a safe place & there are many wonderful people who will listen & give you different ways to look at things.I jus found out in Sept. that my H had an A. Anyway, don't do anything right away. My emotions are just starting to calm down alittle & I have been dealing with this since Oct. 2004, when I first started gathering evidence.People that have A become very good at lying. Just look out for yourself!! I found that one of the best things to do is make a list of boundries & stick to them. For example, some of my boundries are: I must be able to check his e-mail or cell phone whenever I want.No contact with OW & no female friends.No lying & there are no second chances.I hope that you & your wife can work things out. Come talk to us whenever you need to!!!
Sorry you've had to join us. One excellent book out of the several I read back then was "After the Affair" by Janis Abrahams. I would highly suggest it. Barbarapat is right, there is no hurry to make a hasty decision. This is a long process regardless of whether or not you will stay with your spouse. Some do, some don't, but the majority of us at least tried fairly hard at it. It is pretty tough in the beginning. Try to focus on taking care of yourself. We often neglect ourselves and our children when we are so torn up - I know I did. Rest assured that it will begin to get better with time although it is like a roller coaster of emotions.
Welcome Joaquin, You have come to the right place if you are looking for help. Unfortunately nobody here has a quick remedy for your trauma. It takes time…. Lots of time… I have been married for six years and my H has cheated on since day one. In addition, he has struggle with pornography and chat rooms addiction. Sounds like a horrible man? We have separated four times and end up getting back together to this sick relationship. I have done everything I could possibly to make him change. And I have had no luck. At this moment we are separated. He left 11 days ago. I am hurting like a martyr. I want him back!!! Everyone in the forum must be thinking that I am crazy. And maybe I am, I am crazy in love. I am a Christian women and I have spend many our praying for my H. Not once I have prayed for me. But last night at 2am, after taking six sleeping pills and two shots of vodka and still not been able to fall asleep, I had an epiphany. I am as guilty as he is. Your W has committed A, and it hurts like no other pain, but the question is why did she do it? Is she a bad person? A bad mother? No my H is not a horrible man. He is just a man just like your W is just a W. Today I am going to try to find my H and find out why he has done these things. And I recommend that you find out what exactly is wrong in your marriage or with your W that makes her do this. Good luck and keep us informed.
Wow, only 2 days! I am so sorry for your pain but I am happy that you found this site so quickly. It took me months before I found this place and all of the wonderful people here. It is such a comfort to know that others feel the same way and have made it through this awful mess. Only others who have experienced the betrayal of infidelity, those who have been where you are now, know exactly what you are going through. We are here to offer you comfort, validation, support, and advice if we can. Post as often as you need to and dont be afraid to ask questions.
