I had a hard weekend, not even trusting her to go an post something in the letter box. Especially as OM lives just round the corner. Even though it shouldn't really matter as I already know whats going on.
I'm going to try and confront them tomorrow, I know where they are going to be. They are going for a meal then bowling. I'm not sure if being in a public place is going to help or not. I hopefully can catch them kissing, then I don't have to use the print out of there msn cono. I just hope that I can be strong enough to go through with it and to keep clarm and firm.
It's probably not the right time to do it as we are both going away with her school the day after for 3 days, so we wont have much time to talk, but I suppose we'll have time to think.
Sorry you are going through all this. I am not sure what you mean by 'print out of there msn cono." Greek to me. But I do get the picture that your W is having an A with a man you both know and you will be confronting her about it for the first time tomorrow. Myself, I would pick a more private place, but you should do what you feel is best for you. I will hold you in my prayers and good luck. I will be traveling tomorrow and won't check in til evening. If you are up for chat tomorrow evening 7 central time. I will try to be there then.
Take Care and Good luck!!!
jbean
ps sounds like there will be some real fireworks on the 4th of July! Not sure if you are even from this country, but just a side note. I hope it was not too distasteful.
This message has been edited by jbean on Jul 3, 2006 8:10 AM
Sorry didn't really read through the post properly did I. See my previous thread 'What to do' for more info.
I've got a print out of an msn conversation between the two of them as proof. I don't really want to use it as it is a invasion of her privcy, as it will affect us more afterwards if she knew that I've been reading them. So I need to go somewhere where she has told me rather then reading it. Which happens to be a public place.
John.
p.s. I'm not from the US so there will only be fireworks around me!
John you said, "I don't really want to use it as it is a invasion of her privcy, as it will affect us more afterwards if she knew that I've been reading them."
I think you will find that most here really don't understand this "invasion of her privacy thing". Most here, I think, feel that married people aren't supposed to have secrets from each other, especially secrets of infidelity. Where do these values come from? Is this an English cultural thing? It seems you have as much fear about being accused of "invading her privacy" as you do of finding out the details about what is going on with them. Who has brain washed you about the privacy thing?
You should know that you have already experienced d-day. You just don't have all the details yet. D-day was when you first discovered that your wife was being unfaithful, no matter how you found out. With that in mind it is time for you to stand up for your own self respect, her privacy be damned. Your wife has screwed up by stepping outside the marriage. She is going to be defensive for a while after you confront her. She is going to throw all sorts of bullshit excuses at you and especaily blaming you. That's very typical in the beginning so prepare yourself for the avalanch of bullshit. Invading her privacy is just one of the things that she is going to complain about. Screw her privacy, she is married to you and she is supposed to be honest and loyal to you. People who get married are supposed to realize that they are giving up their privacy to share their lives with the one that they love. Remaining faithful, treating you partner with respect and being open about your life with your partner is part of that love. Is you wife doing any of these things, John?
Focus on this one thing, John. The issue IS that she is screwing around with another man when she is married to you. The issue IS NOT that you found her msn message. It doesn't matter if you found it by accident or if you went looking for the message on purpose or even if you hired someone to find it for you. You have a right to know what the hell your wife is doing with her free time. It is not an ivasion of her privacy when the person wanting to know is you, the husband.
You are not going to be able to wake her up and pull her out of this if you are convinced that you are doing something wrong by wanting to know the truth. Where does this line of thinking come from, John? Please help me understand.
I know I'd already had D-day but couldn't think what else to call it. I suppose confrontation day would be correct.
On the privacy think it's come from more the privacy of her friends whom some have had issues when they younger etc and it's steamed from there, which as I know some of them it would be right for them to be private. She has always told me off when she things I'm looking at her screen. I know that she hasn't had secrets (apart from birthday surprises for me etc) and no A up till now that is. Also if they know that I've had access to there messages then they may try and stop me from accessing them. I know that I had the right to know the truth, I just know how she is going to react and I don't want to damage our relationship any more then I have to.
John, I agree with your sense of keeping the source of your information to yourself. After you "bust" (confront) them, it may be wise to be able to monitor your wife's secret behavior.
