...

Hi Marie,
My faith in God did not change. We all have a free will. It is up to us to decide what choices to make. In fact one of the therapists I saw explained God's role in all of this. He said God had been suggesting gently to my H to get his life in order, but he ignored Him. So when my H had his 2nd A and I found out and left him, it was God getting out his 2 by 4 and hitting him on the side of the head and saying this is your last wake up call. I found that pretty amusing since my H is a building contractor.

Those crazy thoughts you have are normal. Don't stress over them. However, I noticed that you edited your message in the middle of the night. Are you sleeping yet? Take care of yourself.
Chris

Marie,

How do you find ways to cope with/live with deception on the deepest level, and possibly rejection and abandonment? This is often compounded with issues surrounding children, friends, and extended families.

I think if you can find ways to really answer those questions for yourself, that IS religion and faith.

I have to be careful not to externalize my own issues onto everyone I see and meet.

None of us ever really knows the challenges others face (or have faced), though it's sometimes fun to wonder. But when it turns into self-pity or envy, "oh, THEIR life is perfect and mine sucks" or "they look TOO perfect, something must be really wrong with them under the surface", it's time to pull back.

Chris.

""""None of us ever really knows the challenges others face (or have faced), though it's sometimes fun to wonder. But when it turns into self-pity or envy, "oh, THEIR life is perfect and mine sucks" or "they look TOO perfect, something must be really wrong with them under the surface", it's time to pull back.""""

This is all true but for folks who are newly dealing with these issues it is a normal phase that many of us went thru. The first year or two is when people, betrayed spouses especially, are so skeptical about life in general and the "appearance" of life in general. You've been lied to by the person that you trusted the most. You've been betrayed and therefore you have suffered a drastic trauma to your psychie. The world takes on a different appearance for a while. Life will eventually look worth living to you again no matter how your marriage turns out.

Marie,

After the discovery of an affair, our world is shattered. We stand amidst the ruins of our life. Our hearts and minds are filled with pain, grief, and confusion. Life no longer makes sense. Prior to the discovery of an affair we live our lives believing that when we get up in the morning, our day will be similar to the day before.

I felt so empty after D-day, almost like I was a ghost. It felt like I could see straight through my skin and there was nothing there but bone. Destroyed from the inside out. This emptiness gave me the opportunity to fill myself up with a spirit of love and compassion. But PTSD has a way of fooling us.

Eventually, I fleshed out with anger and rage. I damaged a lot of my life and of those around me with this rage.
But it seems inevitable in a lot of cases- rage. Lashing out at what we don't want to believe. It's like I wanted to take the pain and thrust it outwards, give it back to my husband since he is the one who gave it to me.

But after a time, (usually a few years) this pain, hurt, and anger can destroy our hearts and we realize "hey, I don't want this in my life, " I want to LIVE a life filled with love and compassion and forgiveness. I want to feel PEACE in my soul. What is life worth if we don't have peace in our hearts? And that peace comes with 'letting go'. That letting go frees up the heart to have that peace and love.


This will come to you in time. Many of us have walked through HELL to have this peace.

Take care, and we are all here to help you on your journey.

Marie


I'm on my way to my new 'boyfriends' cabin. He is remodeling the bathroom and has given me carte blanche to decorate it. After 25 yrs. of marriage, this is a whole new ballgame. But he treats me with respect. We'll see.

Marie

"At times Dad kissed Mom- they seemed so happy. All I could think was "They look too happy- he must be cheating on her.""

Know what I think when I see couples like that? I think about how my BF and I are so happy together and sometimes we go places with the kids too and kiss and hold hands and people likely assume the children are (ours) instead of one of ours. Because of that when I see a very happy couple together, I end up thinking that they may be so darned happy because perhaps they are dating???

Oh my gosh, I think I let out a bit of pessimism today and that's just not me! LOL

Okay, what I really think is that there are no addictions, child abuse, emotional issues, verbal abuse, depression, etc. in either person nor their families and that is why they are both so functional together or quite possibly that they just haven't been married long enough to screw up yet?

Never know, huh?

Charlie