I know some of you said that i should not confront the OW. Do you still think i shouldn't when this only happened once . My H did not know this woman (which makes it worse in my book),He was there to do work and she told him to come in and she was naked and went to him and grabed his crouch and started taking his pants off. She must be a real slut!What is so hard for me is why didn't he say NO!. instead he let her. That hurts me so much to know that he would with a nasty trashy slut.That he didn't even know!!!I just don't understand why..
He says how sorry he is and that he will make things right but how do i forget and trust him ever again
His job takes him into other peoples homes every day.So how can i ever be sure he won't do this again .
But back to my question do i confront her and tell her husband what she is doing ? If she did this with my H and didn't even know him , how many others have there been. I want her to suffer like i am. I am so up and down about this , i want to tell her H and hurt her but at the same time i am afraid to talk to her. What do i do????
My emotions are on such a rollercoaster right now. And if i do confront her how to i start??
thanks for being here.
Kathy

Kathy

Some here will think your wasting your time but honestly it seems that this is seriously bugging you and your really want to check your H's story out. I did call the OW's H after I found out and I'll never be sorry that I did. I think he had the right to know. In some respects I also wanted her to be accountable to her H and in some respects I wanted to hurt her although that wasn't my "main" motivation. I never called her, only her H. I told him that I was very sorry to have to give him this news because no on deserved to go through this and then proceeded to tell him. His W (OW) decided to call me to "thank" me for telling her H, that was somewhat humorous.

One thing I would highly caution should you decide to call her. Don't make yourself look worse by swearing and cussing at her. If you really want a good effect, be nice, as hard as that is. This will show her that you ARE the better person in all of this. She won't have any reason to hate you because she'll know she did something wrong and you are handling it like an adult. You may actually get more truth and remorse from her (at least I think so) if you tell her what your H told you that she did. I myself am not sure I would believe all of what your H is telling you. Very few of us get the whole truth in the beginning.

I am not recommending that you call anyone. This is your decision. Some people here regret calling and talking to the OW/OM or their spouse and some don't. I am glad I talked to her H, he told me a lot of interesting things. I'm sure she could have given a few more details if she had known the bad things my H (at the time) was saying about her. That would have been up to me to assess if there could have been any truth in what she was saying or not but I didn't speak much to her when she called me. They end up being real good liars after an A because they have to be to hide it so well. I think my talking to her husband gave some info but I also think she was still lying to him as well.

Charlie

Howdy Kathy,

My two cents for what its worth.

Do you believe him? If you believe a complete stranger basically took advantage of your H and he was powerless to stop it, then no don't confront. The problem is with your H and that's where your focus should be. To me it sounds as if he has a problem with boundries and impulse control at least in that moment of time if his story is truthful.

If you believe you aren't getting the complete truth then well...the probelm is still with your H but I understand the need to "verify". But are you sure the OW is the one to help you with that?

What is your gut telling you? Do you believe him or not?

Can I ask how you found out about it?

Regards,

Tex

Kathy,

In the aftermath of infidelity, most (if not all) WS's don't tell the truth about 'what happened'.  I have to be honest with you....your H's story sounds more like a story right out of Playboy magazine.  It seems a bit far-fetched to imagine a woman answering the door to a stranger - in the nude.

Word of caution - if you believe that your H is telling you the truth (and you decide to confront OW)....you may hear a very different story about 'what happened'.  Are you prepared for that?  Before you decide to tell OW's H anything...I would ask your H a few more questions to give him the opportunity to clean up his story.  If your H sticks by his story, I would consider contacting OW's H - but I would not confront OW.

Good luck

Kara

I guess i made it sound like he just knocked on the door and there she was naked which he says is what happened, but they had seen each other before in the busness where he works to set the work up that was suppose to be done. So he had talked to her 2 times before he went over there to do the work and she told him that she had seen him around. Whatever that means. Maybe that makes it sound alittle more not so out of Playboy, but again i can only go on what he wants me to believe. Yes i want to believe him ,that is the only time and that is is truly sorry. BUT??? Who knows.
To answer the question about who told me , he did. He said he felt so guilty that he had to tell me. But it still took him 6 months to tell me.He is not an emotional person and he cryed for 2 weeks and at times he said he thought about driving in front of a semi truck , i guess he thought that would be easier than telling me. but he did. Why so long i don' t know.
I just wish i could wake up from this nightmare.
Thanks for listening to me. It helps to here others and to get advice from somone who has been in my shoes
THANKS!

Kathy,

Here is just my opinion, take it for what it is worth. If it will help YOU, then talk to the OW H. My opinion is not even to bother with the OW. Giving her any form of acknowledgement is letting her know that she got to you. She has the ability to make an impact on you. You are letting her. Take her out of the equation totally. Talking to the OW H is indirectly sending a missle at her, yes, but in a different way. The OW in my case can just sit and wonder what is going on here. After I found out about my H, I called the OW and left nasty messages at work and on her cell phone. I regret doing that. It was out of sheer anger and shock. However, I could not resist. In her message, she wanted her voice to be the first voice that my H heard every day. Well, I called on his phone and explained that I was sorry to ruin her day, but the first voice that she was hearing was mine, and the gig was up. Could I have persued it and met her at work? Yes. Could I have continued to call her to get her side of the story? Yes. But what did I care? The damage was done. In talking to her directly, it in my eyes made be the fool. She shared in something that was meant for me only. It would only hurt me more, and validate their relationship more. Why would I do that? Did I call the OW H? No. She claimed per my H she would tell him. Whether she did or not, I don't really give a damn. That B..ch sent us a Christmas card, I burnt it. I could have sent it back, but why..that would let her know that she still is getting to me (which yes, unfortunately I do allow her to get to me, till I come to my senses and purge her from my system). My MC said to let her just wonder and stew. That is what I went with....

Just my opinion, you have to follow what YOU think is right for you. Take care Jess

You don't have to confront her.

You could slip him the information (the poor guy) without disclosing who you are.

I hope he doesn't get AIDS.