First person to use Hallmark Cards (tm) sentiments or that quote from 1Corinthians 13 ("love is patient and kind...") gets a boot. And Red Wolf is right. We need picture capability so the moderators can award boots and toothbrushes and swing might 2x4's.
Well, folks, how do you know? I can think of any number of (formerly) popular songs where the question is asked, so it's obviously on the minds of poets and arteeests.
I honestly don't know any more. All I can say is that if I weren't still married and was looking for new love, I would search out every aspect of that new person's childhood before I allowed myself to go that far. I think I personally have the skills, subtlely of course, to find out what I'd need to know. If I discovered that that person had a confusing or disfunctional childhood, I'd be moving on down the road, Jack. Selfish on my part, yes I know, but I couldn't take a chance on going through this hurt again.
I would have to satisfy this prerequisite before I would have any idea if love with a certain person could be real or lasting. I've often thought about developing a questionnaire, something like you would need to get into MIT or OCS only childhood/family oriented. Would that be subtle?
I think I am looking for one of two personality traits: a fighter or a quitter. A tweener won't cut it.
A fighter will hang in there, find a way. A quitter will walk at the first hint of trouble. Either way, you know who you're dealing with. A fighter puts love for others above everything. A quitter puts love of self above everything. And both are okay with me now, I think. "This ain't workin', let's fix it" or "this ain't workin', I'm outta here".
But another someone who can't make up her mind and/or answer the question "what do you want (from me)" is a fate worse than death to me.
You don't... not really cause love when alive evolves. It is not a static concept. It needs to be nurtured, cultivated like a rare flower and sometimes it dies from lack of care.
Evidently it is a question which has plague humankind for ever...
And this is assuming the kind of love you are wondering about, Chris, is love between (potential) mates. There is no guaranty, none what so ever, nada.... zilch lol.
I have been 'in love' many times and loved just a very few. And sometimes love is not enough...
"I would search out every aspect of that new person's childhood before I allowed myself to go that far."
I could not agree with you more! My ex had a dysfunctional childhood and so many others' ex spouses have here too. I think that is at the foundation of every great marriage - two people that had functional childhoods -JMHO. I know there are those who have had dysfunctional childhoods and probably have gotten help and analyzed what was going on and helped themselves but there are far too many who can not or will not do that.
Charlie
This message has been edited by hurt288 on Dec 30, 2004 11:21 PM
I understand love to be wishing God's best for someone, and choosing to help that "best" come about when you have the opportunity and wherewithall to do so.
And whatever "God's best" may be is an interesting idea.
I also think that you can't love another well until you love yourself.
You can't know. Ever. That is why the question will forever be asked. It doesn't matter if the person's childhood was perfect, it doesn't matter if their whole life has been perfect. Things change, people change and we change. We can only strive to love ourselves and love others the way that we would like to be loved. So it will forever be chance. If we don't take the risk then what do we have? Nothing. Yes we can try to find well adjusted people and we can try to be well adjusted people ourselves and we can do everything in the world to protect ourselves from being hurt again. In the end no matter what we do we can never know if it was real or lasting until we are able to look back and say yes this was real and it lasted.
Sorry, but I think that is a dumb question. Aren't we all here here because we got married believing love could last and then found out it is a moment to moment thing. It is dependant on another and another could decide at any moment to not love and to do horrible things to the person they said they loved. Or we ourselves, could make that same decision. Isn't it obvious that it is a very illusive thing. Don't get me wrong it is a good thing, but it either exists in the present or it is destroyed at any moment. No one told me that. Never got the owner's manual on it, but that is what it should say. Love is real when it is real and it is not real or lasting when it is not real or lasting. It could last a whole life-time, or just one day. No guarantees on love.
jbean
jbean, those of us who are "thinkers" primarily come at this Q from a whole different angle. I completely agree with what you've said above, but it has taken me the most part of 45 years to develop the understanding and the comfort level with letting my feelings run instead of trying to manage them. Emotional maturity, I suppose it is.
Guess I am not much of a thinker because I don't even know if I offended you. For that matter, I am not sure if you did or didn't offend me. If I did, I apologize. If you did, no matter. Just wanted my opinion down for the record. Do with it as you wish.
jbean
This message has been edited by jbean on Jan 1, 2005 5:17 PM
Current Topic - How do you know love is real or lasting?
