My H went to a motorcycle rally last February. One night at a bar he met this woman and talked with her and her friends and agreed to take her riding on his motorcycle the next day. The next day he called me early in the morning and him and his buddies went to meet this woman.

Two months later when we were at another rally his friend used his cell phone. The friend made the comment that he had 8 messages. My husband did not know how to answer the messages as he had not had a phone that long. He said he did not have voice mail and I informed him he did while offering to set up his account and show him how to use it. He refused. He answered the messages and I could hear a very loud person speaking.

Come to find out, he had called this woman 2 minutes before he called me when he was at the motorcycle rally. She had a different area code and he was not able to complete the call. He went back to the bar where they were suppose to meet and found out the area code and called her. She showed up at the bar, he saw her and said the attraction wasn't there and left and turned off his cell phone. (This is his story) That he never talked to her again and nothing happened.

This felt like a concrete block had been dropped on my chest. My Husband of 30 years did this to me. I told him he may as well have gone with her because it was the same to me. I felt betrayed. He did admit to walking with her to the car the night before and kissing her. He also said that she had made him feel still attractive to other women and he did hope that they might have sex.

I have had a hard time dealing with this. I even called the OW and she told me the same thing he had that she called him but never saw him again. I have gone through all the emotions people on this site have described but he never really have a physical affair. Does that make sense?

Sounds like it to me. I think anything you wouldn't do in front of your spouse is pretty much in the same category as an affair. At least an emotional affair. You will get a lot of good support and info here. It has really helped me.

I am sorry for your pain.

If it feels like an affair to you, than you need to deal with it as if it was (or is). It is a betrayal. If he kissed her, it is a betrayal. He crossed over the physical line, and it doesn't really matter how far he went, it is a betrayal.

This is a very supportive place. Please continue to post. It will make you feel better.

My thoughts are with you in your healing and recovery.

Jay

To me kissing and desiring sex and the need to feel desired by someone other than your spouse is cheating. These feelings that your H described and the all the trouble he went through to meet up with this woman are all red flags.  The fact that he wouldnt let you see his cell phone is a huge red flag.  Why did your H suddenly need a cell phone? My H never needed one until he met some woman and he wanted to keep the continued relationship (affair) a secret. Just sounds to me there is more to his story.

We all know what goes on at those rallies...in addition to checking out the motorcycles the main attraction is checking out the women and we all know it.  There's a lot of drinking, drugs, flirting, wet t-shirt contests, topless bars, and there are plenty of loose women and testosterone.  A toxic mix! Not exactly some place you go without your spouse unless you want to act like you're single.  Im not saying everyone who goes there without their spouse cheats, but temptation is everywhere. 

I am sorry for your pain ((((hugs))))....Carol~

. 

I think it's human for people to feel attraction to others, other than their spouse once and awhile. However I do not think these feelings should ever be acted on. Because these feelings are not love, but only hormons that we all have.
I think your H has crossed over the line because he kissed her.........
I also think that it is a good thing, and you should give him credit for realizing what was happening, what was at risk and not going further. I also believe that men find it irrestistable when a woman (good looking hot woman) places her ass in their face! There are such things as home wreckers out there! They are evil and sick men and women who go after married people because they don't have to risk true intimacy......
I'm sorry, I know how hurtful it is...... But please look on the bright side of it. He didn't go further with it because he realized he loves you and didn't want to risk that. Wish I could say the same about my ex- boyfriend who has now went back to his ex! who when the going got tough in his life left him high and dry. He left me for her, me who loved him with all my heart! Me who loved him unconditioaly, loved him even though he had nothing!!! Just don't get me going!!!!!!!!!!! lol
You have a lot of caring to rebuild your marriage with. So please focus on that.....
Thats all, Glenda

Thank you so much for your response to my post. I am very thankful that he did realize that what he was going to do was a mistake. We are trying to work this out. I have set down many rules for him if he wishes to stay in my life and he has abided by them. I am trying to give him the things that I felt were my fault in the whole thing and our life is improving. I know that I have to take some responsibility in this. I was too wrapped up in other things to realize I was depriving him of what he needed. The one thing that I can't understand is his friends that were with him continue to say he didn't do anything. He knows he did and that is what matters. Please let me thank you for your love and concern you have given me.