Jen - I'm sorry to hear that your h continues to play games with you. I know how hard that can be. Recovering from an affair is difficult enough - the extra nonsense that you've been dealing is waaaaay over the line. But, you know what they say ... "don't try to make sense out of non-sense".
On another thread, I edited a post to you because I thought it didn't sound "optimistic" enough. The part that I deleted was about a counselor (who had worked for 25 years with substance abusers and their families) who once told me that he had heard thousands upon thousands of promises to change. As it turns out, it was one of the most helpful (and memorable) things that I have ever heard a counselor say. It's not that I believe that change is impossible. I just don't believe it happens "all of the time" or even "most of the time". People who really do change and who put in the long hard hours to make it stick are very special people.
Counselors who are willing to tell you the unvarnished truth are very hard to come by too.