This morning the so called kiss my husband had while smoking pot story is gone. He has scene two people in the last 6 years. We have been married 16 years. We did not have any problems, we were happy or at least I was foolish to think. I feel cruched, I would really like to call it quits. The only picture I keep seeing in my head, well I am sure you can guess. I could not go to work today. I think I am still in shock. My emotions are all over the place; you would think I was a little off the wall. I am off the wall. The only thing that I hurt so mush about is I never thought the person who was my soulmate could do this, and for all those years. I can't believe I still love him. I just want this to be gone.
I want to hold him, be close to him and make love. I am nut and I am not going to touch him but god it hurts. He did not have safe sex. How could someone do this for so long? Why don't they just talk and if this is what needed to happen than we both could move on. He states he is sorry and will do anything. I feel like I have had no marriage, at least not for the last 8 years. I think of my 13 year old son and it kills me. I have no one I trust, no one to talk with. I should never have let someone be a part of me. I won't go into it but I was hurt badly in my teenage years by a male. My family show no emotions and there is no communication.
Thanks for reading.
We understand the lies, the deception, and how it all dribbles out.
We understand the cold heavy dark feeling in your heart, the sensation of icy water running through your veins, the sickness in the pit of your stomach. (Remember to eat properly...don't starve yourself, and don't use food for comfort, either.) Take care of your son, although at 13 he's passing out of that "sweet little boy" phase and into high school and the teenage years of withdrawal and separation.
We understand the wish that it would all be just a bad dream.
You're "normal", and for many of us it was a relief to come here and discover that. At first it seems very strange that words on a screen from complete strangers could possibly be meaningful, but if you hang in here, I think you will see otherwise. Many of us found it difficult (or impossible) to discuss this stuff with people in our "real life" because they just don't understand unless they've been through it.
You are on the first part of a roller-coaster ride. That desire to have your husband back is also normal..."hysterical re-bonding" some call it.
Welcome to the club no one wanted to join. I'm glad you found us.