Just wanted to say thanks to you who responded to my writing.It helps so much to hear from you and to get your advice.He told me last night that he has not been in love with me for a long time and that he just pretended for the past year.Well he lives with the OW now and he told me he loves her wich I guesse I needed to hear but it really hurts.I keep on thinking if I just would have loved him better this would have never happened but I gave him my all my whole heart. I just want to wake up and know it was all a bad dream. We are telling the kids today I just hope I can keep it together for them...
He is a selfish bastard and probably so caught up in the fog he won't realize what he has done and lost until it is too late. You need to stay strong for yourself and your kids. I wish I had more to offer.
"I keep on thinking if I just would have loved him better this would have never happened but I gave him my all my whole heart."
Think about your statement, you gave all you could and you feel it wasn't enough. Tanja...one of the hardest things to accept is that it is not your fault. It isn't about you, I know you feel that is is your fault, but the only person you have control over is yourself.
No matter what you did, could have done, or believe you didn't do...he is the one who left the relationship for his own selfish reasons. His lack of commitment to you, to your children, and to himself for not honoring his vows and promises are not your fault in any way, shape, or form.
Deflecting blame is a common tactic for a betrayer, he can't look in the mirror and face himself so his is going to do and say anything to place the blame on you.
Regardless of any problems in your relationship, you did not seek answers outside the relationship.
Hang in there, right now it doesn't seem like it can ever be better, but I promise you, you can heal from this betrayal.
He says he doesn't love you, to make himself feel better. One of these days, sooner or later, he'll realize what he's done...and it will hit him like a ton of bricks. ((((Hugs)))