My D-day is August 13,2007. It's funny how I kept that date in my head even before I stumbled on this site. I found out accidently that my H of 4years,we've been together 9 years had been cheating on me. I clicked on to his E-mail one day looking for a mutual frinends E-mail message that we both knew would be sending to him because I don't always check my E-mails. Mind you out of respect for each other that was the first time I had ever gone on his E-mail.We've only had a computer the last 4 years.On the E-mail the woman sent a picture, stated she loved him, was sorry she missed his call and also stated two wrongs don't make a right.CSI must had taken hold of me because I immediately went to his sent box and discovered he had sent a ticket itinerary for her to come to our home town in January of 2007. I didn't confront him when he came home that night.I asked him questions in regard to cheating and would he ever tell me if he had cheated. His responses were in the line of the person would have to have proof.I showed him the E-mail with the picture the next day after he had his morning coffee.He stated the woman was just someone he communicated with.I told him he was lying and I also knew she had been down to where we lived.I walked out the house went for a walk he came after me and confessed he had been having an affair with this woman for the past year and a half I must add we moved to where we are know in August 2006 and she came down here Jan. 2007.MY life since the D-day has been an ongoing rollercoaster of feelings followed by many, many tears. We went to Las Vegas recently to renew our vows but the pain commes up inside of me and I start to cry. Needless to say we've had many, many arguments about this.I'm thankful for this site and thankful for everyone that share their expierence, strength and hope.

Hello Jerrie, I'm sorry you had to come looking for us but welcome to a safe place. Many here know exactly what you are going thru with the roller coaster of emotions. Renewing vows right away is not enough to make things back to normal. You will find that the normal that you are so familiar with is lost forever. What you are looking for now is a new normal and that will take time.

Is your H remorseful? Has he ended the affair? Are you and/or your H seeing a counselor?

Again welcome,

H2C

Thanks H2C for your response. Please excuse the spelling errors.I was very nervous when I wrote this but I felt I needed to do this. He called the ow the same day I informed him I knew about it and told her it was over. He also cried and said he was sorry and never meant to hurt me.Since then he has had no contact with her(I checked his E-mails,cell phone and cell phone bill)at all.I know her phone number and address by heart. I found them on a parking ticket payment record, which she paid in her name. Even though he has no contact with her it doesn't lessen the pain.To tell the truth I feel much better since I found this site and found enough courage to tell my story. When I first found out we went to counseling once. It only broke the ice we were okay for a minute but when the pain kicked in we were arguing about it again.We also received counseling from our pastor but I didn't feel he did a good job at all.He made it sound like some sort of right of passage and that we would be fine.That's not to say we don't pray it was his approach to this was wrong.He's been very attentive towards me these last three months but I still want to know why?

""""Even though he has no contact with her it doesn't lessen the pain.""""

We all know what you mean by that statement and unfortunately that pain is gonna be there for quite a while but it does get better day by day, at a snail's pace at first.

""""To tell the truth I feel much better since I found this site and found enough courage to tell my story.""""

Its like finding out that you are not crazy after all for having all these emotions.

""""When I first found out we went to counseling once. It only broke the ice we were okay for a minute but when the pain kicked in we were arguing about it again.""""

Counseling is not a quick fix by any stretch of the imagination. It will take a long time probably for your H to understand why he gave himself permission to have an affair. Rest assured that it didn't have anything to do with you as a wife. Nothing you could have done would have prevented him from having an affair somewhere along the line. That weakness is within him and his to deal with. Has your H placed blame on you for his affair in any way?

You will probably need more counseling to learn how to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. PTSD is what pretty much happens to all of us who get betrayed. Did you see it coming or were you blind sided?

""""We also received counseling from our pastor but I didn't feel he did a good job at all.""""

We did too and it felt like the minister was placing the blame on our marriage instead of the person that stepped out of bounds. The marriage including me was at fault for my W's bad choices. That's a crock. No one consulted me or asked for my permission for my wife to have an affair. Stay away from marriage counseling at first. Individual counseling is more helpful in the beginning to sort out individual character flaws for your H. He has to be willing to delve deep inside himself though. If he doesn't get to the bottom of it, at least for himself, then the problems still exist. If the problems still exist that led to him giving himself permission, well I figure you can guess where I'm headed with this.

""""He made it sound like some sort of right of passage and that we would be fine.""""

