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Jordan, is there any reason you can't go? Or, can the sis come visit you guys? Either way, this is one of many tests that you'll be faced with. Cyndee hasn't give you any indication that she's still interested in OM, has she?

It is rough - my ex worked with the 1st OW, so short of quitting his job, there was no way to avoid the possibility of them running into eachother. He did quit his job later, when I asked him to leave for the second time.

Monica

My yesterdays are all boxed up - and neatly put away.

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""""Wife says she won't go if I don't want her too.""""

I think that she should indeed be considerate of your feelings in this matter. This is not life as normal right now. You both have a responsibility to work this out. I suspect that you were normally a controlling person, Jordan. But the newness of the affair and the specifics that surround these particular people, sister and BIL, over rides your control issues in my opinion. In fact if your wife insisted on going to visit them, I'd be suspect too. At the very least it would be selfish on her part under these current circumstances. I'm not suggesting that your wife is selfish nor insisting on the visit. I'm mearly giving an opinion to support your feelings based on my own experiences in dealing with this at less than 3 months. I figure Cyndee will come to the right conclusion on her own.

If Cyndee knows how upset it will make you, then she should make the decision not to go herself. Putting that decision on you is unfair. I feel she needs to get her priorities in order.

Just my 2 cents worth.

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There is a difference between controling and caring for each other's feelings. If it were business as usual like 6 months ago, would you care if she went to her mom's and spent time with sister and BIL, probably not, right? This is NOT business as usual. You have to establish a new "normal" for your relationship and that takes a long time. In the mean time you have to try extra hard to sooth the other's triggers and feelings. Agreeing that she should not go is not controlling in this case. She put you guys in this situation. It is her that has to be aware of what might cause you anxiety under these extreme circumstances.

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