Ive only been married for a year actually not even our aniversery is the 30th of this month and July 2nd I came home from a trip early to find my h in bed with a butt naked blonde. Im torn to pieces but already know that i want to make things work and he has begged me to stay. The blonde was a one time thing according to both of them. My h has a problem with alcohol and he believes it was a contributing factor to the deceit. He has not touched a drop of alcohol since. That was one of my stipulations to even try. Im just soo crushed I dont know what to do or say. He seems genuine when we talk. He does have a serious past history of being a "cheater" which makes me very nervous. I have a counseling session booked but they couldnt get me in as soon as i needed to talk. Please any advice would be appreceiated and respected
thank you

First let me say I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is a betrayal of the worst kind and your H will never know the pain he has caused you. This is a great site with many wonderful people. Their insight has helped considerable and it's good to know that you are not alone or going crazy.

Wether you get a divorce or try to save your marriage, it is a very hard, rockey road. It takes a lot of Time before you even begin to get over it & trust again.

I think the main thing you need to get to the bottom of, is why it happened. There must be something other than alcohol that caused him to stray. The alcohol just numbed him enough to allow himself to do it.

Are you both going to the C or just you? Couples C may help get to the underlining problem.

Please know that this isn't a reflection on you. I know when I first found out about my H A, I thought I must not have been enough. Then after reading up on the subject, I found that in most cases it really had nothing to do with the wife. Most H's that stray, love their Wives. It is some sort of need within themselves.

Stay strong and post here when you need to.

Sherrie

(edited for spelling error)

Andria,

I have read many stories that start like yours: early in marriage one partner cheats and the other is desperate to keep things together. Or, one partner is a closet alcoholic or addict and cheats and the other is convinced that there will be change.

Most of those stories don't end well for the desperate partner.

I would urge you to take your time and consider strongly whether this is the man you want to have a family and a long-term life together with. Alcoholics need treatment and/or a program to cope with their addiction, and the recurrence rate is still high. A good counselor will help you, and perhaps a temporary separation would help too.

Good luck. You've come to a place where people understand your situation. But we are likely to challenge you a little, too. Be ready for that.

Chris.

Hello and Welcome,

I am sorry that you are going through this pain.  You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I will not lie, staying in a marriage after infidelity is extremely difficult and pianful and when other addictions are involved it is even harder.

You have done the right thing by seeking counselling. It doesnt always help though, so be warned.  Things will get better but the WS must look deep inside of themselves and figure out why they cheat and why (in your H's case) they drink.  He obviously has some issues of his own that has nothing to do with the marriage itself and do not take the blame for that.  Many WS's say they are remorseful and beg for a second chance, but the fact that he has a history of cheating and alcoholism is not good, and sounds like this pattern will repeat if he does not do the work necessary to resolve his own issues.  Many times it is best that each of you go to individual counselling before marriage counselling or in conjuction with the other.

Come back often and ask questions or just vent.  And let us know how the counselling goes. We are all here to support each other. Take care & hugs.............Carol~