Do you feel fine? Do you think you will feel fine if you never know the whole truth and aren't allowed to feel what you feel? Has anyone suggested that you "just get over it"?

Hi Jerrie

I'm sad to see yet another have to join the club that no one wants to join but am glad you found us. Even when you do get explanations as to "why" your H (husband) had his A (affair), you will still often not understand it or agree with it. There is no good excuse for betraying someone you love. Will your H talk to you about whatever you desire to know? That is what is important for your healing even though it will be painful for him. Some want to know and some don't and that's okay. I was the type that wanted to know everything. Without that, the unanswered questions will eat you alive. How is he responding to your many questions?

Charlie

In the beginning he answered all my questions.He started out my saying it was an mutual attraction. Then he tried to say it just happened. I told him finding money just happens ,affairs don't just happen. He went on to say they only met once or twice a month. I told him it was still an affair and he had a relationship with this woman. I also told him his arrogance wouldn't even allow him to think I knew, even the day before I really let him know by asking all the questions about cheating.He was really surprised to know that I knew the woman had flown to where we live.He seems to want me to speed dial this recovery period without really addresing what happened with him to make him want to have an affair.

At times I thought I was going in and out of being crazy. One moment I hated him and her. I e-mailed her three times and the fourth time wouldn't go through because she changed her E-mail.I've learned since then I don't hate him I hate his actions.The first two months found me crying during the day and getting out bed at 2,4 and 5 o'clock in the morning to go in the living room to cry until I couldn't cry no more.This behavior usually brought him into the living room to console me but after awhile that no longer worked because in the process of him consoling me I would always go back to the affair.He then began to come out then go back to bed without consoling me. I wanted him to take away the pain he had given me.I went to the library and borrowed books on affairs. I tried to share what I had read sharing the sections that talked about the betrayer and his response as it is now that's on you he would say. I'm over it is always his other response. I told him several times if he doesn't get to the bottom of this he can repeat it.

He only had sex with her once or twice a month? The key word for him is "only". The key word for you is "had". If he only had sex with her one time in your entire marriage, that is one time too many for any betrayed spouse. That would cause you just as much pain as this year and half affair, just less details.

""""I went to the library and borrowed books on affairs. I tried to share what I had read sharing the sections that talked about the betrayer and his response as it is now that's on you he would say. I'm over it is always his other response.""""

This is a way of saying "just get over it". He is over it and he wants you to just take his word for it. Some betrayers will never understand what they have destroyed and then they try to blame the betrayed person for not being able to just get over it and go back to things as normal. Problem is, the normal you both knew is now lost forever. I suspect that this is never going to be ok with you unless he does the work to figure out his flaws. Most affair books (good ones anyway) will tell you that it is the betrayer who has to help the betrayed heal. The first step to that is to find out why within himself. Then you both can start to heal from this.

By the way, check out our resources section for names of great books on affair recovery.

Keep reading and posting. It sure helped me.

Wish you well,

H2C

Thanks again H2C for your comments. One of the books I borrowed from the library was After The Affair by Janis Abrahms.My H has said repeatly he loves me .He hasn't been mean or nasty and stated he is willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work.He agreed last night to go back to counseling.On my part I had trouble accepting the fact he could do this to me, I now know the affair wasn't about me, it was about a character defect he has and like someone said a need to fill a void or do something that takes him outside himself.I've finally accepted the fact he is a liar and a cheat and I told him so.It took awhile and he had also said that's what he is but just for today he's trying to change.Since I've been on this site I feel that I'm finally freeing myself of most of the overwhwelming feelings I have.Just for today the urge to throw myself on the floor and cry has subsided. I hope allowing my faith in God and having faith in my husband that he is changing will guide me through this.

<<I told him finding money just happens ,affairs don't just happen.>>

Jerrie, that made me laugh! My ex said the same thing, "It just happened." I told him, "No, natural disasters like floods or tornadoes 'just happen' - what you did took a lot of work and energy!"

I hope that you're feeling less crazy, after finding out some details. A lot of times, the WS tells the BS that very thing, when the BS starts getting suspicious. Then, too, when we're given half answers, blatant lies, and no support, that sort of reinforces our own feelings that our life is spinning out of control. You said your H is in counseling, are you going for individual or marital counseling?

Early on, it took absolutely nothing to send me over the edge. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, all I wanted to do was cry. Meds and counseling worked wonders for me - and a lot of time. I'm glad you found us, I hope you continue to post.

