And you know what I left the solicitors office with a spring in my step. How the hell have I gotten to this point in my life?
That I can actually feel some elation at the prospect of a divorce? Then I caught sight of myself in the shop windows of Borders and I looked at me. Really looked. For the first time in a long while I liked what I saw looking back. I like me. It is not about me. It never was. It really is all about him. I started to laugh out loud and people looked at me in that odd 'ugh oh! its a nutter way,' and walked around me on the pavement. I just smiled at them and said to myself (not a complete out of control extrovert!) He does not even own the bed he is sleeping in with her, and I intend to keep it that way!
To add to the humor I decided to celebrate with a cake from Betty's tearooms (you yanks go look it up - every yank coming to York wants to have tea at Betty's LOL)The place is busy as ever, so I go up to the counter and still smiling I intend to ask for a Fat Rascal a kind of fruit and cherry spicy scone type thing and instead I smile politely and ask unthinkingly for a FAT BASTARD! (hope I have not offended anyone.)
Yes I am having a better day!
Jean UK

>>and ask unthinkingly for a FAT BASTARD!<<

"Get in my belly! Fat Rascal - it's the other, other white ... scone!"

(How does a mench from Toronto like Mike Meyers get a Glaswegian accent down so well?)

>>How the hell have I gotten to this point in my life? That I can actually feel some elation at the prospect of a divorce?<<

It's a long way from where we start to where we end up, isn't it? I'm not hopeful that I'll figure out how it happens any time soon.

I've never been to Betty's or to York but I could murder a scone and a cuppa right about now.

Sometimes, I forget that in the rest of the world, we're all "Yanks" whether we're from New England or not.

In any case, I'm glad you're making progress, jeannie. So what happens now? Is there a waiting period before you can begin mediating or preparing for court?

...that you weren't at a bar...

If you asked for a Fat Bastard...you would have had a nice French Shiraz poured for you.

Quinn
What happens now, is a good question. So much for H saying this is what he wants and that he is getting his 'people' to do this and 'telling' them he wants the other, as of yesterday his 'people' were still to confirm they are his people!
I did decide to file and name her as the OW which is twisted but I want my pound of flesh at this point. It may be that the court orders her name removed from the petition, I can live with that, if it has to be. I was particularly delighted to learn I can sue both him and her for my costs. That tickled me. I may not get them but the threat of it will send her in a spin she lives on benefits! (when she has not abandoned her kids and gone around H's place) It is also I think a kind of cold shower on them both, a shot of reality hitting home.
I came home with a huge pile of paperwork to complete. Mainly to specify the arrangements for the children although only daughter applies as son is 19. It is a little daunting to have to try to explain to a third party my plans/arrangements for my kids almost like I have to justify my parenting role and how seriously I take those responsibilities. I looked them over last night and one question stuck out about the children's contact agreements/arrangements with the 'other' parent. That left me at a complete loss. What do I put in that box/space. It has been 5 weeks since he left and thus far he has made no contact with either of the kids, I have had snotty calls and texts but nothing in relation to the kids.
Daughter is adamant she wants no contact with him at all. She is only 11 but she is pretty 'switched on' she knows her own mind, but ultimately I am sure she will change it. So long as she continues to want no contact I will defend that right for her. I suppose I will end up in some sort of mediation to discuss contact in the end.
I am hopeful that it will all progress smoothly. He says the divorce is what he wants so as long as he is prepared to admit the adultery it will go ahead smoothly, if he refuses to admit it I can file again on behavior grounds. I have enough domestic abuse evidence - nothing violent, all mind games stuff and lies etc, and also cite his inappropriate relationship with two woman. The first being his internet sessions with a woman customer of ours, and the meeting they had. Nothing did happen when they met, but it will be interesting to learn what current OW would make of the evidence I would supply. It certainly reads like they have been up to all sorts rather than the fantasy talk they really had. OW never believed there was anyone else, she and H are so in love, and have such a real romance going on. (sorry did you hear me snort there!)
So all in all, I have done all I can, save return the papers and of course pay the court fees.
Watch this space, no doubt I will have lots to vent about in the coming weeks and months and I am bracing myself for oh so much angst!

I don't usualy refer to Americans as Yanks, although my Dad still likes to quote the WWII rhetoric - Over paid over sexed and over here! LOL

Oh and you should come to York, and eat at Betty's you will need to arrange the second mortgage first but I am told it is worth it. I can only afford the fat rascals at £1.25 each you get the idea of the prices!

>>I came home with a huge pile of paperwork to complete<<

Tell me about it. Lawyers live and die by their paperwork, don't they? Sometimes it feels as though I've spent the last two years filling out forms. I've had four or five lawyers now (I've lost track) and every one of them had their own special set of forms. Same information. Different forms. I guess they have trouble reading each others. Which tells you something. I guess I shouldn't talk shitty about them; my cousin practices family law in Bristol.

>>Mainly to specify the arrangements for the children although only daughter applies as son is 19. It is a little daunting to have to try to explain to a third party my plans/arrangements for my kids almost like I have to justify my parenting role and how seriously I take those responsibilities.<<

Just the facks, ma'am. If they've been living with you and he hasn't had any contact in 5 weeks, that should make those questions easier to answer.

>>I looked them over last night and one question stuck out about the children's contact agreements/arrangements with the 'other' parent. That left me at a complete loss. What do I put in that box/space<<

Even when I was asking for full custody (when X was still pounding back el vino blanco) I was willing to agree to liberal visitation, mainly because that's what the kids said they wanted but partly because I had read somewhere that courts look favorably on a custodial parent who is willing to help to maintain the relationships between the kids and the non-custodial parent.

>>I suppose I will end up in some sort of mediation to discuss contact in the end<<

My lawyers were pretty good about explaining how that would unfold. Yours will be too, I bet.

>>So much for H saying this is what he wants<<

It takes awhile for the reality to sink in. It sure does.

 

(edited but I'm not telling how or why)

My small amount of knowledge from 10 years with the employment service is making me think, 'lets get her big time'. I bet she's claiming single person benefits.... Maybe a phone call to the 'benefit cheats hotline' would be in order here. Just to protect those benefits that we all pay into, and to make sure they go to the people who deserve them??? Nasty, but could be extremely satisfying, if you know what benefits she's getting. Let me know!!!