NM and I went for groceries last night. We didn't want to go to the grocery store hungry so we went to a nearby resturant. NM recognized OM's car in the parking lot of the resturant. NM insisted that she couldn't go in. OM and W were probably in there together. We didn't stop, just pulled out of the parking lot and went to another resturant. I understand the need to avoid, I guess. I know I wouldn't be able to go in and just keep my mouth shut if I saw OM, even if he was with his W. Of course whatever I might say to OM then his wife might say to NM. But I'm getting the shits of having to "avoid" or keep an eye out for "them". I didn't do anything wrong.
This kind of thing just stirs it all up again and we were doing so well lately. Anyone else have to deal with this?
I felt like this every time I went somewhere after seperation.....only it wasn't OW that concerned me so much as my exH so I guess I can somehow relate.
To have to face the OM is for NM to have to face everything she has done all over again H2C. She would be face to face with the monster so to speak. I understand her need to avoid that kind of confrontation. Perhaps that is just her personality type - conflict avoider.
Now I feel much more free knowing my ex is 1800 miles away. I stopped checking parking lots and not going places when I saw a truck that I thought looked like my ex's. I used to even avoid places if I saw a truck that looked like one of our friends vehicles. I just don't want to have to deal with that stress.
But I also see your point. You didn't do anything wrong so why shouldn't you be able to go anywhere you damn well please! Except it makes your wife uncomfortable......
I don't know what the solution is. Just know that I have been there and it truly does suck and I am sorry this brought up so many bad feelings.
One of the many reasons why I admire my W so much is that she had to "face the monster" 5 days a week for over 5 YEARS after D-Day.
It was a bigger relief to her than it was for me the day he was fired from that place. The only time I had to look at his monkey face was at the annual Christmas party or if I happened to see him while meeting my W for lunch at her work.
Cory
www.blind-justice-self-defense.com
The Three Rules of Happiness: Friends, Freedom and an Analyzed Life - Epicurus
I guess in some ways I was lucky. My H's A happened in Florida - a 1,000 miles away. However, we're planning a trip there for the holidays. It will be the first time I've been there since D-day. I'm so afraid of running into the OW. I honestly don't know how I would react. A few months ago I probably would have wanted to attack her, but I'm in a better place now. It's interesting though - my H hasn't expressed any concern about a possible run in. I wonder what that means?
H2C, how long since D-day for you? How are you feeling?
This message has been edited by chrisy55 on Nov 19, 2006 5:24 AM This message has been edited by chrisy55 on Nov 19, 2006 5:19 AM
The X lives not far from here. His affair person 'The Cow' as he called her for 4 years after d-day (until he resumed his alcohol enabling affair and began calling her 'A doll'), also lives in this city. She goes to his apt at least weekly. It dawned on me at some point that my son (who refuses to ever meet her) shares a bathroom there with 'The Cow Doll'. He is at his father's on the weekends usually. She would possibly have access to my son's bedroom!!!! Her food in the frig.
After all the colossal nightmare, she worms in, and that alone is pretty revolting to this day. The only good thing is that I was awarded full custody. My son refuses any involvement and if his father ever tried to shove 'The Doll Cow' on him, he'd be here full-time all the time.
At some point in time H2C, I decided that if I ever see her/them, I will not likely say a thing. It's possible that I would look 'that way' long enough to see the body reaction(s), then turn and walk away.
~~Next time I'll already be gone~~
This message has been edited by Red--Wolf on Nov 20, 2006 6:10 AM
I have not had the misfortune of running into OW, but I would like to think that I would behave like a lady. However, deep down inside I would want to run her over with my car!
I have had the misfortune of being told by a sales woman in our local waterbed store that my H purchased a waterbed for OW. That was very humiliating to say the least. When I confronted my H he lied through his teeth and right to my face..."The sales lady must have been mistaken". No, I am the one who made the mistake! The mistake of marrying a cheating liar!
Carol~
This message has been edited by pizzalady on Nov 19, 2006 10:05 PM
As a few of you know, I live in a town of 5000, the OM was my (EX) best friend and fishing buddy. We have the largest lake in the state 9 miles north of me, although its currently only 20% full.
I see the OM, his wife, their vehicles, his boat, or him on while driving at a minimum a couple of times a week. As for confronting or speaking, I would rather drink pond slime.
It's actually starting to take on a humorous aspect, my wife is hands down better looking and has ten times the personality than his. (not making excuses but this may explain his at least 4 affairs on her, and she has had a couple on him)
As I was saying its almost funny, we try to avoid going into places if we see their vehicles, but if we do wind up in the grocery store at the same time, she almost runs to avoid us, and he is usually in tow. Additonally she is now working at a store as a cashier, sometimes when we absolutely need something we go in and she sees us and takes a "break" almost immedieately and hides in the break room.
Yeah, some days seeing him makes me ill, but for the most part I just feign indifference and let it go at that. Personally, I want to water the flowers on his grave with onboard equipment. Meaning I ain't gonna carry any water with me, just in me.
""""I think you both should just be honest with yourselves. At your advanced ages, you shouldn't even be buying green bananas... """"
You know I live on the edge, Cory. I still buy a bunch of green bananas with the ripe ones but I think about what you said every time. Thanks for that.
Ummm....the green bananas I am not going to touch, to much imagery.
As for advanced age....Ok somedays I look eighty, feel like 120, and most days act like I am 14, (that being typical for most males...according to my mother who was married to my dad for 49 years before he passed away)
So, I will believe my mother and claim to be perpetually 14...can't wait till I am 21 and old enough to drink legally. Sunshine buys my booze for me so I can blame a few to many on her.
Cory...bet you didn't know you were serving a minor alcohol when we came to your house....
Dave
This message has been edited by OleMarbleEyes on Jan 9, 2007 10:56 AM This message has been edited by OleMarbleEyes on Jan 9, 2007 10:55 AM
Holy Crap! Now I know what they mean when they say that we are wise beyond our years. Because, we are only 14. Of course you realize, Dave, if we are only 14 then that would make Cory extremely imature. Just pointing out the obvious.
With the OM in Indiana, my WS in our house in Oklahoma, and me in North Carolina due to work, there is not much chance of an accidental run-in. Their trysts take place either in Dallas or Indiana. I don’t even know his real name so I couldn’t look him up even if I did want to have a little “cathartic chat” with him. D-day was right before Christmas and my W is in heavy avoidance mode – which is really easy for her to accomplish with us this far apart. The one time my wife did talk about it she was more interested in telling me how bad the OM’s ex-wife was than answering any questions I might have. ??? I don’t care how overbearing or frigid his ex was. That's his bad luck but it doesn’t give him a right to prey on married women – especially under the guise of therapeutic advisor. Again, just my opinion.
H2C....I have to agree about Cory, heck he hasn't even grown his hair, I got a 4 month old nephew that has a full head of hair. Besides, Cory likes to play dress up (in dresses and he uses Mardi Gras as an excuse)
Kat...10 foot pole huh? Not going to touch that one either.
On the serious side, Smrsh, have to totally agree with you about your OM, he is pond scum. As for the place your wife is in, it takes time. TIME...until four years ago I would not have considered it a "four" letter word that was bad. How I learned to hate that word.
Another thing H2C...Thanks for putting our wisdom in perspective.....
