I have learned just as much (if not more) about myself through all of this as I have learned about my WS. I have been to Hell and back and yet I stand here a stronger person, more determined to survive whatever challenges lay ahead in my life. Healing is a journey and a process that helps us grow as a person. The most painful process I have ever experienced...but I will survive whether I stay or whether I tell him to go. It is all about what I can and cannot accept, not what my WS says or does. I cannot make my H do anything. But I can change how I react to him and I am doing so slowly (slow & steady). The choice is mine and mine alone. If my H is not remorseful (or only sortof) and not willing to show up in this marriage, I either have to accept it and just go on with living that life...or stand up and say I am worth more than that and I choose me! I choose to do what is right for me. He chose an A, and in doing so, chose someone over me. So I choose me! I choose me over him. I am going to continue on my path (although I do stray from it from time to time) and take care of myself and do what is right for me...no matter what H says or does, or what anyone else thinks 
OK ...my self-inflicted pep talk is over, lol....Carol~
