I finally came around reading the entire column of responses in “to Irene and other women hurt by porn addicts”. And I was really surprise of how many people were still trying to justify the porn, the toys and fantasy as long as it is within the boundaries set by the couple. Well, let me tell you something… I am a Christian woman, but I just became one two years ago. And before I became saved by the Lord I was as normal as most of you pretend to be. I watched porn movies with my H once in a while, got us some toys, fantasized about threesomes while we were making love and even went as far as having my H take pictures of us while having sex. Well guess what? When a man has a sex addiction, it doesn’t matter how liberal or opened minded his wife is, the addiction will escalate. It starts with one picture and it does moves on. Sex addict don’t have control over their crave for sex. They needed as they need food and water. It is part of their survival kit! My H hurt me and my family beyond imagination. And each time he got caught he denied it and when he saw no way out be felt embarrassed and ashamed, but he would do it again and again. This is a serious thing; many people get hurt with pornography including children. I don’t know how far my H got with the things he saw, but just think this, he now has to live with those images in his head for the rest of his life. Just like most of you and me will have to out of the account that we are “just normal”. My advised to anyone that has that kind of junk in their homes is to get rid of it as soon as possible before it becomes the thing that will control your home.

Hi Irene! Sorry your H is a porn addict. I don't have "junk" in my home. I have a very healthy sex life & am not ashamed that I enjoy sex with my H. I've never viewed a porn movie & don't want to,but I always love trying new things in the bedroom & have never been bored with my H. He has never had any complaints either. I am glad that you are a christian. I believe in God too but that doesn't mean I can't have a vibrator! If God didn't want me to enjoy sex than he shouldn't have made it feel so good. Sorry if I offended you but not everybody turns into a sex addict! Your H must have an addictive personality.I am sorry for that.

Howdy Irene,

I wasn't defending it either but I still see no problem if BOTH partners enjoy it and are honest about it. If one partner is using it as a substitute for their spouse, wanting things that are degrading to their partner, hiding it, or your sex life constantly needs outside stimuli then there is a big problem.

Whatever happens inside someone's bedroom is their business not mine. If they are both happy and satisfied then who am I to judge how they get there.

I think I understand where you are coming from though. What you thought was some added spice...your H was perhaps becoming addicted too. Some of us here have to deal with spouses with substance abuse problems(alcohol or drugs) so more than one of us here understand about addiction.

Addicts are experts at lying...first to themselves then to their spouses. Are you enabling the behavior if you don't know about it? That's a good question. Perhaps, I honestly don't know. If you DO know...you bet you are.

You can't stop it. Only the addict can do that. All you can do is remove yourself from the situation. You did the right thing. You didn't do anything wrong Irene, he lied like all addicts do.

Tex

Tobacco
Alcohol
Drugs
Work
Spending/shopping
Pornography
Sex
Gambling

---

This list is just some of the most common addictions.

People can become addicted to any of these things, and ruin their own lives and others. The problem isn't in the things themselves, in the existence of the things, or in the presence of the things.

The problem's in the addict. Let's keep the focus there.

Chris.

Good call Chris! You forgot food!

Irene,

First, let me say I'm sorry for the painful situations you have been through. I don't think any of us here are trying to justify behaviors that cause pain or the breakup of a marriage.

> I am a Christian woman, but I just became one two years ago.

I've been a Christian for at least 25 years. But, being Christian doesn't mean I'm perfect. I make many mistakes and continue to sin in many ways. That's just human nature. If it were any different, we wouldn't need to be "saved" in the first place...

> I was as normal as most of you pretend to be.

I don't know what "normal" is, so I can only base my opinions on my personal life.

Have a look at this web site:

http://www.gotquestions.org/sexually-allowed.html

It discusses what sexual activities the bible allows between a husband and wife. And yes, pornography is a forbidden activity. But, I'm sure we all violate many rules in the bible on a daily basis...

> When a man has a sex addiction,
> the addiction will escalate.

As Chris mentioned, that pretty much goes for any addiction.

Anything can be taken to extremes...

Take care,

Anthony

Anthony- love your post!

TLMM

"First, let me say I'm sorry for the painful situations you have been through. I don't think any of us here are trying to justify behaviors that cause pain or the breakup of a marriage."

Dido that

People take a lot of things too far.

My brother-in-law goes to church 5 or 6 times a week and they spend most every weekend doing church stuff at the same church. They have two girls that are now 23 and 26 years old. They both went to the same church for school too. Both girls still live at home and they are not going to collage because their parents do not think it is a good idea. One of the girls had a boyfriend once, someone from the same church. This boy was picked for her by both the boys and her parents, other than that neither of them have gone out with boys.

They both are working in a dentists office now and one of them told my wife that she was asked out by a couple men but she would not go out. She also said that she did not want her parents to pick who she was going to marry but I’ll bet she didn’t tell her farther that.

When the girls were young the church told the people to beat the devil out of their kids if they acted up, because it was satins way of trying to get them to go down the wrong path. The older one got most of this treatment, I think the they softened that position a little when the younger one came along. At least that’s what I heard. By the way, it’s the younger one that said that her parents weren’t going to pick who she married.

Anyway, People can take anything too far, even religion, so if your religious that’s great, I’m glad for you but please don’t compare people who aren’t religious as "I was as normal as most of you pretend to be" I don’t call my brother-in-law normal and a lot of "religious people" do very bad things and some of them do it in the name of one god or another.

God bless, you you pick which one

Mike

Regardless of what anyone's religious beliefs are we all need to be respectful of one another. Religious posts will be allowed on how it affects(helps or hinders) you personally, not other members.

We have members of all faiths here and a vast majority are BS, let's remember that.

The policy is there for a reason, to make people from all backgrounds feel safe.

Please refrain from making blanket statements.

Tex
(floating moderator)

Hi Tex! Thanks for floating around & taking care of all of us.Now, how are you at cookie baking? I have one more batch to do & don't think I will get to it until after christmas eve service(Unity church) tonite. My 18 yr. old & I go every x-mas eve. It's my only time to relax during the holidays. 'course the trick is not to set your hair on fire during the candlelighting towards the end of the service! Merry Christmas to you early!!!!!

Howdy Barb,

I tried helping bake cookies a few years back. Even the dogs wouldn't eat them.

I'd like to wish you and everyone here a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Tex