Looks aren't everything, you might get to know him and find that you really are attracted after all. I didn't go for the pretty boy this time around and I have truly found a gem.
Charlie, yes, you're right, looks aren't everything. I think I'm just actually afraid of the idea of being attacted to someone again. Not just being attracted -- but having the opportunity for a relationship, "and all that that implies."
Methink I may have told this story - after a date with a fellow whom she told me she was not interested in, my best buddy ended up marrying him months later LOL LOL... never say never ...
you said you were nervous or scared of having another relationship, we all get like that, for sure.
but hey remember, it is a date, an opportunity to go out and have a nice time, spoil yourself, enjoy and if it helps just think of it as a night out with one of the girls haha (takes some of the pressure off you!!)
This is why the idea of "seeking out and meeting interesting women" scares the bejeezus out of me, to say nothing of "dating".
It's hard enough to make an impression on someone and have to convince her I'm worth spending a couple of hours with.
To know or to suspect that I'm also being judged as "relationship material" or "not relationship material" when all I want out of an evening or two is to get to know someone well enough to be friends (and then see what happens from there)...
>>Looks aren't everything, you might get to know him and find that you really are attracted after all. I didn't go for the pretty boy this time around and I have truly found a gem.<<
Whaddya mean "looks aren't everything"? Our looks are the only thing that Chris and I have to work with. This is very disappointing news. We're screwed, man.
You'll have a great time! If you go into it knowing you can make a new friend then you'll be fine. If it goes passed that then your date will be even better!
"To know or to suspect that I'm also being judged as "relationship material" or "not relationship material" when all I want out of an evening or two is to get to know someone well enough to be friends (and then see what happens from there)..."
So you're telling me that when you actually go out with someone, you are not thinking, even one bit, whether or not you would like to date them again or not? Because if you are thinking that, then you are thinking a little bit about the possibility of it turning into a relationship. A relationship doesn't necessarily mean marriage, mind you. I mean if you want to see what happens from there, doesn't that mean you are giving a relationship a chance? Come on Chris, aren't you curious at all on the first date whether it may or may not work out with this person?
Charlie
This message has been edited by charlie288 on Apr 25, 2005 6:32 PM
"Whaddya mean "looks aren't everything"? Our looks are the only thing that Chris and I have to work with. This is very disappointing news. We're screwed, man."
Says who? Only kidding, you are both handsome men!
For me, after being married to a selfish ass, I have come to realize that looks aren't the first thing on my list anymore :>) Sure, I do have to have some attraction at first, but what I think is attractive now is very different than what I thought was attractive when I met my ex.
Good for you, Jean! It's a big step, that getting back out there, stuff.
The new friend in my life is someone I would NEVER have looked at twice, 10 years ago. For one, he's (and I'll probably be pummelled for saying this!) balding. I've never dated a bald guy before! I mean, I was married at 26, all the guys before that were young... The new guy is 41. But. Oh. My. Gosh. He's funny, thoughtful, and I can't BELIEVE how much fun we have together.
He's got the brownest eyes I've ever seen... dimples outta this world, a cute butt.... and he's really cuter today than he was 2 months ago, to me.
Ya never know how it's going to turn out, Jean. Have a GREAT time!!
Monica
This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot
Monica, I proudly wear a T-shirt that says, "It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine".
You can actually judge how vain a balding man is. When you see them trying to do that comb over with the few strands of hair they have left, you'll realise how futile this is, and how vain the person must me to do it.
Me? When I noticed my bald spot, I went right to shaving it. Why bother trying to stave off the inevitable? LOL
On looks: My friend Bubba is NOT the best looking guy in the world, and he'll be the first to admit it. I imagine a Buddha, including that grin. Now put hair on one, inluding a beard, and you have Bubba. His wife was already in love with him before the ever met face to face. They met over the CB, part of a group of people that would meet and talk frequently. His wife didn't even know his real name. One night, this group decided to meet. Bubba met her, and they've been together ever since, about 22 years now, married for 18.
UGH Cory. That is how my ex and I met too..........
Bald is good. Vin Diesel has it going on babeeeee. However I much prefer the guys that just go ahead and shave it off than those who try to comb their hair over the bald spot so we don't notice.
My ex was balding at age 21....gotta love genetics. Used to be a real sore spot with him since my 60 year old dad had a full set of beautifully black hair. My dad used to have standing jokes about his bald spot.
Hey make sure you put some lotion on that so you don't get a sunburn. What happened to the top of your head?
My ex used to use the excuse solar panel for a sex machine too, but in retrospect I don't think his was working right lol
My favorite line is about guys with beer bellies.
"If you got a tool this good you gotta build a shed over it"
<<"It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine". >> I LIKE that, Cory!! Bald can be sexy.....it's the whole package altogether. I'm thinking of Patrick Stewart.
The man I'm meeting is somewhat bald but does not not attempt the combover. Combovers are a turnoff. I still remember, many years ago when I was a lifeguard, watching this one older gentleman swim laps with his "combover" (really, it was like a separate entity, trailing along beside him). Everytime he stopped to rest, he'd swing that thing over his head again. It kept me amused for the whole swim session, as I remember.
<<Hey Jean, did that trailing combover look like a jellyfish trailing the swimmer?>> Actually, Cory, it looked more like a rat's tail. :-[] I could have taken care of it with one little snip.
My dad used to have us girls (his daughers) comb over his hair and hairspray it in place. I thought it was kind of funny. I think he's lost enough now that he gave that up a few years back...
