I had my counseling appointment yesterday. When I told her I was going to Oprah next week, she told me her favorite Oprah story (which I am paraphrasing):

When the cattle industry (or whatever beef council thingie it was) sued her for saying she'd never eat beef again, there was that trial that dragged out for a few weeks. Apparently one night, one of her assistants called Dr. Phil and said, "You've got to get to the hotel. Oprah is losing it." He went to the hotel and Oprah was sitting knees to chest, rocking back and forth saying, "This can't be happening to me, this isn't right, this shouldn't be happening" over and over. Dr. Phil said, "Well, it is and life's not always fair. You have to focus on the way things ARE, not how they should be, could be, used to be, or might be, but the way things ARE."

FOCUS on the way things ARE. Wow. That struck a chord with me because I was focusing on they way they WERE or the way they COULD BE.

The fact is, I am better off now... STBXH IS a cheating SOB (still wants to be intimate outside of his primary relationship with HER) who will never find true peace and happiness because he is without a clue. She IS with a man who cheated on his wife with her and still wants to be intimate with his STBXW (me). What a great future they have! I AM better off, I own my own home, car, weeeeeener dog, have new people in my life, better relationships with my family and friends... and best of all, HE is not MY problem anymore. SHE is the one who gets to wonder if he's doing what he's supposed to be doing when he's out of her sight.

Life is pretty dang good today. It's in the 70s and sunny in Southern IL, we grilled out at at work today and had a picnic lunch and got to leave early, my yard is freshly mowed, and I got a few minutes with my new friend tonight.

Monica

This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot

>>Life is pretty dang good today. It's in the 70s and sunny in Southern IL<<

The weather has been beautiful here too. It's hard not to be optimistic when spring busts out all over. I'm glad to be out of my marriage too. It's hard for me to imagine fighting for my marriage for over two years only to find out that the affair had resumed. That's got to be a real kick in the teeth. But at least you found out, Monica. At least the sun has broken through the fog layer and the birds have started twittering again.

I couldn't have said it better! I feel the same way!

Monica, are you really going to see Oprah next week?   Do you know what the subject will be?

Jean

P.S.  Oh...just read your other thread.  So "nevermind...." (in my best "Emily Latella" voice).  Have fun.  Tell us all about it.

<<It's hard for me to imagine fighting for my marriage for over two years only to find out that the affair had resumed. That's got to be a real kick in the teeth. But at least you found out, Monica. >>

Well... the affair didn't resume with the first one, he dug up one from years ago! I like to call this one the Skank from Christmas Past.

She was someone he casually dated in high school (12 years ago). In fact, he cheated on his girlfriend with her, way back when. When I met him, he hadn't been in contact with her for a few years... but of course when the friendship came to light last October, I had kept him from her. Huh???

It IS a kick in the teeth that I lost so much of myself during the first A. It is also a kick in the teeth that he even came back last time if he wasn't SURE he wanted to be here. It was a long, hard fight, that's for sure... but even though I lost my marriage, I didn't sell my soul to the devil, he did. And you know what else, I don't think I lost that much at all. She's definitely the Disney girlfriend: buying him EV-E-RY-THING under the sun (including a car and the dog I wouldn't let him have in the house) - it's clear to me why he's with her... poor girl.

Monica

This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot