It’s been around 2 months since D-day and even though I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, I always thought I was committed to working on our marriage. He has been very remorseful and constantly reassures me. He takes full responsibility for what he has done. We are both in IC as well as MC. I can honestly say that our communication has never been better and I see that the marriage I wanted is possible.

OK – Today is our daughter’s 10th birthday. Along with all the beautiful memories, I am now reminded that she was 6 when his A started as well as the fact that last year, he spent the night before her birthday with the OW. Today has been very depressing at best. My self-esteem is extremely low.

This morning I checked out the “Divorce” portion of the web site and read a thread about how to choose an Attorney. As I was reading it, I realized that I actually felt stronger. I don’t know if it’s because I’m emotional because of what day it is, or maybe deep down I really want a Divorce and aren’t ready to admit it yet, or even more frightening to think about - because I’m afraid of having a “good” marriage. Like I said, he has been very supportive – do I not think I deserve that? Have I sunk that low? Why do I pull back now when he is giving me what I’ve always wanted?

I will pull it together before she gets home from school. I refuse to let anything ruin today for her.

My question is this. Is it “normal” to still flip-flop at this stage?

Diane

Diane... First, yes, it IS normal to flip flop for at least a couple of years. That's why it's called the roller coaster, babeee...

On the Attorney thing... Could it also be that you felt stronger after reading that thread because you may have realized that IF it comes to that, you won't have to go through it alone and will have resources to draw on?

I know someone who went nowhere in his recovery until he had already met with a lawyer and had the divorce papers all drawn up and ready to be signed. That gave him the feeling of security to aggressively go after the recovery of his marriage.

Just tossing out thoughts,
Cory
PS: His marriage IS still intact and doing well.

You are not a human being having a spiritual experience, but a spiritual being having a human experience.

Hi Diane - I think we're at the same stage - thanks for your words of comfort on my post. Cory, that was an excellent and reassuring post. Thank you.

I do completely understand your pain! I just went through our pictures from Halloween through Thanksgiving and felt TERRIBLE because H was with OW during those times. Total tail spin.

You've not 'sunk so low". Drop that thinking immediately Lady! You've been through it and it is a BAD situation. I think it's perfectly natural to allow yourself to entertain all options. AND part of the healing process. We can't be afraid to look around and evaluate. I've been feeling the same way. I've got a 4 year old so I can relate to protecting your child. Congratulations on being a thoughtful and responsible mother. Very admirable to put your daughter's well being first - even while you are so hurt.

Cory has good words of wisdom. I'll bet you get plenty more from people who are further along in the process.

Hang in and try to be as gentle on yourself as you would be with your daughter..

Hugs..

On the run
No, staying put
Pretty happy
No, horribly sad
Looking hopefully to the future...