OK...so my husband has really had a "come to jesus" in the last week about his EA and on-line activities. He has been very supportive and taking responsibility. He wrote me a letter of apology and has been in the game.
He comes home from school last night and tells me he saw the OW. She stopped to talk to him and he said he didn't have time and kept walking. I do believe this. When he told me he offered this information unsolicited and kind of hesitated to tell me. I actually felt comfort that he was so forthcoming.
So, last night he gets home and as he's changing out of his clothes for the day there is a scratch on his back. A pretty big one. I can honestly say my jaw dropped.
Now, here's the deal: I do believe he was not physically involved with anyone as part of his betrayal. I have no reason to believe this, no evidence, no hunches. Also, yesterday I spoke with him freely, except for when he was in class from 6 to 9. Yet, I'm freaking out.
When I told him about the scratch I saw the look in his eyes and he said that he understood how I could think that, but no way did that happen.
So, am I freaking out because I have no trust, or because I do not trust myself and my instincts? I didn't accuse him or slam him, but I told him that I was very confused and having a difficult time with it. He has been assuring me nothing happened and he understands why I am worried.
I "believe him" but I don't know if I do.
This message has been edited by mja55428 on May 2, 2006 12:08 PM This message has been edited by mja55428 on May 2, 2006 12:06 PM
I think it would be helpful for him to offer up where the scratch came from. You are going to have to be open and honest through the reconciliation process. If there's anything that you need clarification on he should be forthright in giving that info to you. Always trust your instincts and ask a lot of questions.
As stated, follow your instincts. Have you ever gotten a noticable scratch (that probably hurt at the time) and couldn't recall where it may have come from. Especially a scratch on a person who works indoors, not like a construction worker who is subject to get scratches all the time.
I was reading on the dearpeggy website just today and read that this is what they say is the biggest sign if you are repeatedly discounting clues of an affair and trying to convince yourself that YOUR partner wouldn't have an affair, this may be the biggest clue of all. I like to think if one of my friends came to me and told me this story about his wife would I think that he should believe her or not, only you know him but something is not adding up.
I can't trust my instincts. He does do "racking and stacking" of gear and sometimes wiring, so he does have a physical job. My gut actually says it's nothing, but my head says 'why now?'. I have for sure told him how I feel and he says that it makes total sense to him why I wouldn't believe him and he just keeps calling to say everything is ok.
So, part of me is ok and then I panick underneath. It's not even the scratch in some ways...it's the lack of confidence in knowing.
My humble advice is never blindly trust again. I can never allow myself to really trust my H again. That is the sad fact of all this A mess & what my H caused. He lied to my face 4 or 5 times a day for over a year.He was the one person that I thought was honest & I found out the hard way that I was wrong. Just be careful & don't feel guilty for questioning him whenever you need to. ake care.