Monica

"I have all I've waited for and I could not ask for more"

Thanks Monica for your comments. We went to counseling when I first found out. It was a psychologist that specializes in marital problems. He spoke to us together then separate then together again. We were suppose to go back again separately but the cost was too much.I found another one less expensive and we are going to try him.Yes I did tell him the affair didn't just happen.Like you said natural disasters,floods and what I said finding money just happens.Let me say this before this happened my H always thought of me as a naive,unwise to the ways of mankind and trusting soul.Since this situation has arisen he calls me CSI in a joking manner and had to admit he has a changed opinion of me. Especially in an angry moment I told him to call the ow for some money he needed an recited her phone number and address. This situation has made me take off the blinders and lose any illusion about who my husband really is. Truth be told, unless he's willing to change he's a liar and a cheat.

Jerrie,

I really feel for you right now. Let me share some experience with you. You will probably feel good up to the point. Then he acts strange one day and you decide to go snooping. What you'll find you probably already knew existed. You might just be overwelmed right now from feelings because he is making the promises he's made.

Eleven years ago, I too did the very same thing. I cheated and I promised to and did every detail that was asked of me. Counciling, Whatever it took.... Except letting go. I don't know why but I still lied, did not cheat but lied about talking to the OP. Lied about emails, phone calls, ect... Recently I too had a D-Day of my own. I've posted the story in the Open directory. It has come around. As one blogger suggested that it is Karma or Poetic Justice. I'm under the belief that the act is her fault, how we got her is mutual. But, now I'm in the same delima. I've asked her to leave. She's moved back in, I've asked her to leave. I've given her a list of demands that she needs to meet. Most of all, to be honest. Then she needs 180 degree total seperation. Unattaching herself which she can't do. I've tried to be the best husband for her over the last month. I've given her everything she could ask for. I've quit dringking (right now, BIG MISTAKE,) reading books for healing and communicating, counciling & even medication. Everything except total trust. But, she still needs to earn that (see my last post under Open.)

I guess what I am saying is to prepare yourself for more dissapointments. Don't feel ashamed for not trusting. Take it from me, I've been on both sides. You need to be honest with your own feelings and emotions, before worrying about his. If you have children, put their feelings and emotions in front of him. You need to take steps to understand what your rights are, legally. There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to professionals regarding your existing family and keeping them together. If you feel him being uneasy. Set him down and talk emotionally. Try to feel what his feelings are. In my case if you feel any resistance, than there is a problem. Your WS is not being honest. It may be that he or she feels in love (my WS's case) and can't find a way through the pain of not being close to the OP. I too was in that position, so I know where my spouse is at. But this time it's different. I came back begging for her, she won't. She claims she is in love with him. So last night, I went snooping and found what I was looking for. Needless to say, I've been awake for 30 hours, I've cried buckets full of tears, puked (sorry) and I've asked her for a Divorce. I don't know if I have any other options. She wants to stay. But that is probably because of the Holiday and the Kids. But, I'm of the opinion that if this happens, it should happen now. It's very lonely laying next to someone that you love so much and they can't love you back. For my sanity, if we don't divorce, then I need some type of speration maybe? I digress. Sorry.

Hang in there but keep your guard up. I remember my 6 month affair like it was almost yesterday. This affair my wife has been involved in has brought back so many memories that I've buried. So, if there is any questions you might have from a wayward husbands' point of view or if I can help? I'm always awake it seems crusing this website. I've been spending too much time here, but I'll be glad to help. Also, if you are looking for another book to read, I just finished Dr. John Gray's first book in his Mars/Venus series. It's called "What you feel you can Heal". Very good writing. It has done wonders for me, and it's a fast read. I like those. Crash.

Thanks Crash for your comments.The psychologist we went to is related to the author of Women Are From Venus/Men Are From Mars and we bought a copy of the book. My husband has had no contact with the other woman. I check his cellphone,e-mails and his cellphone bill. You can't delete calls made or received on a cell phone bill.I know her number by heart and if she changed to a new cell phone I would recognize the area code. Plus he hasn't exhibited any suspicious behavior.Let's not get this twisted, I truly love my husband.He chose to stay with me. I even told him,he could go to be where she is and he said no .He said that he loved me and he wanted to stay and work through this. It's much easier to divorce than to forgive. I first had to get acceptance about what he did, what he's capable of doing,if he doesn't change and who he really is for now.

