My H left early yesterday morning. He was off work and told me he was coming right back. Well I wasn't feeling very well and I thought he would at least be considerate of that fact, but he wasn't. He didn't come home until 5am this morning, and then he had the audacity to set the clock for 7:30, so he could play b-ball this morning. I'm kinda at my wits end and I'm trying to make it work, but I'm getting tired of doing that too. He has been unfaithful so many times in the past and I only had the courage to leave him once. After I had been gone, he called me back home and I came foolishly. Things have not changed. I am reading a book about surviving marital infidelity and one of the chapters said I need to reach out. So that's why I'm here today. I feel like I've been enabling him to do this to me because I haven't stood up for myself. It's just when I do, he oversteps my boundaries anyway. I guess I'm just trying to learn how to detach emotionally and put my energies into raising my children and taking care of myself, even if I have to do it without him. The problem is, I don't know how to do this, or where to start.

Schella-

I recommend looking deep into yourself and asking "what does Schella deserve?"

Do you respect yourself enough to feel that you deserve a husband that respects you?

Do you deserve a marriage that has open honest communication at its core?

Do your children deserve a father that has enough integrity that he puts their future first?

Search yourself to find the answers. And then confront your H.

Best wishes and peace.

TLMM

Howdy Schella,

Welcome to the club nobody wanted to join. We hear you and we understand.

Where to start...I guess let's start at the basics.

Boundries...boundries only work when there are consequences for breaking them. I don't need to tell you from what you've written, there have been none. Can you tell us why they haven't been enforced?

I will guess if I ask why you are staying with him after multiple betrayals you will say "I love him", correct? Schella, you've got to love yourself more. You've got to respect yourself and KNOW you deserve better than this. I would venture a guess that he's treating you this way because you allow it. We teach people how to treat us. He might say he loves you but his actions are anything but loving towards you. In fact they are cruel, selfish, juvenile...you name it.

Dig deep now and ask yourself the tough questions and answer then honestly. Are you scared to be without him? Do you think you'll never find anyone else? etc etc etc.

Check out the RESOURCES link at the top of the homepage. There's alot of good info in there. You might wanna read "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson.

Now...what is he telling you? What is his excuse for cheating and lying over and over and over?

What would you tell a friend, a sister, your daughter...if they were married to your H?

You are stronger than you know...you just need to find it and let it loose. He has no right to treat you this way and Schella...the question still remains why are you letting him? Focus on you, not him.

I'm glad you reached out. That was a huge step.

Once again...welcome aboard.

Regards,

Tex

Welcome.  We're glad you found us.  I remember being so grateful once I found a place to let it all out and find support.

And you will find a lot of support here.  Keep posting, learning, and growing stronger.  You will find your way through this.

Jean