Ian

I edited your post only to get the underlining out of it. It is sometimes hard to read when the whole post is underlined

Charlie


I know the forum description describes how folks are coping a year or more out, but I'm hoping ya'll will let me slide on less than a month.

I started posting at SI after my last post (below) as it gets alot of traffic, and in my pathetic needy state at the time, I was thirsting for alot of attention.

The last post I made here:

<a href="http://www.network54.com/Forum/375592/thread/1122329276/last-1122730825/Need+quick+feedback" target="_new" rel="nofollow<a/>

Well, it turns out she freaked about the post-nup as she was still involved with the prince. Which is kind of funny now, because on a previous thread here I had asked if I should be concerned about a visible lack of withdrawel on her part. You don't withdraw until you actually quit, so, yeah, I should of been concerned.

Anyhow, the withdrawel started in August, and she finally came clean to me with all the dirty details, honesty, and NC in September. Been riding a R rollercoaster ever since. I had also mentioned to Rob-5 at one time that I wondered if it would just be easier to walk away. I can answer that now, I think. The answer is 'yes.' But that doesn't necessarily mean I wish I had. I'm glad I didn't. Nothing worthwhile in life comes easy.

We had stopped marriage counseling when I realized that she was lying in there too. It wasn't doing a damn bit of good, in fact probably harming, as long as she continued to lie. She eventually stopped with the lying, and we have gone back to counseling. All in all, things in the marriage are improving. It's rough ride, and we may not make it through together, but if not, she can leave with her integrity and I can leave with my identity.

Which brings me to the personal aspects. Boy, do I feel better. I have never gone through a more devastating experience in my life. And I hope to never experience anything worse, as anything worse would be truly horrible. In those first few months, it was so bad that I essentially stopped producing at work. I am amazed that I managed to hold on to my job. In fact, did better than hold on to it. Had an annual review in Oct. They offered me a 5% raise. I asked for more and threatened to quit. They came through with 25%. Can't believe I pulled that one off after not doing anything all last summer.

As a newbie, ya'll kept repeating to me essentially the same thing: "What do YOU want?", "Take care of YOURSELF" etc... As a newbie, you often don't really hear that the first 100 or so times it is said. But it is right. And as a newbie, I needeed to hear it over and over again. I've never been so close to suicide in my life, and I think it is only a slight exageration to say that ya'll kept me alive in those first few weeks.

Thank you all so much.

Ian

Your right, as a newbie to this mess, you definitely can't or don't hear and understand things immediately. Some of this stuff is just hard to stomach initially. I guess you can call that a bit of the BS not really "getting it", huh?

It sounds like things are improving for you - I'm happy to hear that. I believe I remember you posting a while back but can't remember how long ago. Congrats on the raise, that is nothing but amazing when you are going through something so traumatic.

Charlie

I remember you Ian. You owe no explanations buddy. We seek the best shelter we can. We're not going anywhere and we're here when you need us.

Tex

Sorry about my over-liberal use of the underline. I thought I had previewed the post. Guess that's what I get for thinking.

Indeed, a BS does need to "get it." Took along time for me to "get it." I get that I'll survive, regardless of what happens. That life continues, that it will be what you make of it. That you do have some choice and control in your future. That you have to release your label of "victim" that you've placed on yourself.

Thing is, that was so, so difficult for me. In those early days, the shock and anxiety are unspeakable. It was really, really difficult to hear what y'all were saying to me. I guess that's why I had to hear it so many times, from so many people, on the web and in my life.

This is not to say that all is hunky-dory now. The depression is still there, but it's more of a run-of-the-mill-feeling-down kind of depression rather than the deep dark pit of despair. I'm still dealing w/ self-esteem, insecurity, self-worth issues. Difference is now, overall, I feel good about MYSELF and MY future.

Our marriage is still pretty rough though. In fact, kind of had a bad day today. She seems to be a bit confused as to why it is she is still thinking of divorcing couple times a week. Wants to go to a counselor to "figure this out." I guess I'm supposed to wait while she decides whether she is committed to our marriage or not. Whatever. Either way, I'll survive. But I know I won't tolerate a marriage that is threatened with divorce every few months. I don't want that, and what I want out of my life matters.

Thanks, tex, charlie, for your support now and in the past. I'd like to give a litte back. So, despite the underline incident, I really am pretty good with web technologies (it's my job after all, and they did give me raise. ) So, should y'all (I'm assuming you are mods) ever need any help with maintenance, programming, let me know, and I'd be glad to volunteer my services.

Ian-the-computer-whiz,

I'll keep that in mind.

That first year is indescribable. You can not understand it if you have not lived it.

I'm glad that you survived (literally) the first year. Congrats.

Ian it will be 4 years since d-day one for us on the 23rd of July, the first year was the worst by a long stretch..........things do get better and you will make it!
Hang in there and keep posting, you have a great support group here to be sure!

James