It hurt s so much i just cant stop crying. He doesnt even care how much he hurt me. 6 years and I dont even get a reason or a sorry or anything... nothing, he just walks out the door? oh my god how can I make it through this, what do I tell my 8 year old, my 2 year old...? I want to call him and beg him to come back and talk to me but I dont think that would help. Why doesnt he want to come and talk to me ... I want him to hold me and tell me it was all a bad dream, that it never happened ,god I love him so much.how did i get here...how can i ever sleep in my bed again? why cant i just hate him? I need this pain to stop....

tanja, we've all been where you are.

First, it's okay to feel how you feel. Trying to push down your feelings or deny them or rush yourself through them isn't necessarily good. In order to get through all this, you have to go through it...not around, not over, not under.

You asked what to tell your kids. Try not to tell them very much at all, that daddy has been mean to mommy and had to go somewhere else for a while. It is important for the kids to grow up with two parents, and keeping a relationship between them and him would be a good thing. Otherwise, the kids will feel abandoned, too.

About all I can tell you that might help is this:

Focus on you...eat some, move some, do some normal things. Keep your physical strength up so you can face the emotional trauma while still caring for the kids.

And come here to read others' stories, to vent, to share. We understand.

Chris.

I had to eat Slim Fasts at first because I couldn't keep anything down and was losing too much weight. Try to get out and exercise, even if it is a walk - that helps to clear your mind. I know how hard it is to feel that bad and realize that you need to keep your head up because of your kids. Sadly, the more they see you a mess, the more hurt they will feel. Some of that is unavoidable but don't feel bad about it. If you have any friends who can help, don't be afraid to ask for help. You need it right now.

The anger does often come later when the horrible pain subsides a bit. It seems like a necessary thing to get through what has happened to you as long as you can control your anger. Getting to a counselor (C) right away will help a good deal if you are able to find a good one.

I was one of the people who didn't want to take anything to help me sleep but did find an over the counter Tylenol PM that helped me get a better night sleep. Alcohol can we our worst enemy when we are feeling this down, try your hardest to avoid it. It only makes things worse. I always feel so sad when I see someone going through all of this, it brings back how bad it felt but I want to tell you that is DOES improve with time. It may be hard to believe this at the moment but you will feel better in time. Just try to get throught today and then tomorrow and focus on that for now.

When I first went through this, I remember thinking it was the worst thing ever, but the more time I had, the more I realized that it was actually a blessing in disguise to get him out of my life. He never treated me the way he should have and it just didn't occur to me until I got away from him for a while and started dating other very nice guys. Hang in there - it will get better.

Charlie

:*( Oh God your post brings pain to my chest. There is no rhyme or reason to why this crap happens to us. We don't deserve it. Just know there are people here who know what you're feeling. That was the ONLY thing that seemed to help me right after I found out. *****Hugs and kisses******