Has anyone else had this situation???? My husband slept w/ her only once and NOW she's says she's pregnant. He never took any precaution, so it could be true!!! Should I confront her because I can't get him to get to the bottom of this.. Any suggestions???
Yes, once could be possible... probable.... ?? methink not
Tell us a little more about you. SCNR, my H wanted me to believe it had happened "but just once".... until OW told me otherwise... he is 8 1/2 now - H and I are still together.
From what I've read on this subject the best thing is to get an attorney and have all communication with the OW go through your lawyer. Do NOT talk to this woman.
The laws are different depending in which state you live. Some states require she sue your H after the OC is born for a paternity test. Do some research on-line regarding your state and find an attorney who specializes in this area.
Once she knows you have your ducks in a row who knows...it might become a "false alarm".
Don't panic. Get prepared. I can't stress enough do NOT talk to her. If she calls refer her to your attorney.
Best of Luck.
Tex
Edited to add: to remove info.
This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Aug 22, 2006 7:19 PM This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Aug 22, 2006 6:56 PM
Kat, I have been married to H for over 16 years. He had short-lived affair (2 months) w/ a woman HE hired at work. They had sex only once (so he claims) on July 4... I discovered the A on July 25. She called him last week and told him she was pregnant and was approx 8 wks. He had NC w/ her up to that point. He asked for proof and she said she would get it. I'm an OB RN and did the math and sure enough the gestational dates are on the money. This OW is in the process of divorcing her H, so she claims that it isn't his... What a freakin mess. We have been happily married until now; have two sons and the kicker is we are almost finished an adoption of a baby girl ourselves. Will our life ever be back to normal.
I know it is best to get an atty, but I was just hoping for some suggestions from others about how they dealt w/ the WS. Although he says that he is on the fence about the OC; he knows he will be financially obligated to pay CS and MAY want to be involved w/ this child. I, on the other hand, want ABSOLUTELY NC w/ this child...We are currently in MC and my fear is that we are going to put alot of hard work and effort into reconciling our marraige and when this OC is born, I won't be able to handle it...
I may "burn in hell" for what I am about to write but so be it
OW is in the process of divorcing her H and may be 8 weeks pregnant by your H. According to what I know DNA can only be done once the child is born. Either way, this child may be fatherless (unless and until a man gets in OW's life).
My question is: what is OW's agenda in carrying this child to term ??
The timing maybe on the $$, dear, but until it is official none of the parties know who fathered this child - could be her H, could be your H, could be someone else....
I realise the above is not addressing the turmoil you are finding yourself in. In the mean time, try to work on healing yourself. Come and talk, rant, vent with us. Your H has some work to do to address the fact he had an affair - not only not with a peer, but with an employee....
Read all you can on this site and on DearPeggy.com
This journey has only begun ...
Wishing you peace
My story and travails are on the Member forum - at 2 different places -
There is NO way to know just who this child belongs to at this point. It could be her husband's also. Most WS continue to have sex with their spouses also. It could also be another man's. After all, she was already cheating on her own husband, there could be more than one.
Gad, this is horrible. Regardless, your H doesn't have to have any further contact with this woman. If and when this child is born, she will have to have DNA testing done. Most likely, she is looking for a man to support her and her own husband is leaving her. She KNOWS the dates there where together and then knows what to tell him for dates. I wouldn't believe a thing she says at this point. Wait for the proof.
Your H may claim that he wants to be a part of this child's life, etc. Well, anything to do with the Mother and supporting her pregnancy is NOT about the baby yet. He can deal with that once the child is born and proven to be his.
This is surely a complication. I've seen some others deal with this, like a step child. It still doesn't mean that the Other Woman has to be a part of your life. Visitation can be arranged without him being alone with her, etc.
I'm a nurse also and I am always amazed that adults do this kind of thing with no protection. For Pete's sake, he knows the facts of life, the risks for STD's and pregnancy! Since he admits no protection, I hope that you have made him go for a complete work up for STD's.
If the child ends up to be his, then he will have to deal with financial obligations. She can file with the State for child support and the state will pull him in for DNA. I know someone who found out about her H's affair 1 1/2 years before when a notice came in the mail from child support stating that he had been named as the Father. Well, after several terrible weeks, it turned out he wasn't, but they were still in agoney over the discovery of the Affair. (He wouldn't be the first to be pointed out and then found to NOT be the Father). It will be a real financial burden if he is the Father, the courts don't seem to care if he has another family already. If the OW doesn't file for several years and then comes back after him, they will collect back payments back to the birth.
This must be horible for you right now. This is hard enough to deal with without this hanging over your heads for the next 6-7 months.
There is an ongoing support thread for this at www.survivinginfidelity.com. When you get there click on "forums" and then "inspirations"....Look for the OC support thread. It is usually near the top since there are many there who deal with this....
I was in your shoes 17 years ago. We waited to have a paternity test after the child was born and of course, our worst nightmare was real. OW used this to be with my h, who had a horrible childhood, to keep the A going for a few more years. My h wanted to know his daughter and for her to know him. OW was ruthless and threatened to take the child far away if my h did not continue the A. It was ugly and sordid and very secretive until I probed enough to find out the truth. My h is lucky we are still together. Now he is not continuing the A, he sees his daughter and for a long time there was little to no contact with OW. Just this month we were between a rock and a hard place with some rental property that tenants just up and skipped out on. OW, conveniently, is seperated from her h and was needing a place cheaper than the one she was in to live in. H let her move in. I allowed it beyond better judgement, but I am 99.9% sure the A is in the past and taking her money is not the worse thing in the world.
Take it slow and easy. Nothing will be known until after the child is born. Your h needs to be clear about his feelings about knowing the child or not. If he does not want to, that is easiest, but I must say that a child's life should not be punished for his/her father's mistake and if your h feels he needs to be a part of this child's life, you might want to consider what the boundaries should be for this to happen. It can happen with strong boundaries. My boundaries were not strong enough at first. Now they are. We have joint custody, which made child support go away. It was easier to have the child live with us every other week and she seemed to adapt as well as any kid could to such a thing. There are no correct arrangements, and this child will suffer no matter what happens. You just all need to pick what you all can live with.
Good Luck,
jbean
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