Sorry you find yourself here, allalonenow, but you've found people who understand what you are going through.
Most of us understand your wish to cause pain...to return it to the people who have inflicted pain on you. But ultimately that's not productive or helpful to anyone...it just makes things worse. So I won't offer any revenge suggestions.
Many people have trouble eating, sleeping, and just functioning day to day. That cold lump in the middle of my belly didn't go away for several days. But it is important (for you and for your family) that you try to eat, try to exercise some to clear your head, and try to sleep. If you are having trouble with anxiety or depression or sleeplessness and simply can't function, get help from your family doctor.
Focus on you.
And to help focus on you as a real person, it would help me to use a real name even if it's not your real name. Now's your chance to be "Jane Doe" or "Oprah" or anyone else you want to be.
Chris.
I know I wouldn't want either of them teaching my youngster.