I haven't been here for years, but a quick glance and I recognise some names that were here before. How sad this all is. Well, I'm back to tell you that it has now been nearly 4 years since my husband decided to have a one night stand and followed it up by having an affair with her and followed that up by leaving me for a year and followed that up by coming back to me after they 'mutually split up'. We had a year or so of lies, tantrums, physical violence, sulking, etc etc on both our parts. My biggest complaint was that he didn't act like he was sorry, and it still is. I've discovered loads more lies and a few home truths along this 4 year road and I'm no happier and no wiser. I won't go into all of it, it would take forever and a day.
Just simply want to know - will I ever get my self esteem back? Will I ever feel like he actually fancies me sexually, rather than how I feel now, which is that I'm there and he needs sex. I have actually now stopped having sex with him altogether, because it makes me feel abused, can't explain it, but it does. The last time we did, we had a huge row afterwards and he told me that what we just did wasn't even worthy of being called a F*** so I just decided there and then that I wouldn't be doing it again until I felt that he actually desires ME (not sex - ME) and like I said, that was a year ago, and I haven't felt anything close to it yet.
Some of you will remember me as Freckles. He made me abandon this forum which he calls 'the nutters page'.
Any hope for me?
I think, that over the last 4 years, I have become very bitter and twisted. I begrudge couples that even look like they're in love. If I hear someone's getting married, I chunter 'idiots' to myself. I'm just sad really xxxx
"I have become very bitter and twisted. I begrudge couples that even look like they're in love. If I hear someone's getting married, I chunter 'idiots' to myself"
When I was still with my ex, I remember feeling the same exact way. Now that we are separated and I am dating, I no longer feel that bitterness and I am so glad we aren't together anymore.
I'm sorry your going through all of this. You have choices to make and they are not easy. Hang in there.
Hi Sandy/Freckles [I take it you're fair-haired? ]. I remember you. You may remember me as Bart.
>>He made me abandon this forum which he calls 'the nutters page'.<<
I'll have to agree with him about that much - most of us are as crazy as a clockwork orange but come by our nuttiness honestly. (On the other hand, he may be referring to the other nutter's page, which is even nuttier than this one.)
It takes alot of gall (after having an affair) to force one's spouse to stay away from a forum for nutters whose spouses have also had affairs.
I suppose it would be more comfortable for him if you simply hit the red X box in the upper right-hand corner which would make those nutters go away, and save you from their influence. We're the problem. I get it.
I'm really touched that so many of you remember me! By the way, I'm not fair haired and I don't have freckles!! My name is Sandy (Sandra) and Freckles was a loving adorable little whippet cross dog that was my soul mate for 16 years. She died 6 years ago, but I still love her to bits. So, I have murky brown hair (sounds sexy huh?) which is now grey (sorry, gray) but I have the colour enhanced (covered up!!) and I'm 47 and fat. Good job this isn't a dating page or you'd all switch off!!
What's in it for me? I just did a little explanation over on the open board. Basically, my Mum is 87 and lives with us, and I can't bring myself to go the divorce route which would mean selling our house and uprooting her at this time in her life. So I'm playing the happy games with the odd lapse into fits of anger, but doing all the normal stuff that normal couples do, like going on holiday etc. because it makes for an easy life, for me and my Mum. I intend to get my life back when Mum isn't around anymore. I don't know if I'm being kind, cruel or selfish, actually, but we just don't have the money to chuck him out and stay in this house just me and Mum, so that's the plan. Am I weird? She could be around for another ten years!! Going to Mexico in Sept by the way, to Playacar Viva Wyndham Azteca, and if anyone's been there and didn't like it, I don't want to know cos its booked!! If you've been and liked it, you're allowed to say so!!
Love you all xxxx
Hi Freckles - funny, I was thinking about some people that I hadn't seen postings from in a long time and you were one (How about TP? Anyone heard from her? Or Face Reality?)
I always appreciated your up-front-ness and I wished that I had the guts to admit most of the things you post. Sorry to hear your HINO (husband in name only)is being such a BUTT. Does your Mom know what he has done, or as it sounds, continues to do? She may become your strongest supporter, in spite of her age and condition. Living in limbo is Hell - I hope that you find the answers to move forward.
Your posts have 'bothered' me... I hear you are living for the future and not in the moment. Let's face it and I intent to be trite.... but... what do we have for sure but the NOW???? I'll be happy when.... this and that happens.... there is NO guaranty that this and that will happen.....
I know it is not that easy.... but.... do something about your situation if this is what you want to do.... don't wait.... ok, you have tried.... he came back maybe by default maybe not...the point is you are together. Are you happy, is he happy?? Are you getting better or are you getting bitter?? Don't you think our Mother knows you are living a charade????
It pains me to see people just going thru the motion... Chris is right in asking you: "What's in it for you?"
Maybe, just maybe, I am getting to a point when I can actually look back at my life... being one of the oldest, or even the oldest on this board I have a clearer vision now of what is and is not....
When it is time for me to rock in my rocking chair I do not want to be the one who says "I could have..." I want to be the one who says: "I DID" !!!!
Yes, my Mum knows all about what he did. She sat with me as I cried my heart out. She also came to the hospital to see me after 3 suicide attempts. She knows alright, but she kind of buries her head in the sand a bit. She says 'he's back, which is what you wanted, so get on with it'. He isn't having an affair now. At least I don't think so!!! Once, when we were having a huge argument, he put his hands around my throat, I was so scared, I started acting like I was dying, couldn't think of anything else to make him stop, so I kind of rolled my eyes and went limp, Mum saw this and just told him to stop whereas I've have rung emergency. So, this is what I mean about her kind of not facing up to reality. I really think if I hadn't acted dead, if I'd tried to fight him, I could have ended up dead. Anyway, that stuff hasn't happened in over 2 years. Now, if he even looks like he's gonna get violent, I walk out the house - once in my underwear!! Not a pretty sight!! And headed for the neighbours house. I'd have gone in, too, and he knew it, and he backed right off.
Now, am I happy? Gee, I just don't know. I'm not even sure I know what happy is. I do things I enjoy, I laugh with workmates a lot. He is often really nice to me. He's really helpful with my work stuff and he does a lot of stuff with Mum when she's driving me nuts. But happy? I don't think I'll ever be really happy, like I was before.
I really can't change everything yet. It's a lot to do with finances, and also, even if I could afford to get another place with my Mum, he wouldn't be there for when she's driving me nuts! It's a huge circle! I feel like I'm using him until Mum's gone, and making the best of a bad deal until then, but I really don't care if I am using him. After all he put me through, he doesn't deserve copious amounts of loyalty from me.
God, I could go on forever! I think I'm ok. I have friends at work that know nearly everything, I can't tell them the suicide stuff because if my bosses found out they might think I was unstable, where, we all know I'm totally stable!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for listening you guys. Can't believe there's so many of the old faces still here. Wish everyone was 'fixed' and gone, but it's nice for me that you're still here xxxx
]. I remember you. You may remember me as Bart. 
