I just noticed this thread! Thanks Carol! Well, as I posted on the Open forum last nite, things are o.k. I am more focused on the financial mess & am finding impowerment in that.It's going to be a long haul but am already working on paying on one charge card that had gone to collections a long time ago.I have lots of medical bills & 2 big credit card debts to pay off but all I can do is try.My daycare is really busy right now but I don't get more than 5 hours of sleep a nite.Terry & I have been seperated since January.He goes to counciling every week.It seems to be doing him some good.I know that we have to stay apart while he goes thru counciling & tries to figure out why he had the affair & why he has lied so much the last 3 years, but I am not patient when it comes to waiting.It's me being immature but at least I know it's one of my weaknesses.I just feel that he took my happy life & tore it apart 3 years ago & now I am waiting for him to get thru counciling so that maybe we can start to work on a relationship.I guess I'm feeling like the victim."Poor me" waiting for him to get it together so that I can have a half-way normal life again.I am doing better though.I paid most of Feb. rent & am putting some money away in case he lets me down again.I hate the fact that he doesn't have a decent job.I now take 1 or 2 days off a month for either myself or the kids & I. A few sundays ago Travis, Darby & I went to OMSI(Oregon Museum of Science & Industry).They have a special exhibit on the Amazon.It was pretty good.This summer they are doing a special exhibit on the human body.It has all real body parts.I bought a year membership & for the whole family it only cost$6o since we live more than 100 miles from the museum.So, good deal! This friday I am taking the day off to go see Lonestar at one of the casinos at the coast.I arranged for Terry to make sure that the kids get home safely from school.
I told Terry that I am planning on taking a week off in Sept to go to Tucson.Haven't had a real vacation, other than a quick 2 day trip to Tacoma WA, for 19 years.I miss being on an airplane. Love to fly. Anyway, Terry said that we'd talk about it later.I thought to myself that there's nothing to talk about.He should be able to deal with the kids for a week.I am being nice enough to schedule it for when the kids are back in school.All he will have to do is get them off to school & make sure they get home o.k. Darby is almost 12 & Travis will be 11 in August.He'll just have to change his work schedule alittle bit for that week.They do really well by themselves.I had to take all day childcare classes a few hours away several weekends ago & they were by themselves all day.I called them several times when I had a break & Terry checked in on them too.So, I am trying not to feel guilty about wanting a vacation.I do feel guilty though.I feel guilty about closing the daycare for a week even though I will give the parents notice by April.I also feel guilty that I can't afford to take my 4 kids with me.They have never had a vacation either.BUT I keep arguing with myself & telling myself that after the last 3 years of hell I need to get away.I can't wait to hike Sabino Canyon in Tucson.I use to hike it everyday when I lived there.It was also the place where I would sit & write poetry.It will be wonderful to see the desert again.It's where I belong.Anyway, sorry to go on & on!I guess I am feeling stronger until I talk to him on the phone or see him.Then I really miss him more.I just need to be patient & give him the time to get thru counciling.He says that he loves me & that he wants to spend his life with the kids & I.He just needs to figure out why he did what he did.I am not good at waiting.LOL!
