Carol emailed me to see how I'm doing, so thought I would check in.I don't post much anymore because I figure why should I get on here & whine.Nothing has changed.We get along for a few days or a week or so & then we have a blowup about something.The other nite we were arguing on the phone because of a text message on his cell phone.He said it was from a guy but would not prove it to me.He said that it's crazy & that next I would be following him to the gas station to see who pumps his gas.Anyway,He ended up saying that he knew I would never trust him & that he was done & wanted a divorce.This was late Monday nite.By yesterday morning we were talking & he said he didn't want a divorce.Last nite we talked & I told him that I had been honest from the beginning about not trusting & that I did not know how long it would take me to heal.I told him that I have caught him in several lies since d-day & that I don't trust him.
I still have no answer about the bank thing & no he did not check with John about getting his truck driving license again.He said that he checked with some contacts he stilll has in the business to see what local jobs are available(doesn't want to do long haul.I know I couldn't handle it either)& he's not sure there would be enough work.
I can't find anybody to help us get our house back so it does not look good.We can still rent here for another 1 1/2 years & then we would have to move.I need a miracle but that's not likely to happen.
The only good thing lately is that I have had great success with my online weight loss group & have gone from 155.6 to 128.2. All of that since the middle of June.No more fat Barb!That was the weight that I had gained since the A.In fact, one of the members nominated me for "Buddy of the Month" & I got my picture & weight loss story posted for this month & got a free shirt & a free years upgrade to a prememium membership.So, that has been fun!My main goal is to reach 118 & then maybe 110.
I still check in here from time-to-time. I just don't post much.Sometimes getting on here & reading stuff just makes me feel bad because I'm still dealing with all the emotions of the A mess.Sometimes I just don't want to read anymore about affairs because it just makes me think more about my own messed up marriage.'Course, I think about it all the time anyway.I guess I am stuck like Kathy is except I have a husband that still lies from time to time.There is no safe feeling for me since this all started several years ago.If I had any brains I would be gone by now but for some reason I am still with him.Maybe I am just too tired to start over or maybe I just don't want to be alone again or maybe I don't even know why I'm still here.That's about as honest as I can be.Anyway, I hope everyone else is having some degree of success in surviving this mess.
Hi Kid!I have done very well for several reasons.The main reason is that I found a great online weightloss group(& it's free).It's called Weight Loss Buddy.Anyway,soon after I joined, I joined one of the groups.Our team"Body Transformations"has a great leader.We are all very motivated & we incourage each other,are very active in posting daily,ask health/exercise questions & we do 12 week challenges.Plus, I just put some of my energy into losing weight instead of always thinking about the A.It's something for me to do for myself.I am using the slimfast plan but the WeightLossBuddy site doesn't care what plan you follow.It's all about supporting each other.Now that I have lost most of my weight I am trying to make myself get in the habit of exercising.The hardest part for me is finding the time.
And congrats on the weight loss. I need help there too lately. Every since Italy I have gained weight. Dr. feels that it is stress related. So I need to destress...not easy giving what I am going through right now. I need to go away for a relaxing spa weekend...anyone wnat to join me? I would also like to learn to meditate. I am thinking of taking a class
Take Care...Carol~
This message has been edited by pizzalady on Sep 14, 2006 12:24 PM
Hi Carol! Stress, it never goes away for me.I think part of my weight loss motivation is to look good so that if H & I don't work out I will feel good enough about myself to find someone else sometime in the future.I don't see much hope for us because he doesn't show that he cares.So, I might as well work on looking good!
What you wrote about looking good reminds me of Ivanna Trump. After tossing the Donald for cheating with Marla Maples, Ivanna said "The best revenge is looking good." LOL
Hey, I like that Carol! The more weight I lose the better I feel.Plus, it is revenge for me.He lost some weight when he was interested in the OW but now he's as obese as ever.It never really bothered me that he was obese but now I find it a bit funny because I look good & he doesn't.Now I want to find a few minutes a day to work out.No matter what he says or does to me he can't take away the fact that i look good now!
