Hope this helps EvaFaye.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=24site
From a person named nytepassion from the sober recovery web site:
Alcoholics and addicts always require more, more, more of everything that makes em' feel good ... even relationship wise (more of us ... less of themselves) more, more ... more us, less, lesser of them .. and this goes on and on and oneday we find ourselves wondering what the hell happened (we've given so much of ourselves over to our alcoholic loved one) that we have nothing left, but a memory of what we once were and the reality of what we've become is devastating ... We've consistantly weakened and yeilded living our lives for and around the alcoholic, his/her alcoholicism and the behavior thereof for so long, being caught up in trying to change the alcoholic, save the alcoholic, rescue the alcoholic, sacraficing ourselves for the alcoholic ... the alcoholic, the Alcoholic, the AlCoHoLiC... morning, noon and night .. day in day out it spent all around and being all about the ALCOHOLIC and what he/she is or isn't doing or what she/he has or hasn't done, what they said or didn't say, whether they used or didn't use ... that by the time we actually plop down from sheer exhaustion and try to take a moment to breath or to think ... We are devastated at what not only what our lives have become, but more so what we've become in the process of trying to keep our alcoholic loved one away from and off of booze ...
and then we begin the journey into trying to understand what the hell has and is happening to your life ... then to top things off you find that in order to make things better for you and for the ALCOHOLIC you have to let go and Let God ... then the fear sets in, "But what if" what if I let go and he/she gets hurt, or something bad happens or worse (our biggest fear)she/he ends up dead ... So we try to hold on only to find we've been holding our alcoholic loved one up and keeping their feet from touching the ground ... in other words (holding up the alcoholic out of fear they will get hurt ... instead of letting go and letting them fall and realizing that the pain from the fall is just what the doctor ordered) Pain can be beneficial .. It can be a motivator, it can be a constant reminder that things need change in theirs and our lives ...
If you find yourself sitting there reading this and you are in pain because of and over your alcoholic loved one ... let that pain motivate you to seek out your recovery, your healing ...
You are not responsible to make it all better for your alcoholic loved one ... They are responsible for their own lives and how they live it ... and if drugs are chosen over all else then the pain, suffering, and consequences that ultimately come with the territory of being a alcoholic belong to the alcoholic and not the loved one of the alcoholic ...
The very pain, consequences, trouble that you are trying to keep from happening to your alcoholic loved one ... Just might be the very thing that would bring them to rock bottom ... Get out of the way and Let the process begin
The longer you fight it ... the harder you make your own life ...
Besides you can't get around, over or under it ... You're going to have to walk through it to get to the otherside ...
It is usually because we are (or we think we are) at our wits end when we begin to look for answers to help us understand ... we read books, talk to counselors, search the net for answers ... some end up here ... searching, asking questions, trying to understand and make some kind of sense out of their lives ... You read, and read and read, step out and post, read replies, reply yourself and the others that have been down the path before you reach out to try to help you ... to try to take your hand and led you out, but are usually met with resistance, unsurity (should I stay or should I go) What will happen to the alcoholic in my life if I let go to find myself ... Will they lose themselves in booze completely ... so you stay behind because your not quite ready to recovery yourself ... You still feel the need to watch over your alcoholic ... You watch and watch as things decline as they decline and you fight, argue, yell, cry, beg, plead, rationalize, try logic .. only to find you've been beating your head against a brick wall and now to top things off you've busted open your head and not only is your head bleeding, but so is your heart ... Bleeding and crying out Please God, Make this all stop ... (gotta get out of the way so he can reach your alcoholic)
This site is an information booth ... You come in all beat up, weathered from the storm ... you ask for directions ... and are given them, but they are no good UNLESS you follow them ... it takes courage, trust, faith, strength and a real desire to change NOT THE alcoholic, but yourself ...
The alcoholic is going to do what the alcoholic does NO MATTER what you do ... and if you're living paralized waiting for the alcoholic to change before you can go on with your life .. then you could be waiting a long, long time .. You think you're exhausted now ... it doesn't get any better till you get better ...
The best gift you can give yourself and your alcoholic loved one is YOUR OWN RECOVERY ... they can't do it for you ... you can't do it for them ... but each can do it for themselves ... and I can say this .. It is easier for the alcoholic to out run you ... so if you plan on tryin to keep up you better get ready to be put through more hell then you've ever know before ...
It stops when you stop it ...
<<<If you find yourself sitting there reading this and you are in pain because of and over your alcoholic loved one ... let that pain motivate you to seek out your recovery, your healing ...>>>
One of the best quotes I've ever read because it fits regardless of the situation.
Regards,
Tex
