MY BIGGEST PROBLEM IS MY MIND. MY ANGER HAS TURNED INTO DEPRESSION AND I BELIEVE THAT I CAN FIND FORGIVENESS FOR WHAT MY HUSBAND HAS DONE TO ME BUT IT HAS BEEN THE MOST HORRENDOUS EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE SO FAR. AFTER 25 YEARS OF MARRIAGE TO BE BETRAYED LIKE THIS IS SO HARD TO DEAL WITH. I AM ACTUALLY GLAD THIS HAPPENED AT 52 YEARS OLD BECAUSE I WOULD HATE TO HAVE LIVED WITH THIS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. IT FEELS LIKE I MAY NEVER GET OVER IT. THE AFFAIR STARTED 2 YEARS AGO AND FOR A YEAR HE TOTALLY LED ME ON TO KEEP ME HANGING ON AND NOW THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION AND THE DIVORCE IS AlMOST FINALIZED. I CALLED HIM THIS MORN TO ASK ABOUT TAXES AND HE CALLED ME SWEETHEART WHICH TO ME IS SO INAPPROPRIATE. I CANT SEEM TO CLEAR MY MIND OF HIM. I TRY TO FIGURE OUT HIS MIND AND MY MIND GOES ON AND ON TRYING TO FIGURE OUT REASONS FOR THE CRAZINESS. I AM INVOLVED IN A RECOVERY PROGRAM FOR CODEPENDENCY AND I AM GOING TO WORK A 4TH STEP AGAIN BECAUSE I AM REALLY NEEDING SOME HELP WITH MY PAIN AND INABILITY TO FORGIVE AND I REALLY AM ONLY HURTING MYSELF. IF ANYBODY HAS ANY IDEAS FOR THE RUMINATING AND THINKING ABOUT ALL THE GARBAGE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I WORK IN A HOSPITAL AND I HAVE TO RUB SHOULDERS WITH THE OTHER WOMANS SISTER ALL DAY AND I AM HAVING TROUBLE EVEN MAKING EYE CONTACT BECAUSE I FEEL SUCH HATE TOWARDS EVEN HER SISTER. I WANT TO JUST PULL HER SISTER ASIDE AND JUST TELL HER EXACTLY HOW THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN FOR ME, LET HER KNOW THAT CHEATERS NEVER WIN, AND THAT I HOPE HER SISTER HAS A CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE THE PAIN SHE HAS CAUSED IN MY LIFE BUT I KNOW IT WOULD ACCOMPLISH NOTHING AND I ALSO KNOW THAT IT IS MY HUSBANDS FAULT AS MUCH AS HERS. THANKS FOR LISTENING. EVAFAYE

I can feel your pain in your words, evafaye, I wish I had a magic wand...

Ruminating - the only way I felt some relief from being caught into a never ending loop is to ask for help from the medical corps. In other word, I asked to be put on meds... and it worked - for me (it was not in the SSRI family but from the 'older' one).

You have a pretty good insight into what is going on with you and this is half of the battle won. I would suggest not to 'force' forgiveness... it will come in time...time: the most 'dreaded' 4-letter word in our healing vocabulary.

Keep posting, keep talking with us.

Wishing you peace.

And as you walk you make your path Kat

I am so sorry for your pain! I wish i had words of wisdom for you,but i am dealing with somewhat the same thing. My H and i have been married 26 years this April. He started an A during our 25 year.It wasn't for love or emotional feelings , sex only!! But that doesn't matter cheating is cheating!!And the Pain is the same!!
I guess you and your H are not trying to work things out. Was that your decision? Did you all ever go to a MC?
We are trying to work our marriage out and it is very hard at times. It is hard to rebuild the trust you once had with someone.But i don't want to throw away 26 years. But if my H can't help me heal and to give me reasons for why he crossed that line then i'm not sure what will happen. Time will tell!.I know how it feels to hate the OW , i have wanted to tell her H, but i haven't yet, not sure why.But yet i want her to feel the same pain i have felt.A person like her may not feel any pain though!
There are so many wise people on here that will give you great advice. I have become very dependent on them.

EvaFaye

This has nothing to do with your post or its content. I just wanted to respond to my challenge with reading a post that is in all caps. I'm not sure why, maybe I have some sort of disability, but I have a hard time reading one that has all caps.

I'm not trying to give a hard time, I'm glad your posting here, but just wanted you to know that you may get more responses if you post without using all caps. Ah, who knows, maybe it is just me. Sometimes I avoid reading one's like that because it is hard for me to read.

I just thought I'd let you know. Maybe not everyone has problems with this like I do.

Charlie