I need to backtrack for a moment to the day I clicked on to my H e-mail and saw the other woman's picture staring at me and read her e-mail of which she confessed her love for him. My immediate feeling was numbness. I remembering saying to myself, please God tell I'm dreaming and the man I've come to love and married isn't cheating on me with this woman.At that moment the tears couldn't come but when they did they were relentless.Besides asking my self why,I also wondered where I was when all this was going on. The feeling of betrayal raged along with anger, humiliation, low self-esteem and sexual inadequacy.Again I felt this before I found out the affair isn"t about me, it's about him.

This site is only for those who haved been betrayed. I don't think Crash meant any harm by sharing about being the betrayer but I hope he will share those thoughts on the Open Forum.I wouldn't mind reading them on the proper forum.LIke I said before I feel better since finding this site.I read the blogs on all the forums not just this one and I always find some profound comment that hits home and I can identify with.No this isn't a club that any of us asked to join but it is good to know that you are not alone but in fact have joined an online support group. I like the way the moderators step in when they notice the forum has gone awry,kudos to them.The people on this and the other forums onthis site, with their comments have actually explained to me exactly what I've gone through in words I just couldn't find.Also their feelings were similar to mine. Thanks to everyone.

Jerrie, its not what Crash said as I believe that it was a very helpful post. But we have to insist that we keep the Discovery forum for those who have just found out about an affair. Many people read here, people that we may never see post on our forums for whatever reason. We have no ill feelings about former wayward spouses. FWSs also come here on our Open and Divorce forums to get help. We try to help them as much as we would a newly betrayed person. In fact we have FWSs on our site administration. One in particular was a life saver for me almost 6 years ago. Just please understand this is a policy issue, not a personal issue.

H2C

Thanks for the commnets H2C.I agree with everything you said.The moderator had said similar comments. I just hope that Crash continues to post his betrayed comments onthe discovery forum and his betrayer comments on the open forum.You previously asked if I was blindsided by my H's affair,yes I most certainly was.What hurt even more was that they both planned and executed her coming to the town where we live.Even now that bring tears to my eyes.

""""I just hope that Crash continues to post his betrayed comments onthe discovery forum and his betrayer comments on the open forum.""""

I do too. Few people around here have experiences from both sides of the fence.

To further the point that I was making, you were blind sided but you didn't get here on our site for months. You found some aid from other sources right away. Picture the night after you found OW's picture and email and the tormented mental shape that you must have been in. Some people find us within hours of finding out about their spouse. Right or wrong, they are most likely not in a tolerant mood to exchange with a FWS within days of just finding out no matter how much the FWS wants to help. In fact many arguments and WS bashing has happened on other sites because of it. Many of us were like that at first. That is why we must provide and maintain a safe place for someone just finding out to come and vent, spew, cry and get support from those who walked before them.

As I say that, personally, within weeks of finding out I was asking FWSs on the Open forum to explain things to me about what my wayward wife was saying. I couldn't believe anything that my wife was saying at the time but it was amazing how I listened to veteran FWSs, especially females, explain my wife's comments. That is why any FWS that is willing to post to us is so darn valuable to our healing. It's just that we have to keep safe places for all posters including FWSs.

I was blind sided too and at the time deeply in love with my wife of 31 years. It's been over 5 1/2 years since d-day. We are still together but it is not the same.

Thanks H2C for your comments.When I first found out about the affair ,we went to counseling.I tried to find a support group in my area where I live but couldn't. I typed different titles in the search bar but could only find ones that told you ways to find out if your man is cheating,of which I wanted no part of.I reached out to friends and another support group in my life. I stumbled on this site when I finally typed in affair recovery.Before coming to this site I didn't realize so many people have been betrayed by their spouses.I know this is a healing process but every day I feel I wake up with this pain, hence the title good morning pain. The pain sits beside me and I have to make a daily decision whether I'm going to stay in pain all day or fight back and focus on living life on life's terms.Yes someone said this is a club you don't ask to join but once your a member, strap in and ride this rollercoaster with all of it's twists and turns we call Affair Recovery.

""""Before coming to this site I didn't realize so many people have been betrayed by their spouses.""""

And we don't even know about all the affairs that are occuring that don't show up here. Since d-day it seems to me that infidelity is around every corner, brother, brother in laws, sister in laws, daughter in law, friends, neighbors. The list just goes on and on. I guess before d-day I was aware but really didn't understand the impact of what it meant to be cheated on. Now that I do, I'm sickened by how much infidelity there is.

