Amy I being crazy to think this will work?

I mean she lied to me for 2 ½ years when I found out, she started doing stuff to save the marriage. Then I find out she is still lying to me about him even though it doesn’t look like she was doing anything but talking with him.

Now she is working hard on the marriage again. She says she doesn’t hate him, says she feels sorry for him and thinks there is something wrong with him, low self esteem, mother never loved him. She thinks he’s got a wounded inner child thing going on. I think he is just a womanizing ass whole. By the way she said that was what drew her to him in the first place. She felt sorry for him. He was having marriage problems (most people do that go out on their wives) and she wanted to make him feel better.

I will stay if she stops with this guy but if this is another BS job I am gone and I would rather go now than go through any more of this crap again.

I still love my wife but she has broken something inside me that I will never get back. She had something from me that she has destroyed. It was something from me to her that she will never have again. I don’t even know how to describe it.

I wonder how many people who cheat on their spouses realize that they are loosing something so precious given to them by someone who truly loved them. They had it and just threw it away.

Howdy Mike,

Welcome. I read your other post also. I'm sorry you had to find us. As RedWolf said in her post to you: Rugged.

No you are not crazy for trying to make your marriage work. Hell you love this woman whom you have spent over 30 yrs with.

<<< She thinks he’s got a wounded inner child thing going on.>>>
Well its certainly not her job to "fix" him. What exactly is she trying to say? She was attracted to be "needed"? If so then she needs to figure out why.

Obviously you both have alot of work to do. I'm happy to see you are in MC. Her almost suicide attempt really concerns me. Is she in IC for that? Meds?

How is the relationship now between her and your sons? That is another realtionship(s) that will have to be repaired.

I also agree with the MC that her workplace is toxic. Its extremely inportant she has no contact with this jerk or his inner child.

I'm pasting a link for WS(her), its an ebook for her to download and read: http://www.aftertheaffair.net/

Are you committed to making it work? There is nothing wrong with setting a deadline...6 months...1 yr...and then re-evaluating where you both are in the marriage.

Make sure you take care of yourself Mike. If you are having trouble sleeping see a doc. Eat and stay physically active.

Once again welcome . You found a safe place here.

Regards,

Tex

Tex thanks for the info.

I will give the site to my wife.

You know I have often wondered about this need of my wife’s to go out with someone she feels sorry for or feels that she is doing a favor for. She told me she was that way before I met her too. I had asked her to go out with me cold turkey so it wasn’t that way with us. I think I will bring this up at our next session.

I know what you mean about they broke something inside of you and you cant quite describe it. For me, it is a combination of trust and spirit...innocense in the marriage...and that feeling of safety in the marriage...the future the two of you were to share until death do you part...who you thought this person was, who you gave your pure and unconditional love to. All of that is gone...all of that betrayed...lies upon lies. It hurts beyond words, beyond comprehension...

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think if the BS and the WS really wants to work things out and you are both willing to do the hard work necessary I think it can happen. The WS needs to look deep inside of themselves and figure out why they did what they did and work on fixing that, and having no contact with the OP are vital. You sound very level headed and you sound like a strong man who knows what he wants, and who loves his wife. So I dont think you're crazy at all.

Take Care,
Carol~