Jean150 has posted about how tiring she is finding things,
I so understand that feeling. Rather than 'jack' that thread I was wondering if anyone has any diversion tactics to cope with the more immediate and distressing moments.
It seems to wear me down and I am somewhat disheartened when I recognise that A)I feel this way and B) that it is going to go on for some time to come!
I am so very tired. Emotionally I believe I am close to exhaustion. I find the tears of frustration are quick to come and little things that go wrong in the house really upset me, far more than the value/importance I should attach to them. Light bulbs pop, no problem I climb up to fix them but then find the holding rose/screw thing is on so tight I can't move it. I feel so useless and so hapless.
I struggle with the damn thing and then it crumbles away in my hands. The tears well up and I end up in a crumpled heap, sobbing like an idiot.
I can clean up I tell myself, start up the Dyson Hoover and bang the drve belt snaps. I find a spare and then then fun begins trying to get it to attach. It take sme well over an hour of struggling before I manage to prise the belt into place with the assistance of a knife which of course slips and stabs me in the thumb.
I went to get my bicycle out the shed and find my tyre flat, I always did my own repairs previously so ok I go looking and find that H has once again struck, all the repair kit stuff and the tools have been taken, why I can only surmise, to be difficult and small. I can't fix my bike. More tears and the feeling in my chest threatens to implode. I know I am over reacting to it all but I can't stop the feeling.
So, get my coat on, get round to the hardware store buy some stuff that I need, speak to the guy in the storte I reason, ask his advice about what the problem is and how I fix it. I decide to walk and at the traffic lights H drives past me and looks right through me. It's all too much and after (not so he can see me) he has past the tears overwhelm me and there I am stood in the shopping centre with tears running down my face. Feeling like a complete failure at everything.
So what am I supposed to do call H and ask, will you fix? how did you wire? what do I do about? Where are the tools for?
It will be a cold day in hell before I do that!
I hate every moment that I feel like this, I should be strong, I am strong, but I am feling so bloody useless, disheartened, worthless and of no value to anyone.
I even sliced my finger last night trying to fix my puncture (forcing the tyre off the inner tube with a folk and a spoon - improvising!) and could not stop it bleeeding. I hate these times and there seem to be so many of them. I hate not knowing what to do about it and I hate being like this. I just want to go drown myself in the bath or some such horror! I hate feeling needy so my question is how do I stop feeling so needy and so weak and so bloody useless!
It's not the not knowing how to do 'stuff' I can go find out that I guess, it is the coming to terms with the feeling of being completely overwhelmed with the task I have ahead. If I continue to feel this 'weak' how can I stand strong against H and what he surely has coming my way.
I feel like one of those folks who go hunting hurricanes. When they stand on the hill top and peer into the distance looking for the storm they surely know is coming.
Ok, I have posted my vent but I feel no better. Good job I am at work and have to hold it together. Not in a good place today, not a good way to live.
Jean UK
As you may have read, I'm not going to be visiting these boards again, but as we're both in England, I'm going to take a risk and give you my mobile number. I hope that Quinn or RW will help me out (yet again) and remove it once they know you've got it. So please post a reply to say you have got it.
Love Sandy
xxxx
I am also sorry that you, too, are feeling so overwhelmed..... But you know, you may want to stay away from those forks and spoons..., oh, and of course the knives, too.
trying to be funny. You either laugh or you cry, so laugh with me just for a minute.
(((Jeannie)))
re: <<So what am I supposed to do call H and ask, will you fix? how did you wire? what do I do about? Where are the tools for? It will be a cold day in hell before I do that!>> Good for you. I resolved never to ask the ex for anything, because that always comes back to bite me in the butt. I'll ask for the kids, sure, but not anything for me. If he offers, well, sure, but I won't ask. So I applaud you there.
Something that's helped me, and, as may be obvious, I haven't done in a while, is keep a gratitude journal. For something so simple, it really helped me, and I need to start that up again. It doesn't solve any problems, really, but it helps put you in a better frame of mind and thus makes it easier to solve your problems. (And just look at me being inspired by my own advice! this is quite funny....)
And perhaps you may want to find yourself a "rent-a-husband" or a general handyman that might help you with these practical problems for not too much $$ (oops, that U.S.) -- for not too many pounds...
I've e mailed my phone no. to Quinn and RW and they said they'll e mail it to you, so send me a text sometime. Good luck with everything,
Love Sandy xxx
Oh Yes, Duct Tape, love it to bits many a recent occasion when it has come to my rescue, - failing duct tape I have found the odd roll of Police Crime Scene Do not Cross! just as effective but more of a talking point with the neighbours! LOL
Jean
<<...the odd roll of Police Crime Scene Do not Cross!>> Ah hahahaha. My sister put up that tape around my mom's "office" (also known as "the museum" or.."the archives" of the mother of 8 and grandmother of 22 who likes to keep every piece of art work and homemade cards, et cetera....)
BTW, I just got back from 2-1/2 days in Michigan. Henry Ford Museum, Greenfield Village, etc. lots of fun. (bye bye tax refund money....)