My BIL left his wife of 22 years (2 kids) for a 26 year old stripper with a 3 year old. She was the stripper for a friend's bachelor party that BIL held at BIL's house. He took her into "their" bed the night of the party then started dating the stripper. I'm still having a tough time topping that one. But I'm sure it can be.

Thanks again H2C for your comments. My guess is only the betrayer can answer why he or she chose to cheat on their spouse.My H did tell me it wasn't about me, it was about him. Then why am I in pain? He went on to say it was just sex, but why did the OW state in her e-mail that she loved him.I accused him of telling her that he loved her so he could continue having sex with her and I became angry all over again.I told him yesterday I wanted him to do some work on his inner self or that marriage can't go on.I told him he needs to find out what inside himself told him it was okay to have an affair and what what the guiding force that him continue it .I also told him as passive as he might think I am I'm not going to go through this again. I would leave him first.I also told him it doesn"t matter to me if he isn't able to tell me why but what is more important that he is able to tell himself why and put in some work to prevent it.That's if he wants to stay married to me.I also told having an affair while you are married is totally unacceptable.

""""He went on to say it was just sex, but why did the OW state in her e-mail that she loved him.""""

Jerrie, this is the most common statement from male betrayers. "It was just sex." On the other hand, a female betrayer will tell you "It was the way he made me feel." as my wife did. It comes down, most of the time, to the basic differences between men and women. Men in general can have sex with any willing woman without emotional attachment. There are exceptions to that generality as I'm an exception. There are other men here who are exceptions. Women generally have to have a certain level of emotional attachment before they let a guy in their pants. Likewise there are exceptions to that generality too. I know a couple of women who are like that.

But neither one of those answers above defines why a person lets themself betray their spouse. What we have found here is that most of the time the betrayer person suffered some type of childhood trauma or ongoing childhood difficulty growing up. There can be other forms of trauma suffered later in life that will lead to infidelity as well. But they are generally rare cases. This is why we say that your H will have to delve deep within himself to discover it. So look at the childhood first.

My wife like many other female betrayers was molested as a child along with being called stupid and made to feel inferior all her childhood by her father. Growing up, she never really had a good male model, not even in her church. So it is hard for her, even to this day, to recognize a good man when she sees one. She now just doesn't trust men in general and I can't blame her.

Thanks again H2C you are always on point as they say .I've read on some other sites about studies done on infidelity and they said with men the main reason is sex,among others and with women it is emotional.I told my H that he hurt two people. He hurt me,his wife and the OW who might have thought that he would leave me for her.He even said that whenever she might have approached the subject he said I'm not leaving my wife. I then asked him did he say that before or after they had sex!!!

Likewise, Jerrie, my wife brought up the leaving of spouses thing with OM. He and his wife had been married 32 years with 2 kids (a year longer than us). He jumped up out of his seat almost making a scene in a resturant and told my wife that that was never going to happen, that he was not leaving his wife. My wife continued to have sex with him. I naturally asked my wife how she could have sex with him knowing that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. She said that she thought she could change his mind. People who are in affairs have some very delusional thinking. Its like they avoid common scense at all costs to keep the moment going.

Hi guys. I'm sorry about the betrayer thing. I'm new and not to coherent this week. It comforts me to write about my lessons in life, certainly the ones were I might be able to shed light or give comfort back. Please accept my apology. From now on, I will only post on "Discovery" my recent experiences. crash.

I'm glad to see you post again Crash. Our intention is never to run someone off who needs help, support and gives great advice as well. We have just found in the past that some newly betrayed people will trigger when talking to a former WS or WS so we keep those discussions on the OPEN forum. Usually most people start posting on OPEN after the initial hurt. It helps to see things from the other side sometimes.

Charlie

Thanks everyone for all the comments. My H sat down and read this blog from beginning to end. He read my initial comment on my D-day and everyone else's blog. He especially liked the comments by H2C.I let him read it because I don't have any secrets from him and all that I write I've already spoken to him about, but I felt it was good for him to see it in print.We've moved more to healing now.Everything is out in the open and we are trying to bond tighter than before.He's also reaching out for help.He' being a loving husband in all areas of the marriage including intimacy.I just have to let go and let God do what he does best.I think I may move over to the open forum.