My BF now has a tiny bit of balding in one spot and a bit of gray but it doesn't bother me one bit! His personality makes him look absolutely gorgeous and he doesn't know that either.
My ex has every hair on his head still and so does his dad so if we had stayed together I could pretty much count on a man with a full head of hair but he sure looks ugly to me now anyway!!!!!!!
All this talk about sexy bald men... Oh, I have a definite soft spot for Vin Diesel (he's HOTT with 2 t's!).. and there are several NBA players with bald heads that I wouldn't kick out of my house...
I work w/a guy who uses Just for Men... ROFL, he uses the color we like to call "Elvis Jet Black #415". It is SO funny. It's SO not natural... I actually prefer some gray, (because on a man, it's "distinguished"!) Gray in a beard is sexy, too!
We sat behind a man at the movies a week ago whose combover started at the back RIGHT corner of his head and wrapped all the way around to the right side of his forehead - a complete circle! That piece of hair must be 2' long. How crazy! Quit fakin' the funk and cut it off!
Monica
This is your life. Are you who you want to be? ~ Switchfoot
Those combovers are created by aliens. Like the crop circles. Those elaborate "combovers" such as you described above, Monica, may just be crop circles.....
The choices in Just for Men are black, dark brown, and light brown. That's it.
There must be a gazillion "store bought" colors for women, and salon arteeests can mix their own on top of that. A few years back, one of my sisters (whose natural coloring is almost the same as mine) chose a very nice looking Clairol color that I probably should have latched onto before I was more gray than anything else. I don't know if that stuff would work on facial hair though.
The thing about Just for Men is that it can be a subtle change. Depending on how much you use and how often, there is still some dark salt and pepper effect. It doesn't just all dye to one shade like the ones that women use that take 25 minutes. Just for Men is more of a darkener instead of a total hair color change. And there is a medium brown too.
The date went nicely. The only embarassing thing is in my rush to get my children out the door to when their father came, and then losing my directions and having to print them out again (and then finding the original directions again, ugh) that I forgot to get cash at the bank and went downtown w/ only my credit cards. Well, of course I couldn't find a free spot to park after circling the block a couple times.
My date saw me and hopped in my car and said I could park in his condo's lot across the street -- nice, but I'd risk towing. He forked over $6 for parking (or I was going to have to find an ATM) and I said I'd buy him a couple drinks in return (first date -- is that okay etiquette? Sounds better than "I'll make it up to you" doesn't it?)
Well, we ordered in a weird way -- altogether, not drinks first (he doesn't drink alcohol) -- ordering was just somewhat awkward and their were some mistakes w/ the waiter, so.....then I thought I'd pay for coffee and/or dessert. But he was full and didn't drink coffee, or tea. So I told him I'd take him out for a dessert treat next time.
Was I too obsessed w/ being "fair"? I really didn't want this gentleman to think I was taking advantage of him -- I felt bad about the parking.
Well, after dinner we took a leisurely walk around a few city blocks, looking at the sites. He had mentioned 2-3 times during dinner that we could always go back to his condo and "watch a movie" (hah!) but I declined. So after the walk we parted company.
I didn't sense any "spark" but I'll give it one more time (I owe him dessert, anyway ...) But dinner went by quickly and he was very easy to talk to.
I just don't know..... I don't think he's "my type" but we'll see.....
You are too obsessed with being fair!!! I am exactly like you and it drives my male friends nuts........they actually enjoy buying things for me. (and we aren't even dating!) In fact they feel insulted if I keep pushing to buy things, which works ok for me. lol
Well the "let's go back to my place and watch a movie" comes directly from the male handbook on how to score a chick 101. It closely follows, "you look tense can I give you a massage"
well it sounds like a perfectly normal first outing for two people who dont know each other very well - congratulations! next time you will both be less nervous or feel less awkward, i bet he probably was too !!
and any guy you can talk to, pays for parking, then goes for a walk instead of going up stairs moving watching, cant be all that bad. he might make a good friend, just what you need right now hey!!
oh and i love your line, "bette than saying i will make it up to you " haha you are great.
MM: <<We'll know you've had a GREAT date when we don't hear from you for a couple of weeks after a night out on the town.>> heh heh.... Now wouldn't that be nice? The date, I mean.....
I just emailed him to thank him for the dinner. I would have sent it the cultured way, via post, but I don't have his address.
And not taking his invitation back to his place was a great idea as well :>)
Kid and Jean
"You are too obsessed with being fair!!! I am exactly like you and it drives my male friends nuts........they actually enjoy buying things for me."
I'm the same way too. I asked BF if I could help pay the first date and he wouldn't let me. He always insists on paying even when my kids are dining with us but for some reason, I don't feel right that he will pay for my children too so I put my foot down and pay our half when they are with us or I offer to foot the entire bill. Lord knows he does it enough and for the nicer places. Ocassionally he is still stubborn and pays for it even with my kids. I just don't feel like it is fair for him to pay when I have the kids with us too. I know we're a package deal but I feel that I should do it for now. If we were married I don't think it would bother me because then we are working together but now I just don't feel right about it.
It sounds like you had a nice time. Don't worry about sparks - love at first sight is not all it's cracked up to be. Dating is just about going out and having fun with someone else. If you had fun and it was a nice evening without the kids - hey great.
One thing you could do if he doesn't do coffee/tea/drinks is to take the kids to a park or other outdoor spot and pack a picnic for all of you. That way you could "repay" him without the uncomfortableness of inviting him to your place. Just a thought...
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