I am new at this. I recently found out that my husband of five months (boyfriend of six years) was having an affair that started before our mariage. He lived a double life the whole time and the other woman had no idea that I existed. It is a long story, but basically we have filed for divorce, he has moved out, we are selling our condo and he is already back with her. He met her online and began a relationship with her. There were and may still be other women as well, but none as serious as this other woman. I am hurt and I do not exactly know how to cope. I am angry, sad, confused and left with a lot of emptiness and unanswered questions. During the short marriage he was supposedly working out of town on his music (he is an engineer), but he was mostly with her. He even spent Christmas and New Years with her when I thought he was working (this is when I became suspicious). He also spent our wedding reception on the phone with her as I found out by his phone records. So it is a lot to take in that my whole marriage was a lie and I have to pick up the pieces and move on. Thank goodness we did not have any kids, but I am still so hurt by this. I do not know how I will ever trust again. Maybe talking to others in the same situation will help, because so far nothing else has.
I'm sorry you find yourself here, but it is a place where people understand your experience, your feelings, your shock, and the sensation of being lost and adrift.
Keep writing to us. You will find some validation, support, and even some comfort in the words of others.
Regardless of the length of relationship, it's a shock, and it leaves unanswered questions; when the marriage ends, it leaves lots of bad feelings. My wife admitted to a relatively short affair (a few months) after 15 years of marriage and two kids...but I was left wondering, was this the only one, or just the only one I caught? Were my kids really mine?
I'm glad you found us. This is a helpful place. (Read the members' stories on the "Members" board so you can see where some of us are coming from.)
Thanks for your response, I will check out the members page. It sounds strange, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone! I do not wish this kind of pain on anyone, but I guess as they say "misery loves company". I am sure reading about other experiences will help.
Julie, I learned a lot from most of the members of this site. I didn't find this site's predecessor until I'd been dealing with it for two years on my own, and finding Cory and Quinn and RedWolf online was a lifesaver.
There are lots of good-hearted people here who can help in lots of ways, sometimes in ways they don't even imagine. Several years ago now, one person in particular taught me the most important lesson of my life and it has served me very well since.
It is good that you don't have to go through this and care for children. Also, you are fortunate to have found this out as early as you did---five months into the marriage. Years could have ticked by.
He obvioulsy has a highly compartmentalized life-style well established, and the pattern is entrenched in his mind. This may never change. Just the women will change.
I divorced a man like this. He's currently seeing the OW, and that started back in 1998. He did this same thing in his previous marriage.
He drinks.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make a prediction for them. The OW knows she caught herself a cheat, a liar, and an active alcoholic. (Her X was a recovered alcoholic for 17 years).
