Thanks for all of your previous replies in my last thread. It gives me great comfort to read them. I feel right now that things are getting harder to deal with. Maybe it is because the shock is wearing off and reality is setting in. I am currently on March Break (I am a teacher in Canada) and I have time to think. I also saw my ex's car in the OW's driveway when I went to visit my best friend who lives in the same city as the OW. He continues to lie and I hate having to deal with him, but selling the condo and working through all of the specifics takes so much work. Especially because he is "so busy with work", really the OW, and he is putting in no effort to get this condo sold (he is not living here). I feel like my friends don't really understand although they try, and the little family I have does not really know how to relate. I really hope that things do get easier, but I know that the shock does have to wear off eventually and reality will have to set in.
I know that somewhere there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but obviously I will not get to it fast enough!
Thanks again for all of your replies.
Maybe one day I will be able to help someone else!
I am sure that you will find a way to help the next person behind you, by sharing your story and the lessons you learn. Or, perhaps, if it better suits your personality, you may give "aid and comfort" to someone who is in his or her own crisis of discovery or crisis of separation. Or both.
In fact, Julie, I'm counting on it. It's what makes this place valuable to us all.
I do hope to be of help to others...maybe it is the teacher in me, but maybe it is just in my nature..I hope that I can give "aid and comfort" if not anything else!
"There is a light at the end of this long dark tunnel"
-I know I can't see it, but it is nice to know that there is one to walk towards.
"Maybe one day Julie will be one of our moderators or administrators. You never know. The pay isn't great, but the recovery is."
-You never know what life holds in store for you..helping others is a gift more valualble than anything else! I am looking forward to the recovery part...but then again, I guess I am already on the road of recovery, a long one I know, but a great one I'm sure.
Thanks for the responses.
Julie
The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.
- Helen Keller
Julie said >>I hate having to deal with him, but selling the condo and working through all of the specifics takes so much work. Especially because he is "so busy with work", really the OW, and he is putting in no effort to get this condo sold (he is not living here). <<
I am completely with you on this point. It is the exact same thing for me. My H is lost in the fog and back with the OW. I have been left with the whole package to 'dispose' of. He has literally picked up his clothes and walked out. He wants stuff from the house but only when it is convienient for him to remove it. I stopped that by changing locks.
I am left to dismantle everything. Do the repairs and the tidy up on the house to sell, show folks around, issue the divorce proceeedings, (if he has his way pay for it as well), soothe the kids, feed the kids, pay the bills - he still pays the mortgage but even that is automatic through the bank! i.e. no effort or thought required. It is not easy at all. I swing from feeling so desperate and inconsolable to boiling rage at his dismissal of the real world and how it works. However, I am also comforted that he is 'classic' in his behaviour in an affair, that knowledge helps me, as knowledge is power. The folks here are teaching me to find a way through this, before I got here I did not believe there was a way through but there is, each day I draw a breathe in and out and slowly I am finding it.
May you find your way too Julie.
Jean UK
"I am left to dismantle everything. Do the repairs and the tidy up on the house to sell, show folks around, issue the divorce proceeedings, (if he has his way pay for it as well), soothe the kids, feed the kids, pay the bills - he still pays the mortgage but even that is automatic through the bank! i.e. no effort or thought required. It is not easy at all. I swing from feeling so desperate and inconsolable to boiling rage at his dismissal of the real world and how it works"
Jean
I know what you mean. I also had to show the house, keep it clean, and do most of the leg work.
I do find comfort in the fact that once he got his own place he now had to keep it clean, when he has the kids, he has to do everything like making meals and baths and homework (when I give him some), he also has to pay all his own bills, take care of his own car, and maintain his own house including painting and stuff like that. I had an H who rarely did any of that stuff himself because he was gone all the time. I think he has gotten a rude awakening :>)
Me? I am now living in my own condo. I am still doing all the things I've always done. Ex even asked me some checkbook questions when he first started doing it himself and also asked about buying a new home b/c I had always done most of the work.
