ever been there??? it's sickening...all those women (and men) supporting eachother as they wreck marriages and tear apart families...and they joke about it...GGRRrrr....I am so tempted to Troll there but try to convince myself I'm above that...
Don't bother looking as it will just upset you further. Just let the scum of our society go and have a laugh or two there. In the end we will be the ones laughing.
Obviously they have issues and I don't know how long term you can keep that up and still look in the mirror everyday and like who you see.
As far as TOW I will occasionally read their "Endings" Board. It reminds me all people are hurting in this mess. Obviously I wouldn't recommend reading there until you(or anyone else for that matter) are ready. I also wouldn't recommend Trolling there either. Their board serves a purpose for them as ours does for us. I wouldn't want them trolling here either. ADMIN are very good at finding trolls on most sites. Not to mention we wouldn't want a board war. They are not pleasant and help no one.
I do believe betrayed spouses are allowed to post on some of their boards. So if you do decide to post there, be yourself.
I think there are probably quite a few of us that when we first caught our spouse, we accidently ran into a few sites like the one you are talking about before we found a good one to post on that supported our morals and beliefs better than other sites. I read in one of those sites for a while and it didn't take me long (at all) to realize I wanted nothing to do with supporting something that was so hurtful to everyone. Most of it was just morbid curiousity of what made people do the things they do, just like I would read about some serial killer in the newspaper or (recently) the woman that shot her H while he was sleeping and he went to the hospital the next morning b/c the bleeding wouldn't stop - ughh. The curiosity tends to wear off real quick
Charlie
This message has been edited by charlie288 on Jan 3, 2006 12:09 AM
As awful as this experience is, I wouldn't wish theirs on my worst enemy.
I would rather be the betrayed partner. I would rather be interacting with the many people I've met on these forums over the last 6 years. I would rather be facing my recovery choices and making headway through all of this, than living inside the skin of an OW who has taken it upon herself to take up issue with the unknowing wife of a man she's having an affair with. This is often accompanied with vicious anger, obsession, and jealousy. I'd rather not be making secret dark decisions about what my husband knows about me and what he does not know (for the time being) which could bring him to the point of serving me divorce papers. I'd rather not be telling my children that I'm going out somewhere 'shopping'?? when I'm actually going out in pursuit of supposedly secret sex. I'd rather not be setting the stage for financial ruin for myself and family--as so many affairs eventually result in.
I have read a great deal on those sites in the past, enough to catch on to the culture. It's a culture that promotes deception. "Deny deny deny". Of course if you're going to promote something, you best believe in it. Become one with it.
The frequently used term 'quack quack' that I learned about in that culture is like binge eating out of someone else's refrigerator, and then bragging about your bloatedness.
On the subject of trolls. They disguise themselves as something they are not, invite themselves in where they don't belong, and cause trouble. They think they can hide from themselves behind their own disguise but that's impossible. Ever encounter a group of them hanging out on a forum together?
This message has been edited by Red--Wolf on Jan 3, 2006 9:31 AM This message has been edited by Red--Wolf on Jan 3, 2006 9:26 AM
Excuse my ignorance here...what is the OW site? I am unfamiliar with it. However, I don't want to embark on something that would be of further upset to me.
it is just that...the O. W. site...their support group...and when I read there I did surprisingly,(but maybe not) feel empathy toward a lot of them...and many gave really sound advise...but ther are those that minimize the hugeness of what they're partaking in.... and to respond to one of these responses, I did soon find the curiosity wore off, replaced with a sadness about the whole ball of wax...I also would rather be the BW (as I am), because their stress levels are bonkers...(they think it's adreniline)...also I see a lot of them setting themselves up for deeper hurt in the end then us......sigh...what a strange world.......could it be...that it's the Men who are the fucker-est of All??? ya think???
"could it be...that it's the Men who are the fucker-est of All??? ya think???"
Josy, we try to refrain from making blankets statements here - it is against our board policy. Believe me, after being on this site long enough, I've noticed that both men and women cheat, it has nothing to do with a certain sex.
Right. There are OW-bonkers and OM-bonkers due to living a life like that. It's gender blind. They say that with more women in the workforce, there are more women cheating these days but all those statistics are vague. Who's collecting the data and who's offering the truth?
Seriously though, it is sound advice to not read there or similar sites unless you're past the newbie phase. I did it on a different site for a specific reason, and for some specific information two years after d-day. It was still quite an education on how far people will go. The overall concensus was that they do not recommend doing what they do. Bottom line--the relationships they are in shake out pretty ill and they know it.
you're right about the gender thing...my deepest apologies...I seem to have been thinking in personal terms again...I would mean is it not the betrayING spouse that is the fucker-est...again, Sorry,,,, please forgive!!!
When people are in the early stages of hurt and anger, sometimes it is easy to feel angry at either the male or female population in general. I was likely feeling that way in the beginning as well. After posting here for years though, I've grown and realized how often it happens both ways. We're glad you found us and we do understand the feelings on both ends.
Hi all,
I'm new to this forum - will post my "story" soon. But this post called for a response from me.
The OW in my situation has a public online journal and I got obsessed with reading it every day - multiple times a day out of a combination of morbid curiosity and wanting to keep tabs on what she's doing.
Well, she tracked the ip hits to my place of work (she knows where I work) and left me a nasty message on the board acting like I'm a stalker. Of course, she didn't explain who I am or why I would be interested! At any rate, I was kind of glad that I got "caught" because I think it was really bad for me to be reading that - you know? In my case, she is permanently out of the picture, but it was still bad for me. It works against healing my marriage to focus on her and I think that's probably true for most of us.
Thanks to all for your posts and the courage to join this little community. I know I can use the support I find here. Sometimes the hardest thing about this is feeling so alone!
Blessings.
This message has been edited by texgirl36 on Jan 11, 2006 6:06 PM
Glad you've found us. You the stalker, huh? Increbible how often the OW or OM can make you (the betrayed) out to be the bad guy, isn't it? I think that does often happen b/c our own spouse talks bad about us to them. I mean, what OW/OM would want to cheat with someone who said their spouse was wonderful? LOL Hope you do share your story when you are up to it. Welcome.
The villain can easily flip into the victim and visa versa. If you are the victim, be careful not to do something that will change that role. Don't hand that over to the OP.
I noted in my case that the OW waited like a spider for that opportunity.
