Who would be able to distance and completely separate themselves from all the different individual people here on these forums enough to lump us all into one big entity of 'THEYs'?

Also, who would be able to pass harsh judgement on all who struggle and interact here, and label everyone as 'NUTS'?

Who is that person?

My philandering (x) husband never liked it that I was interacting on these forums.

But he created them.

RW

Mine didn't like me being on here either although he never said you all were nuts or nutters. LOL I have to admit that like Sandy, I also got on more often when he wasn't around but I didn't hide it entirely. It was his way of controlling me. He was afraid that I might get a smart idea to leave him when (at first anyway) he was trying to keep our marriage - at least that is what I think :>)

Charlie

Yes. I remember the control....after the cheating where he lost so much control.

One time he yanked all the wires out of the computer. That's when I was doing a lot of work on the forum designs. Yet he knew that he had set me on that path of recovery, and that the people with the same experience on the forums knew more about this than he did.

First I had the betrayal experience. That was NUTS. A year and a half later I found out--here--how many others were going through the same thing. There was so much commonality, and it was a great relief to know that I wasn't nuts. Now I've read enough to see various predictable patterns. Many people go through the same stages post-spouse's affair. Also, many people behave very similarily after they cheat.

In regard to these forums and all the traumatized individuals here from around the world; labeling us as 'they' and 'nuts' by someone who lied and cheated on their husband or wife perhaps compromising their entire life and family---is right out of the manual.

Well, of course, as you all know, My Husband (ie he who knows everything including whats best for me, which is obviously why he had his affair, cos it was in my best interest) says:

They're all nutters
On the nutters board

And he HAS to be right, because he's never wrong. Who can argue with that? I warn you, you don't argue with Him cos if you do, he'll throw his toys out of his pram - Oh yes, we're the nutters, alright!!!!!!!

Noble Union of Traumatised Spouses - NUTS

Not bad after 4 hours sleep after doing a night shift, huh?

Not bad at all Sandy.

Do these people feel good about themselves? They call anyone else nuts? They think anyone respects them? HAH! Decent people in this world look down their noses at them and many still talk about them behind their back. Maybe they need to be reminded of the weakness in their character that everyone else is aware of.

I can say these things because my wife accepts the wrong, selfishness, and the hurtfulness of what she did. I told her about this place, probably will never show her. But she appreciates that I have people to help me to understand the things that I am feeling and to put them in perspective to deal with it.

So they know, I laugh at them and the garbage they have made of their lives. They can convince themselves all they want that it's potpourri everyone smells when they are around them, they still know inside as everyone else does that it's crap we are smelling.

The people here are among the best people that I have ever encountered and it's sad that living with such quality never rubbed off on the pathetic little misfits who cheat and still consider themselves as anything worthwhile.

I directed my STBXH to the Healing Heart some time ago back in the days when I thought he was getting it, he read a lot but he never got up the nerve topost and ask for help. Guess it was all part of the manual as RW so eloquently put it. He does not know about this site- unless he has taken the trouble to look - that I doubt.
I still send him stuff that I find that applies, or I think is right up his alley! as opposed to his head being right up his own Arse! I never send him links just cut and paste stuff. I did it initially to get inside his head, try to make him wake up. I am past the point now he can stay alseep for the rest of his days if it makes him happy.
I like being with the nutters, it makes me feel safer than I did with him.
Jean UK