I saw him this morning with her, the OW. He said he was leaving to find himself he said he was leaving to be alone. It was all lies all over again more lies. I was heading for work this morning with son when he drove past us with OW in the van. Son was on his way to a University interview we both saw the van and son put his hand on my sholder silent support then we both saw her sat alongside him. Son looked at me like he was going to vomit. So GF is contacted she is devestated she knew nothing. I am strung out all over again. Why more lies?
So I ring him he is nasty and rude, I force myself to be reasonable and say is there an explanation for her being in the van this morning, he says she is working for his partner - my next door neighbour and has been for some time now and it is convienient for H to collect her and bring her over to our side of the city. I asked if it would not have been reasonable to have been told so as to pave the way for the kids who are looking at me now for answers he says I have not made myself easily available (there are at least 5 ways he could contact me if he wanted to not least my mobile). I ask if it is back on again between the two and he says whether it is or it is not is not really relevant to me, I say to him I am not going to get into a fight with you love, (the word slipped out) just tell me the truth is it back on between you both again he says we have spent some time together yes, I say ok thanks I will tell the kids. I hang up.
I had a conversation yesterday with neighbour's wife who said nothing, perhaps she does not know, but perhaps she does.
I am spinning once more I can not believe that I am being told more lies, the way H phrased the statement he had contact with her could easily mean nothing more than he has picked her up a couple of times or it could mean more he was being deliberatly hurtful and vauge. I am so sick of his mind games. I am just sick inside myself. I just want to run away and there is no where I can go.
Jean

(((((Jean))))

Nothing I can say, but at least you know it was nothing you did or said...it is all about him.

pat

I'm very sorry, Jeannie. Your children don't deserve this. Nor do you.

As you say - now you know, but truth can be very cruel.

Pat's right. "It is all about him, now". A man who hurts is own children has lost his way.

Wishing you the best,

Q

Pat,
thanks so much for the hugs, I really, really needed them so very much this morning. I guess I have had my second d-day!
So much has gone on and so much has hurt us all. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.
I used to have nighmares years ago, before I met H. I would wake from half sleep terrorised by the thoughts of death, mine or those of the people I love. Once I was settled with H all those years ago they stopped. They started up agan last year but stopped again when we were rebuilding. They started again a couple of nights ago, now they are worse because they come to me three and four times a night and now if I drop off sat in the chair (from exhaustion mostly) they come to me again. My Anxiety I suppose. I never thought I would be so afraid of life and living but it seems right now I am.
Quinn, Thank you to you also for responding. I can almost see you shaking your head in wonder at how he can hurt his kids so much, and anyone else he has to go through to get to hurt me. When the menfolk on these boards like yourself and Chris respond it helps me so much, it kind of reminds me that there are some nice guys out there who do care,who do sadly, know about this hurt. I am coming to believe that any future relationship I might have will most likely only work if it is with someone who does know all about this, maybe some once sad male soul who has been through this dreadful trauma also.
I take courage from Charlie and her happiness, I pray that we all find something like that too, when we are ready.
Right now I just feel old, used, worn out and tossed aside, no prospects for the future and very little to offer anyone. Except baggage, emotional baggage. Welcome to my pity party!
Jean UK

JeanUK-

3 entries found for pity.
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Main Entry: 1pity
Pronunciation: 'pi-tE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural pit·ies
Etymology: Middle English pite, from Old French pité, from Latin pietat-, pietas piety, pity, from pius pious
1 a : sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy

After what you have just gone through, you are entitled to feel whatever you want or need.

Pity is OK. It isn't a negative feeling, it is a human feeling and I think we have all felt it.

Just remember that no matter what God-awful choice your H made, you are worth more than his mistakes.

Healing hugs.

TLMM

Jean

"I take courage from Charlie and her happiness, I pray that we all find something like that too, when we are ready."

Thanks, and I pray that it happens for you and everyone else here too (the single ones :>) I thank God every day that I have met this guy. Not sure why or how it happened so quickly but we are a great pair together.

Smiles!
Charlie

>>Right now I just feel old, used, worn out and tossed aside, no prospects for the future and very little to offer anyone. Except baggage, emotional baggage. Welcome to my pity party!<<

You are definitely not alone in this.

Even if all that you wrote is a realistic assessment of where we are, we don't have to be stuck there, do we? (And I really mean "we"; I'm there too.)

Jean, the hardest part of this is "unwiring the hot buttons". That may be an overly Yank way of saying that it is difficult to stop caring...which allows the person we care about to abuse us as long as we still care.

I'm with Q regarding your H's mistreatment of his children, and his abuse of you in front of them. It's simply reprehensible.

It is quite easy to say, "Jean, you must take away his power to hurt you". I know from experience that is what must be done, and I also know from experience that it takes what seems like forever.

What helps is having people who understand it.

Chris.