Last night and today myH and I argued as if I had just discovered the affair because I continue to relate everything in our lives to it. I keep thinking I'm moving on but when that pain comes it takes hold of me and even while I'm praying I'm crying.He said I continue to stay in the past moments and he wants to stay in the present.I keep searching for the why and become angry when he doesn't give me the answers I want to hear.If it was just sex why did it last a year and a half. He once answered because he was locked and loaded(not alcohol speaking).He continues to say he wasn't in love with her and didn't care if she was in love with him.Maybe the pain is easier to deal with than the future?

Jerrie, your mind and heart are in different places. You are trying to make sense of something that will never make sense to you. There is a "why" in all of this mess but it is the size of Texas. The "why" involves everything about your H from childhood right up to when he gave himself permission to have an affair. One of the hindering aspects of trying to understand the "whys" is your gender verses his gender. You have a female perspective trying to understand a male perspective of things. One of the things that was hardest for me was to ACCEPT what my wife said about her affair from a female perspective. Looking at things from a male point of view, that was very difficult indeed. Luckily there were a couple of female betrayers here that were willing to help me through the female perspectives. And believe me, that wasn't easy either.

So lets speak specific about what is bothering you in this latest post. From my perspective as a male, I can believe that your H didn't love her or care if she loved him. I believe that it is very possible for the affair to run a year and half and just be about the sex for him. Looking at it from your perspective if the roles were reversed and assuming that you are like most females, you would have to have a level of emotional attachment before you could have sex with your affair partner. And to further that, from a female perspective, you would certainly become more and more emotionally attached the longer the affair (especially involving sex) went on. You know that if you as a female invested over a year with a man in that way that you would really be attached to that relationship. But, it isn't necessarily the same for men and that is why it won't make sense to you until you can accept that that's the way men are or can be. I can see that that is a hard thing to accept as a female. In fact it sorta puts the male gender in a bad light from a female perspective, doesn't it?

So how can your H have an affair for well over a year and not really care about the OW? Compartmentalization is the answer. And it seems from what I've read here over the years that men are a little better at compartmentalizing than women. So your H on one hand has his family, the mother of his kids, his home and all that includes such as bills, kids lunch money, mortgage, everyday married life. That is all in one compartment. In another compartment he has a mistress that he is basically lying to in order to continue to have sex on the side with. He gives her gifts, treats her nicely, says all the right things based on her vulnerablilities, all the things she wants to hear. He is basically playing a role as an actor like in a long drawn out movie. He is trying to be whatever she wants him to be. He can do this rather easily because those things that are in the other compartment such as the mortgage, the kid's lunch money etc. don't really get in his way. The affair is his "play ground" compartment with all the fun and games without the everyday life getting in the way. Sure there are some details to stay on top of such as where to meet her, how to keep the affair a secret, but that is just part of the playgound.

I'll bet this is still difficult for you to digest isn't it, much less be able to readily accept it, the fact that your H would risk loosing the compartment that holds what is near and dear to him for the other compartment containing nothing more than a farce, a pretend playground. I guess I still struggle with that myself.

One other thing that you seem to be struggling with is the ups and downs of the rollercoaster. By now you should be gaining "experience" with the ups and downs having gone thru many episodes of it. The more you get to see it happen, the more you can predict it's outcome. The more you can predict it's outcome, the more you can control the ups and the downs. For instance, you probably know by now that you don't stay at the bottom nor can you stay at the top even though you might want to. To an extent as time goes by you can control how long you spend at the bottom. Staying on top is a tough thing to control. You can control how deep the bottom is based on your passed experience with the bottom. Over time the contrast between the ups and downs become less dramatic because you learn how to deal with the rollercoaster. Did any of that make sense?

H2C As always you are right on point.There's one point I have repeatedly failed to make. When I met my H he was in a relationship with another woman, they weren't married, though. I cheated with him for 9 months and he eventually came out of the relationship. I remember all the passion we both felt whenever we met up. Our realtionship grew and we got married 5 years later after we both divorced spouses we had been sepparated from for many years.The point I made to him I'm also making to you. After cheating with him we eventually becamme a couple, but can what you and he said about this woman be true that's it was just sex. It's certainly true about an affair, be a world created with no responsibilities, just the sexual fu;fillment and pleasure given to each other, been there, got the tee-shirt.

Jerrie, I'll answer you on the Open forum just in case you need to discuss your cheating with your H back when you first met.