You said, "Hi yes I find myself here after 25 years of marriage I AM DEVASATED. What do I do now? I have known for about 4 months and he deneyed it (surprize) making me feel I was going mad. But then the girlfriend decided to call me and tell me everything. Sweet person. He had no choice but to come clean. How will I ever get over this??"
Welcome to a place that no one wanted to be. Yes, it is devestating. You are not mad, it really is devestating. But you are in a safe place here to discuss whatever you need.
First, you have to remember to take care of yourself. If you are like the rest of us you've probably gained weight or lost a lot of weight trying to deal with this trauma. Force yourself to eat right, exercise, stay mobile. It helps with the depression.
Can you elaborate on some things for us? Is your husband remorseful? Does he want to save the marriage. Does he answer your questions about the affair.
How long did the affair last?
Do you have kids and if so do they know about the affair?
Is there anything specific that you want to talk about?
Hi there,
he seems sorry but i've had so many lies I still dont beleive its over she says no he says yes. My daughters know everything. 24, 21,17 & 14.
So the OW contacted you in order to end his pursuet of her? Is that how this is going? He's sorry that he hurt you but he is still trying to continue the affair.
Last week I discovered that he is still phoning her,15/20 per day. I got his phone bills from the internet............I managed to get het home no and called her husband and told him everything.All hell broke loose and he is trying to convince me its really over. When I said to him that if I hadn't caught you would you still be ringing her he said probably. When I asked why he said the flattery. She lives a long way from us so its more of a phone affair yea right!!! they have met up at a service station and had sex(how low can someone stoop)My problem now is how to move forward I have told him to leave but he won't and begs forgivness. What do I do? He keeps trying to have sex with me and does not understand when I say no, he says I'm pusing him away.
He met somebody he didn't know from a hole in the ground at a service station and now wants to have sex with you. Absolutely DO NOT let him until you have both been checked for STD's!
I received the lovely gift of herpes from my ex husband. He insisted they used protection, but honestly I doubt it since he wouldn't even with me when we first met.
I am sorry you find yourself here, but this place has been a real saviour for me. There are many great people with years of wisdom and experience in dealing with this. You have found a safe place, a supportive place to help you through this.
The rollercoaster ride truly does suck!
Give yourself some time before you decide if your marriage is over or not. In the meantime concentrate on you. Don't feel guilty for pushing him away........he did this NOT YOU.
Trish, I know exactly how you feel. My husband of 32 years bought property in Florida for our retirement home and had an affair with his realtor in the process. It went on for about 6 months before I discovered it through e-mails. I tried to kick mine out too, but he wouldn't leave. Instead he became Mr. Wonderful. He does all the things he should of been doing throughout our marriage.
The affair had nothing to do with you. You are not responsible. He was probably having issues with mid life, his attractiveness, etc. He was living in a fantasy world.
It's been almost 16 months since D-Day, and it's still very difficult for me. Your H must discontinue all contact with the OW, and please get tested. Let me know if I can help in any way.
Chris
This message has been edited by chrisy55 on Nov 13, 2006 4:33 PM
Thank you everybody that has replyed, I was feeling why me? I feel so supported in here. I presume this is an US site I live in London UK.
Will I be able to go on living like this.mistrusting him when he is out of my sight , he says he can live like that, but I dont feel he should have the luxury of an option.He will not leave the house and is expecting everything to go back to normal DUH.........I thought he was an intelligent man.
I look at him and feel sick. The OW was calling me and telling all about the A now she is deneying that she made the calls.
She called me and told me that my H had called me a fat ugly alcoholic....of course he said he did'nt, but who knows?? so many lies.
We went to a double funeral last week a couple we know were both drowned on the island of Rhodes, very sad only in their 40's. He was calling her from the crematorium what a Bxxxxxx!
Trish, Feeling low today will this feeling ever go away? or will I go mad first? xx
The only way you'll be able to move on is if your H stops chasing after this woman and recommits to the marriage. That means no contact whatsoever with the OW! If he can't do that then the only other way to move on is to kick him out and get on with your own life...take care of yourself.
This is abuse and why are you putting up with it? You deserve better than this. ((((hugs)))...Carol~
How will I know that he is not contacting her, he told me that 3 times before. I REALLY feel like getting some form of revenge.
Not feeling any better in fact worse. please advise..........
