Today while driving, I passed a McDonalds next to an interstate exit. As I passed a parked semi rig, a 30-something man was taking a young (pre-school) girl down out of the rig.
My very first thought was to wonder if it was his daughter and whether I should call the police.
My second guilty thought was, hey, here's an involved and caring dad just like me...and I'm going to report him to the cops because he took his little girl on a road trip and she wanted to eat at McDonalds?
This shows the pervasiveness of the "all men are predators" mindset that has crept into the child protective services and the popular media and has been exported onto all the rest of us.
For heaven's sake...I'm a CUSTODIAL DAD and I was still thinking something was wrong with the picture I saw!!! How screwed up is that?
I really feel for you guys with younger kids who you will not get to raise because our society is wired this way today.
Chris - regardless of how society is "wired", you yourself actually are a good sign of society's goodness and maybe some change.
Your first thought was "the safety of a child". Not a child you knew, or your own child, but any child. More times than not society would not have even cared or given it a second thought because they still have their heads in the sand.
Your second thought was to evaluate your first thoughts. Another good sign of at least one person in society that stops and thinks before going off the deep end.
Society develops opinions and acts accordingly on those, based on each individuals own experiences. In other words if it doesn't touch or affect their lives directly in some way, they tend to not pay it much attention.
Your own reaction was based on your own experiences. My reaction would have been similar except I'll admit, I would have been a lot more concerned than you but that is because I'm a survivor of child abuse.
It's a sad fact that men in general tend to be the first suspected of doing things "wrong" with a child. Most pedifiles are men. So unfortunately all men are suspected until proven differently in societies eyes.
Now for myself, I would suspect everyone, man or woman until proven differently, but that's because of my background.
In this day and age of rampant child neglect and abuse, unfortunately I think it's a nessacary evil that we have to have these thoughts.
The really good thing is, that just like you, people are starting to think past their initial first response thoughts, and are looking deeper into what "is" not what "may be".
Not too long ago it was almost unheard of for a Dad to get custody of his kids. That is changing, which is a good thing. There are lots of Dad's out there that are better custodial parents. So at least society is trying to change their views and look at what "is" not what "might be".
Perhaps I am wrong to but I assume that all are essentially good until proven otherwise. I never make a negative judgement initially. Had I seen what you did, I would have assumed the good thing. Head in the sand? Maybe. I am trusting and being so to a fault, I and others do get burned by that.
Whether there is more sickness in the world today or if we simply hear more of it, there is a certain helplessness by society. It seems the only way to protect from it is shelter and avoidance and since most of the sickness we hear of seems to be displayed by men, that is who society feels the need to shelter from and to avoid.
I think the good people like yourself have to suffer because of the more than a few bad apples.
You're not alone, here, either!! This kind of thing has happened to me a couple of times, and, as you know, I haven't got kids.
Don't know if you heard about the case here where the toddler (can't remember his name but think it was Ben) was snatched by two teenagers, taken to a railway line, tortured and killed? Well, the teenagers took him from a shopping centre (mall).
Couple of weeks later, I'm in a shopping centre and I see this man literally dragging this little kid (about 2) along, kid was screaming his head off. I looked and thought about what to do. I followed for a while. I really thought he was being abducted. Then I thought it was probably the kids' Dad, and the kid had been really naughty. I thought about saying something, but I was too scared!! The man looked so cross, I thought 'if it is his Dad, I'm going to get thumped'. So, I just followed, from a distance, and wrote everything down on a bit of paper about their descriptions, what they were wearing, what the time was, even into the car park and wrote down the car number etc. and thought that if I heard on the news that there was a kid missing, I'd have some good information. But it bothered me for days afterwards, cos I kept thinking the little kid might be dead. I never did hear anything, so all I achieved was to prove to myself that I'm gutless.
Just so you know you're not the only one!!
xxxx