Today is the sixth month anniversary of my D-day.My husband and I are still together. I have episodes of going through pain from his affair less and less.Ive come to believe that I'm powerless over anyone's actions.I can't change him he has to be willing to change himself.I had to accept he wasn't the person I thought he was and that he was capable of having an affair. I struggled wih the acceptance because I wanted to hold to the belief of who I thought he was.I'm no longer holding on to any delusions about him.I've let him know I'm healing at my own pace.I had to also realize that although he gave me the pain he can't take it away. Only a power greater than he or I can do that.Ive turned my will and my life over to to my higher power and asked him to take my will and my life and guide through my recovery in all areas of my life.I haven't made a final decision to end the relationship because I do see evidence of change and were both more open and communicate our feelings good and bad everyday.I also realize this was not a test or something that my higher power gave me, this was life and only my higher power can get me to the place where I'm no longer in pain.Whenever I'm angry or feel sad and need to cry I do so. I also pray and the pain and the tears don't last as long as they used to.I've also grown because of this I'm a vocal advocate for myself in the relationship, setting boundaries and communicating what is and what isn't acceptable by both of us in a marriage.That's it for now god bless all of you.