What do you do if your husband had a one night stand and got a std??? This was the only time he was with this piece of trash and he got a std so of course he had to tell me about the incident.He feels so guilty and embarrssed, rightfully so.He says he was going to tell me about it anyway because he felt so guilty , RIGHT, I really fell he would not have told me about this if he didn't get a std from her.
We are trying to save our marriage but how do you get over your H being with someone else ,even if it was just once, and also get over him getting a std from it.
The std has really complicated everything. I have been tested and i am fine, thank God! He got gential warts from her. Does anyone know anything about this?He has been going to the Doctor , they were removed about 2 months ago and haven't returned. We are seeing a MC by his request and he cries the whole time we are there, because he is so embarrassed and for hurting me the way he has. What do i do? Can i get over this??
Amy

Amy,

It's pretty hard to get over and you'll never forget it. I imagine he isn't going to either.

On the STD front, look that up online. That's one of the more disgusting aspects of affairs. It does bring the truth out of hiding though.

Howdy Amy,

Welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us.

Here's a website that might help ( there is a ton of info on the net).

http://www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/stdhpv.htm

Regards,

Tex

Hi Amy,

I am so sorry you are going thru this but you are doing all the right things.

The best thing is your H is seeking help to try and find out what was going on in his mind when he crossed the line. Amy you have to believe this was not about you...it was all about him...

Yes you can get past the A and have a happy marriage. you will always remember the A but as you move forward and your H is being faithful you will see it as a dull ache...you know it happened and are past all the hurt.

How do you get over it ? Do you love your H? he made a terrible decision, he is suffering...does he deserve a second chance...that is up to you...this is your decision...your choice...

I have made the decision twice...first time 22 yrs ago H blamed me for all his ONS's and PA...I bought into that ...I was responsible for half of the problems...so I stayed..no MC...3yrs ago more ONS's and a yr. long A...I stayed this time because H asked for MC we are still in MC ,and doing well...but i realized that H has self esteem issues and addictive behavior issues and so we stayed together and are working on our problems and put our life back together..
I know this man...he is a good, kind person...he treats me well...better than well NOW lol...I love him...but he also knows that if he crosses the line again there is no staying this time...difference now is I am not going to let him walk over me as he did 22 yrs ago.

there are a few here who are still together,
Kats, H2O, Anthony, Kara, GT on the open board, Cory..and a few others who are working on their marriages.

Pat

Yes, you can and you will get over this. Will you stay married? That is your choice. Is it a curable STD? If it is, I would gladly take that over 2 OC by the OW and a nutcase of an OW who doesn't know her proper place and has delusions that since she got pregnant it gives her a right to interfere in my H's life.

Anytime you are feeling like you can't get through it just read my story. I don't mean to minimize your hurt because it is there, it is real, just as real as mine, and the actual details of the A really don't matter. You were betrayed. It cuts to the very core of your being, everything you believe in, it doesn't matter how strong of a woman you were before, having the rug pulled out from you is an understatement.

But it is not the end of the world. Establish boundaries and work through this the best you know how. You have to forgive, for your own sake. Forgiveness doesn't excuse it or make it right,it just frees you from bitterness.

It is a plus++++++ that your H is wanting counseling. You have to recognize there is a problem before you can ever expect to fix it. You are way ahead in recovery in my opinion with a spouse showing remorse and regret and seeking counseling.

The A had nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for the actions of 2 SELFISH people. Hopefully your H can find out what personal issues within himself causing him to make such a foolish and selfish choice and he can see the pain he has caused and will never do it again.

Take care of yourself and your children if you have any. It has been almost 6 months for me and it is different. I don't know if it is better but it is different. I am still watching to see if there is a true change in my H. He has changed in some areas and not in others. I am getting closer to identifying all the things I will require in order to remain in my marriage. Take it day by day for now. That is all you can do. The OW is nothing and has nothing to do with your M. Your H needs to get some help to address his problem and it looks like he has already started.

Look at the STD as a blessing and I know what you mean he may have never told if it wasn't for the STD. I believe the same about my H, if it weren't for the birth of 2 OC, they would have lied all the way to the grave. They were actually going to take the existence of the 2 OC all the way to the grave.

"I really fell he would not have told me about this if he didn't get a std from her"

Amy

My sister's H got an std, gave it to her, and still denied having an A. A few years later she found out he had had multiple A's and he said he told her so he could come clean and stop his behavior. They have built a better marriage it seems.

By all means, trust your instincts, they are often right.

Sorry you find yourself here, it is a very painful but things will get better with time.

Charlie

Hmmm well I would be one of those bs's that got an incurable std from my ex husband. I heard that line too "well it didn't come from her"..........okay.....yep must have been the tooth fairy left it for me in my sleep! Give me a break....stupid things WS's say. Mine likely still hasn't figured out the truth 3 years later.

The best one I heard was "it must have been her husband, he cheats"..........I said yeah and so do you so I guess that makes you both equally assholes.

It is one thing to have an affair and get through that, it is a completely different story to have to deal with an std on top of it. It can be done, but it is so tough.

I hated him for so long for giving me the std Then I started to learn more information about it and discovered it isn't the end of the world even if it feels like it.

I am so sorry sweetie ........ hugs and take care

Kid